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Trigger warning: Is this abuse?


hopeisnotlost

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hopeisnotlost

Cuz I honestly dont know. I told my friend about it he said it was. I thought it was normal parenting. My aunt and uncle whenever I got in trouble would have me stand in the corner...usually when parents do this it's only for a few minutes. But in my case it'd be weeks maybe months at a time. I sometimes would forget why I was in there. I'd only be allowed to sit when told to and I'd still have to stand for hours. I'd only be allowed out for 5 reasons: to go to the bathroom, to sleep, to eat, school, and to rub my aunt or uncle's feet or back. Is it abusive to be in the corner that long? If it is why? Edit: By the way this was in the past is not a current thing. I no longer live with them

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AavaMeri

My gut feeling is that it is very disproportionate punishment, at least if the trouble is anything akin to substandard grades or coming home a little late. I don't know how old you are (you sound young given that punishment is even a thing), but weeks or months (!) in corner can't do you any good. How about exercise, social life, mentally winding back from school work?

What benefit this kind of punishment even has, other than to be incredibly uncomfortable to you? And if there actually was something really bad you did (like hitting someone in anger or breaking law), I can come up with a plethora of more sensible punishments even if I'm not a parent. Things like removing access to social media, grounding, extra chores, paying back whatever damage you did from your own purse, etc.

My opinion: This is abuse.
Reason: Sounds to be severely disproportionate punishment and, more importantly, is likely to damage your physical and especially mental wellbeing. Especially if that is weeks or months!

USA people ahoy, can you give the OP advice on how to proceed? Depending on what is the OP's age, should they contact child welfare? School nurse? Or police?

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hopeisnotlost
2 minutes ago, AavaMeri said:

My gut feeling is that it is very disproportionate punishment, at least if the trouble is anything akin to substandard grades or coming home a little late. I don't know how old you are (you sound young given that punishment is even a thing), but weeks or months (!) in corner can't do you any good. How about exercise, social life, mentally winding back from school work?

What benefit this kind of punishment even has, other than to be incredibly uncomfortable to you? And if there actually was something really bad you did (like hitting someone in anger or breaking law), I can come up with a plethora of more sensible punishments even if I'm not a parent. Things like removing access to social media, grounding, extra chores, paying back whatever damage you did from your own purse, etc.

My opinion: This is abuse.
Reason: Sounds to be severely disproportionate punishment and, more importantly, is likely to damage your physical and especially mental wellbeing. Especially if that is weeks or months!

USA people ahoy, can you give him advice on how to proceed? Depending on what is the OP's age, should they contact child welfare? Or police?

I am 19 now. No need to get police involved...I was talking of the past...this is not a current thing.

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AavaMeri

The age clarifies. I still hope that someone from USA replies, because I have no clue on how things about this work over there. 

But some lower level thoughts: Have you been able to talk about this with your aunt and uncle, and point out how disproportionate and unfair the punishment is? If things can be talked out, great, but if you feel like they might harm you if you ask, then protect yourself and don't ask. Your safety comes first.

Now when writing this it occurs to me that you might want to call some kind of abuse help line and ask about this.

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hopeisnotlost
1 minute ago, AavaMeri said:

The age clarifies. I still hope that someone from USA replies, because I have no clue on how things about this work over there. 

But some lower level thoughts: Have you been able to talk about this with your aunt and uncle, and point out how disproportionate and unfair the punishment is? If things can be talked out, great, but if you feel like they might harm you if you ask, then protect yourself and don't ask. Your safety comes first.

Now when writing this it occurs to me that you might want to call some kind of abuse help line and ask about this.

I no longer live with them. I was reflecting on the past.

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AavaMeri
Just now, AavaMeri said:

[...]but if you feel like they might harm you if you ask, then protect yourself and don't ask. Your safety comes first.

That being said, if you are afraid to ask about the punishment in fear of being physically or mentally harmed, that is a bad sign. And it is also a bad sign if you are physically or mentally harmed for asking about it.

