Jump to content

The disabled and eldely


mackat5

Recommended Posts

I have in the past, worked in an institution with mentally retarded citizens. I now work with people who are elderly and disabled, cleaning the house, keeping them at home. Now, the question is, how about many of these who, for one reason or the other, don't have sex are asexual, or are they celebate? Some are not interested, but without asking something that is none of my business, I don't know how many.

The thought came up because one of my clients has never married, and as far as I know, has never had sex. She has always been physically disabled. But how about the retarded?? Most of the most severly impacted know nothing about sex or anything else. Reactions??

Link to post
Share on other sites

As with the rest of the population, they're the only ones who would know for sure if they're asexual or celibate.

But I think you're right in that it's nobody else's business. I'm entitled to respect and privacy about my sex life, they are too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually, lots of institutions have become highly enthusiastic about acknowledging that people with various disabilities may be sexual, as of course they may, though the elderly may be shyer about discussing it. It's a complicated topic. When I worked in a residential home there were a few linked rooms for married couples, but I was also aware of women who may have been lesbian all their lives - I was guessing, they didn't say so, they may have been asexual, and yes, I respected their privacy but felt a bit sad for their invisibility.

Also, in the late 1960s there was a big move to make wards in psychiatric hospitals mixed so it would be more like "normal life" - the doctors keen on this meant so that (hetero)sexual flirting might occur. It's a great ongoing bugbear not only to lesbian and gay people but to others, including women in hospital as a result of abuses, who currently feel less safe around the other gender.

And there are also people with profound learning disabilities who have formed sexual relationships, sometimes not understanding the issues around contraception and being prescribed contraceptives by professionals. It feels like a whole minefield to have professionals respect people's privacy as well as their reality, whatever that happens to be.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Over the years, I have worked with special olympics, and from what I have experienced, the people in the program live fullfilling lives, including employment/cars/boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/ and wives. Don't ever underestimate anyone with challenges in their lives. Those challenges make them stronger and more focused.

But as for your question, most that I know personally are sexual. People are people.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I believe that many decades ago, they used to sterilize such people. Sad, but true. Both retarded people and mentally ill people were sterilized -- this was called "eugenics."

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Well, sadly I had hoped for a little more on this topic than there seems to be here... i was hopeful someone might touch base with, well, men don't seem to lose much in the way of sex drive throughout their life. Plenty of senior citizens have Very healthy sex drives and sex lives. My particular area of interest is menopause in women & how it affects their sex lives.

This may be overly graphic so I will apologize ahead of time if you are easily squicked by medical or detailed sexual explanation please excuse yourself here.

So here's my 2c

I believe I am sexually disabled. I consider myself a surgically induced Asexual. I had a total abdominal hysterectomy due to ovarian cancer, and without my hormones (as with many women[bUT NOT ALL!] over menopause) I have NO sex drive. I physically feel I am back to pre-pubescence as far as feeling completely mystified by what seems like Sex-Mania in 'normal' people. On top of that, since I have no sex drive, I produce No Lubricant which the medical community seems to think is easily remedied with traditional lubricant...however when you have Vaginal Atrophy no amount of lube will make you stretch like it used to. And even though I have NO desire to have sex my medical community insists that I not only have sex regularly (regardless of the PAIN) they insist I do stretching exercises 3x a week with a dildo!

That has probably horrified 90% of the asexuals here, sorry about the graphic nature. But I am Disabled and Asexual and even though I'm only 35 (that's older than a lot on here) since I am post menopausal my physical age is closer to 50 so I'm sure I identify with those here probably better than any other area on AVEN.

So yea, I'm 35 & my doctors are driving me crazy because I'm TOO YOUNG to consider "giving up on sex" & they are convinced I will regret it if I don't work to keep myself physically ABLE to have sex. When the way I look at it I never really found myself a place in this sexual world & I'm more than happy to leave that chapter of my life behind. I've had kids & everything, no regrets. What I regret is the constant anxiety worrying about sex, Watching my partner for signs of testosterone poisoning....when is it coming next, how much will it hurt this time? Physically & mentally.

So count yourself lucky if you have the choice to be Asexual, my doctors won't let me consider celibacy even though I would like to count myself Asexual.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, sadly I had hoped for a little more on this topic than there seems to be here... i was hopeful someone might touch base with, well, men don't seem to lose much in the way of sex drive throughout their life. Plenty of senior citizens have Very healthy sex drives and sex lives. My particular area of interest is menopause in women & how it affects their sex lives.

This may be overly graphic so I will apologize ahead of time if you are easily squicked by medical or detailed sexual explanation please excuse yourself here.

