Jump to content

Xenogender Appreciation


a little annihilation

Recommended Posts

20 hours ago, WaddleDee73 said:

Is there a xenogender related to, like, neon? as an aesthetic? I dont know why, but the whole thing gives me... gender vibes.

I suggest looking up the -coric xenogender umbrella!! you might have luck finding it in tumblr!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
TheSmolFoxWeeb

I think I have a xenogender buried somewhere in my identity, I’m just not sure what it is yet.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
TheSmolFoxWeeb

Something relating to animals, probably

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 months later...

Hi! I remember the first time I heard of xenogenders, and to be honest, my initial reaction was "What?! No. This is crazy. Gender doesn't work like that." Of course, then I still thought I was cisgender. During the chaos of the last couple months, I've learned gender actually does work like that, and I'm honestly thinking I could be greengender. Half of me wanted to wait longer before I made this post, but I eventually figured I might as well do it. My question is, where would someone go to learn more about xenogenders and being xenogender (other than threads on here)? I tried looking it up on YouTube and you get some good videos, but you also have to scroll through videos with titles like "Xenogenders and Their Mental Illness Implications" and "Cringing at Bizarre Xenogenders" (these are not the actual titles, but it's the general atmosphere of them. Not sure if this made any sense.) Anyway, I'm genuinely scared about what to click on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...

Can I post a rant here? Or is this thread just not active enough and/or the people on here don’t want to hear a rant right now? /gen. I have something I just really want to rant about and I think it would be other xenic people that would really understand.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, LeChat said:

@DragonWithQuestions Hi. If you'd like to, you could PM me or another Admod, so that we could check if it's okay and follows the Gender forum rules, AVEN's TOS, etc.

I’m not worried about violating ToS. It’s nothing that bad, and I don’t think the mods would have a problem with it. I’m just asking because this thread isn’t always very active. I’m already feeling a bit bad and if I post a rant and no one answers, I’ll feel a little like I interrupted something or offended someone or that they just don’t want to hear it. I want to make sure someone wants to listen first.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have recently been working on getting out of a period of anti-xenic self-hate. For a while I had a lot of bad feelings about being xenogender. I was panicked about whether I was a transphobe in denial, I was scared no one would ever respect me or my gender, and I was scared I was just a trender or a confused autistic and would never be allowed to medically transition because of it. I have been working on self-esteem and want to reconcile myself with the odder parts of my gender. I thought I could maybe buy some pride gear to look at or wear sometimes. I looked up xenogender flag on Amazon, but one of the first results was a “xenogender flag “ that was basically a white flag with the words “Don’t buy it!” on it. It was very obviously anti-xenic. Worse, it has a 5-star rating because another anti-xenic person obviously thought it was funny. It makes me so mad. I want to write a long 1-star review explaining why this is stupid and hurtful. But I think, “What’s the point?”. It feels like it would be just throwing a rock into the vast ocean of xenogender hate. It’s everywhere. I can’t even browse for pride stuff without seeing it. How am I supposed to feel pride? And then I think “If you were legitimate, you wouldn’t need external objects or stuff to make you feel pride “. And then I feel bad. I want to find something that makes me feel pride, but don’t want to brave the internet to do it. I don’t know what to do. Everything before this was just ranting, but now is the part where I ask for advice. How did you all do it? What helps you when xenic hate is getting you down? Thanks for any response I might get.

Link to post
Share on other sites
a little annihilation
4 hours ago, DragonWithQuestions said:

I have recently been working on getting out of a period of anti-xenic self-hate. For a while I had a lot of bad feelings about being xenogender. I was panicked about whether I was a transphobe in denial, I was scared no one would ever respect me or my gender, and I was scared I was just a trender or a confused autistic and would never be allowed to medically transition because of it. I have been working on self-esteem and want to reconcile myself with the odder parts of my gender. I thought I could maybe buy some pride gear to look at or wear sometimes. I looked up xenogender flag on Amazon, but one of the first results was a “xenogender flag “ that was basically a white flag with the words “Don’t buy it!” on it. It was very obviously anti-xenic. Worse, it has a 5-star rating because another anti-xenic person obviously thought it was funny. It makes me so mad. I want to write a long 1-star review explaining why this is stupid and hurtful. But I think, “What’s the point?”. It feels like it would be just throwing a rock into the vast ocean of xenogender hate. It’s everywhere. I can’t even browse for pride stuff without seeing it. How am I supposed to feel pride? And then I think “If you were legitimate, you wouldn’t need external objects or stuff to make you feel pride “. And then I feel bad. I want to find something that makes me feel pride, but don’t want to brave the internet to do it. I don’t know what to do. Everything before this was just ranting, but now is the part where I ask for advice. How did you all do it? What helps you when xenic hate is getting you down? Thanks for any response I might get.

