can you experience sexual attraction without the desire for sexual interactions?

[binary suns]

can you experience sexual attraction without the desire for sexual interactions?

 

I think it's possible. I think sexual attraction is the intrinsic desire for sexual activity and attraction based on that desire. I think attraction is more than just desire, it is also liking the person, finding them hot, finding them interesting, wanting to get to know them, wanting to get close with them, wanting intimacy with them, feeling infatuated, feeling invested in the relationhip. And other things. I think segregating atraction strictly into four boxes is a little prescriptive, while yes it makes sense to say there's sensual attraction, aesthetic attraction, romantic attraction, sexual attraction, platonic attraction and alterous attraction, a lot of people do feel their attraction experiences overlap or merge and someone aesthetically appealing is also sexual attraction or something similar. 

 

Me personally I feel like I experience some sexual attraction, because interacting with a crush is sexually arousing, and I feel a certain erotic excitement (weakly) with that arousal. I feel like this is a sexual element to attraction and makes my experience sexual. So I identify as orchidsexual. 

 

 

But maybe this is silly of me. I don't know, this is a tricky subject. Do you think that sexual attraction exists beyond strictly the desire for partnered sex? I wanna know your thoughts!

[Heaven in hiding]

Well I think we can experience romantic attraction but without wanting to date. It's just feeling towards somebody, you know you like them but it doesn't make you want relationships. At least I often don't want any relationships even when I like someone. So I think it can be the same with sexual attraction. You just attracted to the person but it doesn't always mean you want to do something sexual. Just don't want to do that kind of activitie in general

[binary suns]

38 minutes ago, Jimmeh said:

I mean yes, but if there isn't any intent/action, what does it matter? Does a vegetarian who occasionally craves a beef burger but does absolutely nothing about it require a different name to someone where it never crosses their McMind?

if it fees like sexual attraction, and asexuality is defined as a lack of attraction, it can get confusing. telling someone that their sexual feelings aren't sexual doesn't really make a lot of sense. but you're right, that the person doesn't want to have sex is really telling

[Gray Watcher]

1 hour ago, Ashe. said:

can you experience sexual attraction without the desire for sexual interactions?

 

It is definitely possible.  I am a person who feels sexual attraction but does not desire sexual interaction.

[MusicSoul]

I think it’s possible. There have been times I feel sexual attraction towards a person, but it does not necessarily mean I am going to jump their bones. I might fantasize about jumping their bones lol

[krmnlg]

Im really late but I still wanted to share my thoughts as I have been thinking abt this lately.

 

But yes, I think sexual attraction can exist without the desire for sex. Like, you can feel a pull for sexual intimacy without actually wanting it because e.g. the irl experience may be repulsive (allosexual sex repulsed folks) or maybe theyre inexperienced, have a low libido etc

 

To give a better understanding:

When talking to my allo friends. Their lizard brain have this subconscious "smash or pass" system and if they see someone who could be sex material, their lizard brain just goes "SMASH!!"  

This "smash" is about subconsciously recognizing that if the circumstances were right (good personality, them being single, etc.) this particular person is the kind of person they'd be would be interested in sexually even if their logic brain has no desire to actually act on that realization. They simply realize this, and move on with their day. This would be some sort of mild sexual attraction. Like the potential to feel sexual desire for. This would be described as simply finding ppl to be sexually attractive.

 

During the times my allo friend encounter someone who they feel a more intense form of sexual attraction for, they will be intrigued by how they'd be in bed, fantasize about being sexually close with the target of attraction and chasing the fantasy as it makes them feel good. There is a hint of targeted, theoretical desire: their lizard brain recognizes that they very much like the idea of having sexual contact with this person. However, the majority of the time there is no desire to actually pursue these feelings. Sometimes their logical brain just knows the fantasy is good enough.

 

According to my allo friends, attraction is common but irl desire is quite rare. No, allos dont always feel the need to jump someones bones. Tho, they will feel this sort of "pull". This can be either a background feeling or a more urgent one.

