How would you react if someone hit on you?

[a little annihilation]

I've fantasized about this a lot mostly for the satisfaction of being on the rejecting side, but honestly I wouldn't want to be like that because even if it doesn't matter it could be hurtful to the person, and recently for the first time ever someone did, they were really sweet and shy and asked me if I would be interested in getting coffee and I told him I couldn't because I was meeting my mom soon, which was true, and I felt terrible so there you go.

Other times people have basically just harassed me, and usually I just ignore them which is really hard because I have a history of people getting mad at me for being rude but what can you do 

[Osiyo_Waya]

Well, before I realized I was ace/aro, I was completely oblivious to 90% of any flirting aimed at me.

 

Now that I am aware of all this, I avoid it like the plague. Thankfully, it doesn't happen all that much now that I'm old and ugly 🤣

[Furtive Pygmy]

I'd probably be completely oblivious to it. 

[Guest]

Any time I've actually been hit on, and it's been a few times...it actually excited me enough that I at least flirted with the person for a while and gave them some thought. I'm the type of demi where making the first move tends to be a token gesture of "I'm interested in giving you a shot as a friend or romantically and seeing if maybe it goes elsewhere". When other people have made the first move I've found myself pretty strongly drawn to them in comparison to when I do it. Something about it just gets me fired up, but so far it's always been online. If somebody I knew just walked up said "I like you. Let's do this, what do you say?"... I'd probably go for it 

[Eutierria]

It probably won't register as that. My friends have had to tell me before & to me, I'd still feel we were having an everyday conversation.  I don't know how to recognise it. 

 

I need someone to be very clear. The most recent one was being romantically pursued by a friend who was clear on their intentions but I had to turn it down as they are allo otherwise I think it could've been nice.  

[AroAce Wolf]

I think I'd be completely oblivious to being hit on. 😂 

 

But if I did realize someone was hitting on me, I'd shut it down. I don't see a point in letting that continue.

[Nearwild]

When I was younger I used to take myself out of the space if someone made a physical move on me- a classic was to bend backwards when a boy made like to kiss me. In my teens and 20s I was generally oblivious unless I was actually cornered into it. These days I'm more aware of it when it (rarely) happens, and react in blind panic. The last one was lucky he didn't get socked in the face- he didn't do anything wrong, but the attention was just too much to deal with.

[Muledeer]

I would probably flirt back at them.   I like fucking with people's intentions.

[Paula...]

The other day I got hit on by a guy without realizing... I didn't really react, because I was in a hurry (but even if now I wouldn't have realised) ... A friend pointed it out ot me and I was like "Oh, really? Good for him but not interested." XD

[ExtremelyGreedyOwner]

It is an uncomfortable experience that takes time to process. I ignore them, or make a comment to divert things. It has only happened three times in person from memory.

[wordforger]

Given past history...  1) Change the subject.  2) Try to let them off easy. I usually don't want the guys I've turned down (most of them friends) to think badly about themselves because I don't feel the same way they do.  After all, it really IS me, not them, that made me reject them, lol. 3) Introduce them to and get them to spend more time with one of my (single) friends who seems compatible.  4) Tell them outright I don't want to date them. 5) AVOID being alone with them at all costs.

 

#1 is used to head off any sorts of awkward conversations before they get too far.  #2 is where it goes if they manage to blunder past barrier #1.  #3 is often a matter of course after #2 if the guy in question is a good guy I want to see happy and he accepted my rejection.  #4 is for when they've shot past all my attempts to head them off and are still trying to blunder ahead with me.  I tend to be much more blunt at this stage, having lost patience and no longer caring about coming off as a heartless b***h. 

 

#5 is usually a reaction to people who can't respect #4 enough to stop creeping on me.  There's a certain level of avoidance at previous stages, but those tend to be temporary until it's clear that they've moved on.  #5 is permanent.  I think there's only a couple of guys who have gotten to that point.  One of them I actually kicked, punched, and dropped a class to avoid on different occasions.  Even now I cringe at the thought of him following me around, learning my schedule, buying me gifts I didn't want, trying to hold my hand and pull me around...  UGH.

[Thujaplicata]

I have had a variety of reactions. The most common being complete obliviousness. "Would you like to get a drink sometime and chat more?" somehow didn't register as being asked out till two years later...