So here's my 2c

I believe I am sexually disabled. I consider myself a surgically induced Asexual. I had a total abdominal hysterectomy due to ovarian cancer, and without my hormones (as with many women[bUT NOT ALL!] over menopause) I have NO sex drive. I physically feel I am back to pre-pubescence as far as feeling completely mystified by what seems like Sex-Mania in 'normal' people. On top of that, since I have no sex drive, I produce No Lubricant which the medical community seems to think is easily remedied with traditional lubricant...however when you have Vaginal Atrophy no amount of lube will make you stretch like it used to. And even though I have NO desire to have sex my medical community insists that I not only have sex regularly (regardless of the PAIN) they insist I do stretching exercises 3x a week with a dildo!

That has probably horrified 90% of the asexuals here, sorry about the graphic nature. But I am Disabled and Asexual and even though I'm only 35 (that's older than a lot on here) since I am post menopausal my physical age is closer to 50 so I'm sure I identify with those here probably better than any other area on AVEN.

So yea, I'm 35 & my doctors are driving me crazy because I'm TOO YOUNG to consider "giving up on sex" & they are convinced I will regret it if I don't work to keep myself physically ABLE to have sex. When the way I look at it I never really found myself a place in this sexual world & I'm more than happy to leave that chapter of my life behind. I've had kids & everything, no regrets. What I regret is the constant anxiety worrying about sex, Watching my partner for signs of testosterone poisoning....when is it coming next, how much will it hurt this time? Physically & mentally.

So count yourself lucky if you have the choice to be Asexual, my doctors won't let me consider celibacy even though I would like to count myself Asexual.

I am sorry for you PedAntics..but from what you say the problem would seem to be a husband who won't accept what has happened to you rather than the facts per se.

However just as there are other ways of "pleasuring" a woman other than coitus so there are ways of pleasuring a man.

You might find this site worth a look..

http://whitelotuseast.com/

roddy

Link to post
Share on other sites

The first time I ever heard the word "asexual" used to refer to a person was an article on people with physical disabilities. The gist of the article was that many people tend to think of those with disabilities as asexual even though the majority of them do have normal sex drives and do experience sexual attraction.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do not believe a physician should tell a patient / client how to live their life. They should assist them in living the life they want to live.

So if you have had kids already & etc... then what is the prob? If you are happy being asexual, then no one should over rule your right to your free will to live as you choose.

You have not horrorfied me, and I'm sure you have not horrorfied other people... I feel bad about your problems with your doctor & your discomfort & your situation.

P.S. By the way, there are some of us who believe that being asexual isn't a "choice" -- that perhaps it might be genetic or that we were "born that way" -- you know like you grow up & see your friends go whacky over boys and you are like, what's going on & why am I the only sane one left & etc...

Well... good like with your health issues. Maybe you need a new doctor.

Link to post
Share on other sites

... my doctors won't let me consider celibacy even though I would like to count myself Asexual.

PedAntics, your story is so sad and you sound very unhappy with the status quo. IMHOP, since you're a grown-up woman, you needn't let other people make decisions for you regarding your sexual conduct.

It is none of your doctor's business if, when, or how often, you have sex. If you don't want it, don't have it. Just say NO.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Wow, PedAntics, I wonder if that's the same doctor who told me I was too young to have a hysterectomy (at age 40), even though I begged for one because of excruciating menstrual pain! I used to live in Sacramento! And I ended up HAVING to have the surgery at age 46 due to endometriosis. This was after moving away from Sac. Between brain surgery (hemorrhage) and female surgery, I am now asexual, but happier that way! I'm with Aeriel--if you don't want it, Just Say NO!

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have in the past, worked in an institution with mentally retarded citizens. I now work with people who are elderly and disabled, cleaning the house, keeping them at home. Now, the question is, how about many of these who, for one reason or the other, don't have sex are asexual, or are they celebate? Some are not interested, but without asking something that is none of my business, I don't know how many.

The thought came up because one of my clients has never married, and as far as I know, has never had sex. She has always been physically disabled. But how about the retarded?? Most of the most severly impacted know nothing about sex or anything else. Reactions??

I work with many different clients at an organization (emotional/behavior/mental)

most of them have sexual needs and we do show them the respect of privacy by explaining them the appropriate times to be alone in their own bedrooms and not in common areas such as living rooms or the showers which is prohbited. If in a case of having a roomate they can schedule alone time each day that is up to the individuals.

however theres some clients that's higher functioning that just have emotional problems they absoutely CANNOT touch any of other clients thats deemed to be low-moderate functioning even if the other client wants the relationship as its "taking advantage" of in the eyes of the law, they can be found guilty of rape so we do not allow this to happen.

We have clients who have sexual relations but they do it on their own time out in the community.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...