One, you can want pride stuff, that's totally valid! Wanting pride stuff doesn't mean your gender is illegitimate. I have mastered the art of not giving a fuck, and as an autistic person who is chronically visibly different from other people and gets weird looks because of it I have learned to not care what other people think. Just remember that those people are stupid, and their moronic half- baked opinions shouldn't matter to you because why would they? You don't know them and they don't know you. You should only care about the opinions of people who you care about, who have your best interest in mind, and who share your values.

I know that the majority of people don't have the capacity to understand xenogender and so I just don't share it with most people because I don't expect them to be able to comprehend it and that there's a very real chance that they'll make fun of it. What matters is that you accept yourself and come to terms with the way you are. The only person who needs to understand you is you. Take care of yourself and the rest will follow. Hope this helps, from one autistic xenogender to another 💛 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

Ok. Time to open up a bit. This might get a bit ranty...

 

After seeing a thread about two weeks ago I started thinking about my gender. I never thought about it before and how I went with male just because 'it's what I am' and just ended up confused and angry. Not male, definitely not female and not really agender either. I don't have any feelings towards the male gender but I still feel 'tied' to it in a big way. I am physically male and fine with it. But if agender didn't fit what did?

 

Xenogenders. When I first heard of them I thought they were a bit silly but still respected them. And now I feel comfortable with using them. So I will now explain myself.

(I am sorry if any of this is wrong or if I misunderstood how xenogenders work)

 

I consider myself Stormgender. I feel like my gender could be best described as a massive rainstorm with thunder, lightning and very strong winds. Maybe rough seas as well.

I won't lie, it feels nice to have something that fits but I can't help but also feel like I just made it up so I didn't have to worry anymore. To the world at large I'm still male and I don't feel that needs changing in anyway as I consider this purely internal feelings. Does this make me non-binary? Maybe technically but I don't identify as such because I don't relate to the non-binary label in any way.

 

At least there are two upsides now, I can stop worrying about gender and my profile name has a new meaning now! 😆

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
a little annihilation
7 hours ago, Typhoon said:

Ok. Time to open up a bit. This might get a bit ranty...

 

After seeing a thread about two weeks ago I started thinking about my gender. I never thought about it before and how I went with male just because 'it's what I am' and just ended up confused and angry. Not male, definitely not female and not really agender either. I don't have any feelings towards the male gender but I still feel 'tied' to it in a big way. I am physically male and fine with it. But if agender didn't fit what did?

 

Xenogenders. When I first heard of them I thought they were a bit silly but still respected them. And now I feel comfortable with using them. So I will now explain myself.

(I am sorry if any of this is wrong or if I misunderstood how xenogenders work)

 

I consider myself Stormgender. I feel like my gender could be best described as a massive rainstorm with thunder, lightning and very strong winds. Maybe rough seas as well.

I won't lie, it feels nice to have something that fits but I can't help but also feel like I just made it up so I didn't have to worry anymore. To the world at large I'm still male and I don't feel that needs changing in anyway as I consider this purely internal feelings. Does this make me non-binary? Maybe technically but I don't identify as such because I don't relate to the non-binary label in any way.

 

At least there are two upsides now, I can stop worrying about gender and my profile name has a new meaning now! 😆

stormgender is really cool! I've always enjoyed storms. 

All genders are made up so don't use the fact that stormgender is made up as a way to invalidate that it's your gender. So what if you made it up so you didn't have to worry anymore? If it gives you peace then it's amazing and valid.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't really have an ability to explain or describe my gender, but it isn't male or female or something along that line, and it isn't nothing. It's not even something that comes up all that often or that I think about all that hard. It is something, not nothing, but not really a big deal. 

 

I use fae to describe my gender because I always liked fairies and think they're cool. Maybe there is a better word to use to notate my gender, but I literally don't care enough to look for one. 

 

lol, I wonder if I could say my gender is "this" or "thing" or "word" or something ... well, truthful. It's this. Too bad I can't make you feel it in you to explain what it is. "this" is literally what it is.

 

hmmmmm

 

 

tempting

 

let's see if I remember in a few days or if it's a fleeting no sleep thought. 