So, if I realize it's flirting/being asked out: a big friendly smile and a cheerful "No thanks!"

If I suspect it might be flirting: recently I had a conversation I was unsure of so I slipped in a mention of my girlfriend. Another time a very drunk man on the dance floor was definitely flirting and I went the avoidance route as far as possible. I was friendly, but disengaged as soon as possible. It was rather uncomfortable. 

My favorite was a time a guy was clearly fishing, asking about my nonexistent boyfriend and then rather pleased to hear I didn't have one, which I immediately followed up with "don't want one either." It wasn't directly rejecting him because I spoke in general terms but it was a definite not interested. Then when he asked why not, I answered. And then proceeded to ask him about if he was looking for a relationship, internally cackling at the awkwardness all the while. 

Sometimes I'm a little petty...

[DemonicEnby]

Same here. If someone does not outright tell me like "wanna date/be in a relationship/get hands" I don't register it as flirting and if I do I ignore it or just straight tell the person, nope, don't wanna, don't need and not gonna do or change that. 

Generally I need hints the size of the Empire State Building to get that somebody is flirting or the like. Does that sound like the classic oblivious guy/girl in anime and manga? Yep, it does and yes, I happen to be like that nowadays. My best friend is regularly entertained because of it. 

[Stormy_E]

i'd hiss and run /j

 

tbh i'd probably just feel really uncomfortable and outright tell them i'm aroace then and there, if it was someone i knew. if it was a stranger, i'd feel really uncomfortable still, and then leave the area.

[SoulSinger7]

I don’t mind banter and conversational flirting. Although I tend to prefer if it’s very light hearted and just fun, and maybe a bit silly. I like building emotional connections like that. 
 

As soon as it becomes ‘being hit on’ or anything overtly sexual I feel awkward and want to leave - although in the past I’ve felt that it is something that I should be welcoming. Usually alcohol would influence my reaction quiet a lot - and I would go along with it. Tbh I allowed things to escalate because that seemed to be what ‘normal people’ in my social circle did. Also because it meant I wasn’t entirely ugly, repulsive, scary and unattractive (which is what I thought of myself at the time - low self-esteem alert!). 
 

Nowadays (having realised and being more comfortable with my orientation as ace) I’d just indicate I wasn’t interested and walk away. I have had my best friend run interference for me if necessary!!

[Anomaly Q3Xr]

It has been pointed out to me in the past when people have been flirting with me / hitting on me, as I had no idea.  I apparently have also behaved in a flirtatious way without that intention, though that has only been pointed out a couple of times over the years.  If someone were to hit on me now, I would likely still be oblivious unless it was extremely obvious, in which case I would simply point out that I have a partner and thus they'd be best off finding someone else to hit on.

[Eel]

Some of these replies have been pretty funny. "I'd hit them back" lol.

 

I'm terrible at accepting compliments. I tend to awkwardly thank people. The more sincere or flirty the compliment, the more awkward I get. I would be genuinely flattered however. It feels good knowing somebody likes me enough, even if it's just my looks. I'd still have to make it clear that I'm not interested in the same way so I don't lead anybody on. I've only been hit on a few times before in the past, but that's typically how it turns out.

I can be a pretty lewd dude once I get to know somebody though (Or when I'm drunk) But I still would never take it anywhere. That being said, I did have a close friend back in high school. She was just as bad as me. Not asexual though, just scared of touch. But hella lewd. So we'd flirt back and fourth all the time. I might have been super dense, but I'm pretty sure we were just using each other's acceptance of our fantasies as an outlet. I don't think it was genuine flirting. But I could never do that with a stranger, oh goodness, I'd panic.

Edited August 15, 2021 by Eel

[Anomaly Q3Xr]

2 minutes ago, Eel said:

Some of these replies have been pretty funny. "I'd hit them back" lol.

When I first saw the thread, I did think it said "How would you react if someone hit you?"  Luckily, I reread it before I posted

[RobL2415]

I'd be floored. Absolutely flattered. Depending on how I feel about that person, I'd reciprocate.

 

I'm a sex-positive ace, though, so YMMV.