 

[Guest]

38 minutes ago, krmnlg said:

According to my allo friends, attraction is common but irl desire is quite rare. No, allos dont always feel the need to jump someones bones. Tho, they will feel this sort of "pull". This can be either a background feeling or a more urgent one.

this makes a lot of sense to me, and I feel it describes me. I feel a pull towards someone, but I don't want to have sex. I just feel pulled to them. And that pull isn't addequately described by sensual, aesthetic, or emotional attractions; it is a sexual pull. I know that I want to be sensual with the person, and if I do, it's likely I'll be aroused, and I find the person hot, and it's all connected to this pull towards them, a pull that feels sexual in nature. But, I just have sensual and aesthetic and connection desires, not sex. Sex doesn't fit in the schema. It doesn't belong. I just want kisses and cuddles, and to be important to the person. 

 

The thing is as well, that every once in a while i feel a kind of weird urge, that I am sure WOULD be a desire for sex IF desire for sex was part of the system, but when I think about having sex, I just feel confused like, that's not what I want. But what in this moment is the urge for? I don't know. I've never explored it, except I did become physical (no sex) with one of my girlfriends, and that was awesome. But when I was in an active sexual relationship, I never felt this urge for them, so I don't know if it COULD translate into a desire for sex under unusual circumstances. All I know is, I wanted more of the physical intimacy that we were having. And when sex was actually an option, it didn't feel like it belonged in the scenario. 

[krmnlg]

17 hours ago, _River_ said:

this makes a lot of sense to me, and I feel it describes me. I feel a pull towards someone, but I don't want to have sex. I just feel pulled to them. And that pull isn't addequately described by sensual, aesthetic, or emotional attractions; it is a sexual pull. I know that I want to be sensual with the person, and if I do, it's likely I'll be aroused, and I find the person hot, and it's all connected to this pull towards them, a pull that feels sexual in nature. But, I just have sensual and aesthetic and connection desires, not sex. Sex doesn't fit in the schema. It doesn't belong. I just want kisses and cuddles, and to be important to the person. 

 

The thing is as well, that every once in a while i feel a kind of weird urge, that I am sure WOULD be a desire for sex IF desire for sex was part of the system, but when I think about having sex, I just feel confused like, that's not what I want. But what in this moment is the urge for? I don't know. I've never explored it, except I did become physical (no sex) with one of my girlfriends, and that was awesome. But when I was in an active sexual relationship, I never felt this urge for them, so I don't know if it COULD translate into a desire for sex under unusual circumstances. All I know is, I wanted more of the physical intimacy that we were having. And when sex was actually an option, it didn't feel like it belonged in the scenario. 

Thank you for sharing your experience 

 

Human sexuality will always be complicated so yeah, I think everyone may experience is differently but I think the "core" of attraction will always be feeling a "pull" towards someone, what type of pull depends on the type of attraction your experiencing

 

I do have a questions for you. As im currently struggeling with what the frick is happening to me, would you say physical arousal triggered by someone = sexual attraction? 

 

Cuz for some reason, my body reacts to certain situations/people/things with physical arousal while I dont know why thats happening as I subjectively dont find these situations/people/things to be "hot" or "sexy" or whatever. I dont feel a pull for anything, it feels like im not psychologically involved, no mental exitement, nothing. It feels like looking at any other person except from the fact my body acts weird sometimes

 

You said a part of your attraction does include arousal so, do you base your attraction off from your body responses or do you think this sexual "pull" and/or finding them hot (sexually attractive) is more important?

[uhtred]

Interesting. For me the definition of "sexual attraction" is a desire for sexual interaction - In an appropriate situation of course.  In other words you could be sexually attracted to someone on the street without desiring to have sex right there.  Or you might be attracted to someone while in a exclusive relationship, so you don't actually want to have sex.

 

For people who can have one and not the other - can you describe? What does it mean to be "sexually attracted" but not desire sex?

[rainbowocollie]

Yep. Lithsexual here. I like sex in theory and can feel attraction in some sense, like if I look at porn I can feel attracted to the women. But I don't want to actually have sex.
Do I feel attracted to people I meet? Not usually, no. Maybe one out of a million. (I felt attracted to a muscled lady I saw once, but I don't know that it was sexual attraction or not.)

I think "attraction" and "desire" are two things that normally go together, and tend to think that for allosexuals they almost always do. But I also think they can be experienced separately..... I don't think desire without attraction is a thing, though.