 

 

anyway, back to the first paragraphe, it's funny becuase my actual literal gender is so immaterial, but being gendered as male is such a huge problem. I'm not a man. Stop seeing a man when you look at me. It makes me so angry and sad. I expect, and always have expected, to be one of the girls. A woman. not that woman is my actual literal gender, because it isn't. But I was supposed to default to "I go hang out with other women and grow up with female friends as my best friends and all that jazzz"

 

It feels too late to bother and I want to give up, but that's a whole other story. 

 

It's hard, in order to feel comfortable in this world I will have to adopt feminine attributes I normally wouldn't have had, people are like "it sounds like you're forcing yourself to be a woman" and I'm all like "gee thanks you so totally understand"

 

I'd like to say to everyone who did it ever, "wow it sounds like you're forcing me to be a man."

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Picklethewickle
6 hours ago, _River_ said:

It's hard, in order to feel comfortable in this world I will have to adopt feminine attributes I normally wouldn't have had, people are like "it sounds like you're forcing yourself to be a woman" and I'm all like "gee thanks you so totally understand"

 

I'd like to say to everyone who did it ever, "wow it sounds like you're forcing me to be a man."

This is such a hard feeling, but you worded is so well.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
Séraphine-Joliecoeur

I am autistic and disabled. As a result, I always identified more with monsters and "freaks"  than with "humans" since i was a kid.

For instance, I felt like   Beast, not like Belle (unlike my classmates), so much so that I was sad when he turned into a handsome young man, something I could never do. Other movies I loved, like "The Addams Family", are also a great example.

 

As a teenager, I fell in love with Tim Burton. He was pretty much my only special interest.

I had a crush on "Edward Scissorhands". Everyone told me it was because he was played by Johnny Depp, but I didn't care. He was weird and misundertood like me, that was enough.

Lydia Deetz became my role model.

 

As an adult, I got more and more into art house or "underground" films. I fall under the spell of John Waters and Divine, the "Rocky Horror" shows me a new aspect of the "freak": the one who embraces themself and who is sexually desirable.  

In short, I feel like a "monster" since early childhood and the identity "monstergender" fits me well. But I feel unsure since I felt comfortable as a cis woman until now.

 

Any advices ?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

@Séraphine-Joliecoeur

First off, welcome to our thread! Second off, if you feel that a gender fits you, then you’re the only one who can say whether or not it does. If you think that monstergender describes your experiences, feel free to use it! It is perfectly valid to be cisgender and xenogender at the same time, and I’ve seen multiple people label themselves that way. If you feel like you are a monster in spirit, but not in a way associated with gender, maybe look into the alterhumanity umbrella? That’s what I’m currently doing. And remember you know yourself best.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Séraphine-Joliecoeur
1 hour ago, DragonWithQuestions said:

@Séraphine-Joliecoeur

First off, welcome to our thread! Second off, if you feel that a gender fits you, then you’re the only one who can say whether or not it does. If you think that monstergender describes your experiences, feel free to use it! It is perfectly valid to be cisgender and xenogender at the same time, and I’ve seen multiple people label themselves that way. If you feel like you are a monster in spirit, but not in a way associated with gender, maybe look into the alterhumanity umbrella? That’s what I’m currently doing. And remember you know yourself best.

Yeah, i think i'm comfortable with it, but i still live with my very normative family.  This means i can't explore more for the moment, sadly.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do not understand xenogenders, but i find them pretty interesting. I kind of relate to stuff like voidpunk tho. Is that a bit similar?

Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, Silvian said:

I do not understand xenogenders, but i find them pretty interesting. I kind of relate to stuff like voidpunk tho. Is that a bit similar?

Not really? Voidpunk is related to feeling nonhuman because of how society views you. Xenogenders are more like metaphors. It’s related to how you perceive your gender. If you don’t think that terms like “masculine”, “feminine”, “neutral”, “androgene”, etc. describe what you experience, but you feel like your gender can be connected to things not typically associated with gender, you would be xenogender. It’s hard to explain because this metaphorical connection is experienced differently by everyone. Do you have any other questions? I’m glad you’re here learning.

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, DragonWithQuestions said:

Not really? Voidpunk is related to feeling nonhuman because of how society views you. Xenogenders are more like metaphors. It’s related to how you perceive your gender. If you don’t think that terms like “masculine”, “feminine”, “neutral”, “androgene”, etc. describe what you experience, but you feel like your gender can be connected to things not typically associated with gender, you would be xenogender. It’s hard to explain because this metaphorical connection is experienced differently by everyone. Do you have any other questions? I’m glad you’re here learning.

Thanks for answering. The only one I have heard about is cartoon gender. Can you mention some others. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
AspiringAutistic

Suuuuper glad this thread exists. I'm Xenogender and it's nice to see other people acknowledge this part of my existence.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Séraphine-Joliecoeur

Well, i recently found out i might be maegender as well.