[Gray Watcher]

Last time this happened to me was probably 6 or 8 years ago.  We were out wine tasting (before I quit drinking) and the gal next to me started flirting with me.  I told her I was married and she said something like "I'm married too, so what?"

 

I made a serious effort to avoid her after that and thankfully we left about 15 minutes later.

 

Even then I wasn't a young man and have never considered myself to be especially attractive so it really caught me by surprise.

[Greystoke]

If it's a girl who's ineligible to marry (say she's married already) that's disgusting. Not looking to give a cheating homewrecker the time of day, even.

If she's nice -- Sure, be friendly, but no, I am already in a relationship I think.

If a man--certainly not; I am not straight enough or gay enough for that to be a compliment.

 

If nonbinary/femboy/enby/all more recently categorized varieties-- Not sure really but oddly enough most of these people I've met seem very respectable about consent & are less likely to randomly hit on people. Good for them, I suppose.

 

 

 

 

 

[Zhorin]

I don't see this ever happening. In the off chance that it does and that I actually recognize it as such, I suppose my reaction would be something like this: 

[Mult]

If it is just simple things such as flirtatiously charged compliments: just smile and nod and make some comment about their appearance. This is since it can sometimes be difficult to tell what compliments are flirtatious and what are just friendly (sometimes it is obvious, but can be rude to point out in some circumstances. So it's best to bring it down to mutual friendly compliments)

 

In worst cases: do not make eye contact, do not acknowledge person who is flirting, preoccupy myself in something that xlearly indicates that I am busy. If leaving is possible, it is preferable.

[Shoro]

Usually suspicious, standoffish and defensive? 😂 Also secretly flattered. 

[UsiresAedon]

Hetero-romantic, sex-repulsed ace here. Assuming we are talking about non-sexual flirting/compliments/hitting on, then I delight in both giving and receiving it. Though this requires us to agree semantically upon what "hitting on" actually means. With that being said, as soon as there is a sexual interest from the other person (or at least a perceived sexual interest), then I immediately shut it down by not responding/ignoring the behavior.

 

19 hours ago, Shoro said:

Usually suspicious, standoffish and defensive? 😂 Also secretly flattered. 

I love this. This describes... a certain woman that I know all too well these days.

[Purple Red Panda]

Assuming I noticed (which is not a given) I'd probably be very confused. I don't think that's related to being asexual in my case but more to do with personality disorder/neurodiversity stuff. It's not like this is the kind of thing that really comes up for me, which is a shame as I'd like to meet someone.

[doggalogga]

It's uncomfortable

Unless I know they're ace, I'm pretty guarded

[Koriander]

On 8/1/2021 at 9:50 AM, Ico said:

I'd probably be completely oblivious to it. 

mood unless someone directly, bluntly, LITERALLY tells me they're damned attracted to me, i can't pick up hints. so people: either tell me youre interested or give up, i'm not the person to be making hints to, if you want me. show it by telling me so i know, goes for any gender. i'm sick of cis girls trying to hint at it, juST TELL THE PERSON. skdgdfkhdkf

im tired honestly, this is esp hard bc ive been rejected two times and now i don't want to flirt or ask anyone out again. they need to do the step

but yeah, if they're aesthetically pleasing, cute, androgynous or feminine or both, ill be accepting of it instantlyyy.

just a shame i can't tell hints, flirts (unless extremely directly) or such. 

 

but i honeslty dont think anyone has irl... rip me, too ugly

[Koriander]

On 8/1/2021 at 6:26 PM, Muledeer said:

I would probably flirt back at them.   I like fucking with people's intentions.

lol i do that unintentionally/subconciously online (only) ill flirt and tease people without knowing, even lewd-ly... 😳 then i panic and retreat when my accidental teasing has made them even more interested in me aaaaa- halp

[Guest]

from other women, to me it would mean that they like my aesthetic, probably my tattoos or clothes or jewelry or something, and i'd be thankful for the compliment. from guys, on the other hand, i tend to see it as people who think they can "uncover the secret perv in me [which doesn't exist]" or otherwise sweet-talk their way into my pants, and it's disappointing because i know i'm not what they really want [since the sex they want isn't going to happen], and it makes me spiral into hopelessness about being alone forever.