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hopeisnotlost
1 minute ago, AavaMeri said:

That being said, if you are afraid to ask about the punishment in fear of being physically or mentally harmed, that is a bad sign. And it is also a bad sign if you are physically or mentally harmed for asking about it.

See above what I wrote. This is in the past. I no longer an living with either of them

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AavaMeri
Just now, hopeisnotlost said:

I no longer live with them. I was reflecting on the past.

Oooooh. Okay, thank goodness. I assumed you were still living at them. Good thing you are out.

Still my point stands. It's abuse, and that kind of punishment is a no-no.

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hopeisnotlost
Just now, AavaMeri said:

Oooooh. Okay, thank goodness. I assumed you were still living at them. Good thing you are out.

Still my point stands. It's abuse, and that kind of punishment is a no-no.

Ok. I understand

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Anthracite_Impreza

This is beyond abuse, it's fucking sick shit. It isn't even remotely normal.

 

I hope you can start to recover now; don't be afraid of your feelings because you'll almost certainly start realising how bad it was in time.

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1 hour ago, hopeisnotlost said:

...Is it abusive to be in the corner that long? If it is why? Edit: By the way this was in the past is not a current thing. I no longer live with them

Yes. That was abusive because it was excessive punishment.

 

I'm sorry that you went through that. It's good, though, that you're no longer living with them and being treated that way.

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Mag, the Drifter

I would 100% call this abusive. Remember, abuse comes in many varieties. It can still be physical abuse even if they never lay a finger on you, and this seems like emotional abuse as well to me.

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bare_trees

I think it is physically abusive to make someone stand for that long as well as psychologically abusive to let it go on so long that the person cannot even remember why they are being punished.  At that point I think it's way beyond being anything resembling a useful learning experience--how can you improve your behavior if you've been punished so long you don't even know what you've done wrong in order to correct it?  I'm glad you no longer live with these people.

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alsjeblieft

...wut?

 

Standing in the corner for weeks or months? 😮 and I thought my parents were exaggerating when they were raising me.

It's definitely some form of abuse. Not only physical, but also psychological. What has been said before: this is not normal. A normal person doesn't restrict another person's personal freedom, especially not for such a long time!

 

Quote

I'd only be allowed out for 5 reasons: to go to the bathroom, to sleep, to eat, school, and to rub my aunt or uncle's feet or back.

That's even worse. Were you a slave to them or what? I'm actually very sorry this all has happened to you. I hope you're okay and safe now.

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hopeisnotlost
7 minutes ago, alsjeblieft said:

...wut?

 

Standing in the corner for weeks or months? 😮 and I thought my parents were exaggerating when they were raising me.

It's definitely some form of abuse. Not only physical, but also psychological. What has been said before: this is not normal. A normal person doesn't restrict another person's personal freedom, especially not for such a long time!

 

That's even worse. Were you a slave to them or what? I'm actually very sorry this all has happened to you. I hope you're okay and safe now.

Hey I don't see the problem with me rubbing their feet or back. That was something I offered to do one time and did so that happened often as a result.

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20 hours ago, hopeisnotlost said:

Hey I don't see the problem with me rubbing their feet or back. That was something I offered to do one time and did so that happened often as a result.

My initial reaction to seeing that was to read it as sadism, honestly.  It seems to me like a manipulative technique intended to ensure that you would understand that they rule and you are their slave.  You innocently offered to do it once, and they turned it into something else.  It sounds like something you would do to keep someone in line.  "You can be temporarily released from your endless punishment...if you're willing to give me a back rub."  You experienced it and I didn't, but I'm just telling you that that's where my mind would go if a friend told me that this took place in their house.

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4 hours ago, bare_trees said:

My initial reaction to seeing that was to read it as sadism, honestly.  It seems to me like a manipulative technique intended to ensure that you would understand that they rule and you are their slave.  You innocently offered to do it once, and they turned it into something else.  It sounds like something you would do to keep someone in line.  "You can be temporarily released from your endless punishment...if you're willing to give me a back rub."  You experienced it and I didn't, but I'm just telling you that that's where my mind would go if a friend told me that this took place in their house.

Oh

 

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