It is named after the maenads, the women who followed the greek god Dionysus. They were feral (one tale recalled them ripping a man in half), sexually confident, loved to party and drink.

 

For more info, check the lgbtqia wiki :

https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Maegender

 

They are basically a role model for me as a Dionysus devotee. I am always scared of other people's opinions (especially my parents) and ashamed of myself. 

I only started to worship him last year (not as much as i would like, because i still live with my family) and i began to see inprovements (also helped by meds and therapy, don't forget that.) .

 

Now, i am ready to to do stuff i've never done before (writing monster erotica, buying a binder, wearing angel wings in the street, etc...) !

 

So yeah, i found a new gender and i just wanted tell people about it. That's all!

Thanks you for reading ! ❤

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
Purple Is the New Black

I still don't understand this concept. How would liking neon colors and the sound of storms be a gender?

And I don't even see this anywhere other than on Tumblr posts where they made those genders on the spot without any depth to them. and a fan wiki that anyone can write their thoughts into.
I've even read of an axogender, which is "identify strongly with axolotls" and I'm sitting here wondering: do any of those people actually own an axolotl, or did they just romanticize its popularity on the internet?

 

Honestly, this feels like a horoscope kind of thing. As Aries, you feel close to rams, the planet Mars, and the color red. It sounds the same.

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Purple Is the New Black said:

I still don't understand this concept. How would liking neon colors and the sound of storms be a gender?

And I don't even see this anywhere other than on Tumblr posts where they made those genders on the spot without any depth to them. and a fan wiki that anyone can write their thoughts into.
I've even read of an axogender, which is "identify strongly with axolotls" and I'm sitting here wondering: do any of those people actually own an axolotl, or did they just romanticize its popularity on the internet?

 

Honestly, this feels like a horoscope kind of thing. As Aries, you feel close to rams, the planet Mars, and the color red. It sounds the same.

It’s kind of hard to explain, but I’ll try. For one, it’s not just liking something. There are some things that I like a lot, but I definitely don’t relate them to my gender. Xenogenders are very metaphorical. Some people use them because they don’t understand how your gender can feel “male” or “female”, but can better relate it to abstract concepts. Some people do have a connection to a binary gender, but still use xenogenders. I know what draws me to them personally, but I can’t speak for everyone. You can ask more questions if you like, because I know that this explanation wasn’t super great. There’s also another thread I can direct you to that’s for non-xenic people to ask questions, but it’s fairly dead. The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to understand them. Many people don’t. You just have to respect that they make sense to some people, and not invalidate their users for needing a more uncommon label.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AspiringAutistic
10 hours ago, Purple Is the New Black said:

I still don't understand this concept. How would liking neon colors and the sound of storms be a gender?

And I don't even see this anywhere other than on Tumblr posts where they made those genders on the spot without any depth to them. and a fan wiki that anyone can write their thoughts into.
I've even read of an axogender, which is "identify strongly with axolotls" and I'm sitting here wondering: do any of those people actually own an axolotl, or did they just romanticize its popularity on the internet?

 

Honestly, this feels like a horoscope kind of thing. As Aries, you feel close to rams, the planet Mars, and the color red. It sounds the same.

As the poster above me explained, it's about how our gender can feel. It's also important to add, in my opinion, that Xenogenders were (to my knowledge), originally coined by neurodivergent people, for neurodivergent people (of course you don't have to be neurodivergent to use Xenogender labels). The reason why I find this important is because, for me, being autistic and being Xenogender are closely intertwined. I do understand the concept of the gender binary (tho I don't fully understand it tbh, nor why it's such an important thing to so many or why it's the basis of so many stereotypes and unfair differences), however neither of those concepts and their descriptors (masculine, feminine, ladylike, manly, etc) feel like they describe me much at all. Xenogenders on the other hand, help me liken my gender to concepts that I understand better and that are close to my heart and in some cases I can link to sensory experience to describe the vibe or energy of my gender. Also, based on conversations with other people, I found that some of us don't necessarily intend to use our Xenogenders to describe ourselves to others (or not as a primary label anyway, I myself don't use my specific Xenogender labels that way), but rather to use them as a means to understand ourselves better and our gender better.

 

 

It's a hard concept to grasp or explain even, and it's completely ok not to understand it. As long as you are kind and accept that this is the way some people can identify best, you're good in my book. If you want to try and understand even better, I'll gladly answer questions about Xenogenders overall or the specific labels I use (this topic is a special interest of mine). 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...