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Hello, I'm female, old (49) and asexual. First let me appologise for my bad english, since it is not my native language. I think I've been asexual for my whole life, but I didn't know that asexuality existed untill few years ago, so I thought that I just don't have much of a libido. I do have it, but I don't need anyone to satisfy it, nor do I find anyone sexually atractive. I am biromatic, divorced for 10 years, and I have a desire for romantic relationship, preferably with a woman, but is is very hard to find ace woman my age at my surounding.

Anyway, the main reason I found this place is my daughter. She is 16, and she is also asexual and biromantic, or so she says. And, she didn't got that from me, since we never spoke about that topics 'till she outed herself to me. After the divorce from her father I haven't had a partner, nor I spoke with her about my sexuality.

She was in a relationship with a lovely, great 18 yo bisexual girl for a month, but eventualy they broke up because the girl is very sexual and sensual, and my daughter could not give her what she needed. She loved her romaticaly, very much, but she apparently has no need for physical touch, except hugging and holding hands. The girl couldn't understand, or accept that, so she broke up the relationship.

My daughter is devastated, she misses her girlfriend very much, and she thinks she will never be able to maintain a relationship because of this. She just couldn't force herself to kiss the girl first, not to speak of other things.

I don't know how to help her, so I am devastated too. It is very dificult to find people such as ourselves in our little country. :(

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Sarah-Sylvia

Welcome! :)

🎂🍰🧁

I hope both you and your daughter can find some things that help or bring comfort along the journey.

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It's very difficult to find other asexual people in your close environment, that bit is true, but it's always only a matter of time before we encounter people who are ready to cope with our asexuality ! Breaking up is a trial, but things will only get better from then on ❤️

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Life Of Tass

Welcome to AVEN @Floris! It is tradition to welcome new members with cake, so this seems fitting here!

 

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3 hours ago, Floris said:

I am biromatic, divorced for 10 years, and I have a desire for romantic relationship, preferably with a woman, but is is very hard to find ace woman my age at my surounding.

I know it's not the same as IRL interactions, and keep in mind that AVEN isn't a dating site (though relationships between members can form naturally!), but I think that you might be interested in this thread for sapphic asexual women! Don't be fooled by the name, biromantic women are more than welcome to post and discuss their experiences there as well!

 

 

There's also a forum for older asexual folks, in case you would like to check that out!

 

https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/32-older-asexuals/

 

3 hours ago, Floris said:

She was in a relationship with a lovely, great 18 yo bisexual girl for a month, but eventualy they broke up because the girl is very sexual and sensual, and my daughter could not give her what she needed.

Yeah, this situation is extremely unfortunate for everyone involved. Romantic relationships when you're a teen are sort of a nightmare to navigate, and that goes double for same-gender relationships, and about extends to infinity for mixed orientation sexual-asexual same gender relationships.

 

3 hours ago, Floris said:

She loved her romaticaly, very much, but she apparently has no need for physical touch, except hugging and holding hands. The girl couldn't understand, or accept that, so she broke up the relationship.

I'd like to speak as a sexual lesbian here. It's not that she didn't understand or accept your daughter's asexuality, it's that she couldn't be in a relationship with a person who wasn't and never would be sexually attracted to her, and this means that her relationship with your daughter would never have worked out. I know it might be baffling to you as an asexual, but for us sexual folks, romantic and sexual attraction does tend to go hand in hand, and our relationships feel incomplete if they're nothing but romantic. We want to know that our partner is attracted to us, romantically and sexually, and we want to feel romantically and sexually desired by our partners, as we romantically and sexually desire them.

 

There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that your daughter really did love this girl romantically, and that this girl loved her back. The fact that the relationship didn't work out is no one's fault, it is simply an unfortunate situation.

 

I know that this is very easy for me as an individual who doesn't know anyone involved to say, but the fact that this relationship ended early on has saved both your daughter and her ex girlfriend from a LOT of heartache.

 

3 hours ago, Floris said:

My daughter is devastated, she misses her girlfriend very much, and she thinks she will never be able to maintain a relationship because of this. She just couldn't force herself to kiss the girl first, not to speak of other things.

First of all, I'm very glad your daughter didnt force herself to do something she wasn't comfortable with. I understand that the break up hurts a lot. She needs time and space to be able to process it.

 

Tell your daughter not to worry about not being able to find another relationship. She's 16 and has her whole life in front of her! The internet has made it possible for us to connect and meet other people regardless of physical geographic location, and I'm more than certain that your daughter will eventually find a partner who loves her for who she is! Perhaps another asexual girl or an asexual guy? I understand that right now she feels alone and scared, but if she knows that there are more people like her in the world, maybe she'll feel less alone. Have you thought about telling her about AVEN? We have a teen corner for asexual teens to discuss their experiences and make friends, and AVEN is a space welcoming to anybody over 13 years old! I joined AVEN when I was... about 15 or 16 years old myself.

 

I'm 18 years old now, and I have never been in a relationship with anyone. While all my cishet friends were free to explore their attraction and form relationships, I had to go on a journey of self discovery, in regards to both sexuality and gender identity (I'm a nonbinary butch lesbian). Now that I know who I am and what I want, I'm free to go ahead and explore the world and make new friends and maybe even find a girlfriend! Sure sounds nice! Anyway, it's not uncommon for us queer people to find ourselves a bit later in life, and live our teen years in our 20s (or later), so to speak.

 

3 hours ago, Floris said:

I don't know how to help her, so I am devastated too.

Joining AVEN to ask us for advice was an amazing first step! I'd advise you to let your daughter know that she's not "broken" or "undesirable" for being asexual, and that the break up was not her fault. Does she know you're a biromantic asexual too?

 

4 hours ago, Floris said:

It is very dificult to find people such as ourselves in our little country.

I'm Greek and living in Greece, and let me just say, I can relate. We have a meetup mart, have you seen it yet? Perhaps there's a meetup thread for people in your country there! Even if you can't physically meet up, you still may be able to talk to people from your country!

 

Anyway, I wish both you and your daughter the best! If you want to ask me anything, feel free!

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Hello Floris,

 

Welcome to the forums!

 

I hope your daughter can heal from her breakup 💜 as others have said, maybe she can join this forum as well, to meet other teens like herself?

 

I don't have anything to add because @Life Of Tass kind of made a perfect answer for everything :)

 

(not important but your English is perfect, don't apologize for it!)

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Posted (edited)

Thank you all for your support!

I told her about this forum, but as she is a teenager, she doesn't want to do what mum tells her. 😄  She just said "ok, i'll check it out" so maybe she will someday. 

@Life of Tass I didn't tell her about my orientation, I think it's not the right time. You are right that it is probably fortunate that their relationship ended early, that girl was smarth enough to see it will not work for them, but I am so sad, I have never seen such a loving and kind person before, I thought they will be soo happy together 😢

There is not a meetup of that kind in my country (which is close to Greece btw)

 

Edited by Floris
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jkmlynch

@Life Of Tass said everything perfectly, so I will simply welcome you to AVEN 🍰

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Lichley

Welcome! Unfortunately the only advice I can offer is ice cream, movies, and lots of hugs. She’ll appreciate you helping her through this, in her own teenager-y way :P 

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