ConfusedAceHere Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 HELP! I think I’m having a crush and I’m feeling so restless and obsessive 😔 I think I’m grey sexual - i had a huge crush on someone about 5 years ago and I couldnt stop thinking about the person both romantically and sexually (even though I’ve never really had any sexual experience) then… and that was it, no crush before or after that. I’ve been living peacefully, enjoying friendly connections and friendship since then. …Then boom!!!!! I think im having another crush - and guess what, I’ve never even met this person!! I got to know the person online and somehow the person turned me on, so to speak…. It’s a really weird feeling - my heart skips a bit whenever I see that the person is online… (and I’ve avoided talking to the person since I realised this 😂 too nervous…) How do you deal with having a crush? I’m so confused and I’m not that young so it feels a bit silly to feel this way 😳 Link to post Share on other sites
Morays Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 7 minutes ago, ConfusedAceHere said: How do you deal with having a crush? Not knowing what the exact situation with this person is, I'd say it's at least worth considering telling them how you feel. Getting a definitive answer one way or the other is generally the best way to "deal with it," in my experience. The uncertainty of whether feelings are reciprocated is what exacerbates those obsessive thoughts for me and makes them nearly impossible to get rid of. Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 I'm 52 & I remember my first crush on a guy was when I five. On a girl was when I was nine. I'm still having crushes to this day. One of the things I've learned this past year, I don't think I've ever truly been in love. Or, if I have, it's my version of it. Not what I believed it would be. Mainly, I just have crushes. For me, it's intellectual & emotional connections. Which is why I can have feelings for someone I've only gotten to know online. I can understand, since this is just the second one for you, how it can be rather disconcerting. Does it lift your spirits? Does not communicating with them make you feel worse? Do you want them to reciprocate the feeling? I've learned that just enjoying that little boost is enough. I've figured out I really prefer friends, much more than anything. Friends that can be affectionate, is good. Though, some think if they're that it can lead to more romantic and/or sexual. Which I don't want. It can be tricky navigating that. Link to post Share on other sites
annaofthestars Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 43 minutes ago, Morays said: Not knowing what the exact situation with this person is, I'd say it's at least worth considering telling them how you feel. Getting a definitive answer one way or the other is generally the best way to "deal with it," in my experience. The uncertainty of whether feelings are reciprocated is what exacerbates those obsessive thoughts for me and makes them nearly impossible to get rid of. Yeah! Talking about your feelings with them, even though it may seem scary- is the best way to figure everything out. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAceHere Posted June 17, 2021 Author Share Posted June 17, 2021 13 hours ago, Morays said: Not knowing what the exact situation with this person is, I'd say it's at least worth considering telling them how you feel. Getting a definitive answer one way or the other is generally the best way to "deal with it," in my experience. The uncertainty of whether feelings are reciprocated is what exacerbates those obsessive thoughts for me and makes them nearly impossible to get rid of. Thank you for your reply!! The thing is we hardly know each other… I’ve been feeling this way since we talked by phone! And we talked just for once so it might come across as a bit weird 😂 I’d rather pretend nothing has happens for now but thank you for your advice!! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAceHere Posted June 17, 2021 Author Share Posted June 17, 2021 13 hours ago, GypsyButterfly said: I'm 52 & I remember my first crush on a guy was when I five. On a girl was when I was nine. I'm still having crushes to this day. One of the things I've learned this past year, I don't think I've ever truly been in love. Or, if I have, it's my version of it. Not what I believed it would be. Mainly, I just have crushes. For me, it's intellectual & emotional connections. Which is why I can have feelings for someone I've only gotten to know online. I can understand, since this is just the second one for you, how it can be rather disconcerting. Does it lift your spirits? Does not communicating with them make you feel worse? Do you want them to reciprocate the feeling? I've learned that just enjoying that little boost is enough. I've figured out I really prefer friends, much more than anything. Friends that can be affectionate, is good. Though, some think if they're that it can lead to more romantic and/or sexual. Which I don't want. It can be tricky navigating that. Thank you for sharing your stories, very much appreciated! And yes, I feel the same - I’ve never really been in love and if i have ever been so, it’s my idea of them. 😅 This feels really weird because I really thought I’d never have a crush again - and a crush on someone I’ve never even met is what makes it even more weird! I’m so confused and I must admit it lifts my spirits - feeling giddy etc 😅 but I’m so afraid if I’d be overly obsessed and somehow I’m beginning to feel so inadequate and insecure 😂 And what makes it even more weird is I hardly know him - we talked by phone just once… so it’s not necessarily a case of intellectual & emotional connections you mentioned, which I think are beautiful forms of human relationship (I usually gravitate towards this as well). Thank you again for sharing your stories and considerate words! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAceHere Posted June 17, 2021 Author Share Posted June 17, 2021 13 hours ago, annaofthestars said: Yeah! Talking about your feelings with them, even though it may seem scary- is the best way to figure everything out. I’m not quite sure about this yet because we hardly know each other really…. It’d feel weird for them I think 😅 Thank you for your advice anyway! I’d consider that later 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 @ConfusedAceHere There's different reasons why someone can create a spark in us. I'm the type that tries to figure things out. I tend to be inquisitive & love to learn about & understand, pretty much, everything. It's not as easy to piece together what has caused our feelings & what type they are. If it's not someone I don't see or communicate with often, I just try to enjoy the moment. If it's someone regularly in my life, yes I can get stressed as to the meaning of it & wanting more. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAceHere Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 4 hours ago, GypsyButterfly said: @ConfusedAceHere There's different reasons why someone can create a spark in us. I'm the type that tries to figure things out. I tend to be inquisitive & love to learn about & understand, pretty much, everything. It's not as easy to piece together what has caused our feelings & what type they are. If it's not someone I don't see or communicate with often, I just try to enjoy the moment. If it's someone regularly in my life, yes I can get stressed as to the meaning of it & wanting more. You ooze perceptiveness and calm! Absolutely love your energy and thank you yet again for your reply 😊😊 I actually messaged them this evening and I’m feeling super nervous 😂 As you said, I’ll try to enjoy the moment instead of getting worried and restless 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 @ConfusedAceHere Thanks so much for that compliment. That gave me a nice boost. Have you heard back from therm? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedAceHere Posted June 23, 2021 Author Share Posted June 23, 2021 On 6/21/2021 at 12:36 PM, GypsyButterfly said: @ConfusedAceHere Thanks so much for that compliment. That gave me a nice boost. Have you heard back from therm? You’re most welcome and thanks again! 😊😊 I’ve exchanged a few messages since then but that’s it. 😞 I want to be friends with this person at least but they seem busy and have got a wide range of interests - I can’t say for sure though because I hardly know them…. I still can’t stop thinking about them and I feel really silly for doing so 😫 and a bit sad too 😢 at the same time it feels like a learning experience, because this must be what most people go through with more frequency (and possibly with less intensity because they must be used to it after some experiences) 😣 Link to post Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon Posted July 2, 2021 Share Posted July 2, 2021 I can't answer for anyone else, but my crushes have been at different levels. I don't know why I have stronger ones for some than I do for others. It's one of those intangible things. I know for me the intensity doesn't lessen over time. Every crush is a new experience. It's always unexpected. Which is part of the allure & fun. At least for me. Link to post Share on other sites
amillionstars Posted July 4, 2021 Share Posted July 4, 2021 Just keep chatting with them! Get to know eachother, and maybe see if it turns into something more real! Crushes are tons of fun, just enjoy it! Maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it wont, but liking someone is overall a fun experience, dont take it too seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
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