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Any advice for making friends when you get older


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Garden Party

As you get older, your friends get married and have kids. The relationships change. It is always weird because I don’t want to be a third wheel. So you can’t go do things like before.
 

Then there are singles groups, But they just try to push you into dating. I don’t know if they have sites for wanting  people to go do things with. Everything seems to be about DATING! Grrrrrr.
 

Don’t people just enjoy spending time with others doing activities they both like without all of the nonsense? 
 

How do you meet people to be friends with when everything is about dating?  
 

 

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Developing new quality friendships can be hard because it takes time to build up trust in any relationship, which requires regularity of interaction.

 

However, there are plenty of ways to meet new people that have nothing to do with dating. Checkout meetup.com for meetups aligned with your interests in your locality, meet people through work, meet people at industry related events, bookclubs, join a sports team or gym class, volunteer, attend local community events, involve yourself in activism around a cause you care about, do a short course, or attend LGBTQIA+ community events that are not dating related.

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GingerRose
14 minutes ago, Garden Party said:

How do you meet people to be friends with when everything is about dating?  
 

Meetup.com

Volunteering

Faith groups

School clubs

Associations of interest

Adult Ed Classes

Trivia Nights

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Basi.biroace

As I've gotten older, I've learned that I'd rather have 2-3 really good friends than a large handful.  I've also gotten into a lot of personal hobbies so that when I do get to spend time with my friends, I have things to talk about. My therapist actually told me that recent studies have proven that social happiness can occur with a single really good friend.  

My advice would be to not concern yourself with how many friends you have, rather the quality of friends. Relationships change for sure, and you can always rekindle friendships later on down the road. Understand people are busy. 

 

Oh, I also do a lot of online gaming. A few of my friends are actually online. 

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theV0ID

I made friends via social groups which weren't about dating. There's plenty of them on Meetup.com. Just avoid one's which are explicitly for "singles". Also volunteering.

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It can be trickier currently, with covid and all, but I expect that to ease up eventually.

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I am now 66 and new on the forum and have a reasonable circle of friends who probably think I'm a bit odd in a nice way  I tend to join walking and birdwatching type activities where the focus is not on dating and are very mixed with singles couples but i would love to meet friends who are more like me but proving not easy x

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coffeedup

I don’t have any close friends at the moment. I moved from Illinois to Southwest Michigan and don’t really know anyone here. I really want to meet someone to hang out with and develop a closer relationship with. 

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DemonicSister

I was very social when I was younger and had to realise that what I called friends weren't really that. Most of them I met when I was still actively going to parties and stuff, but now I keep contact with very few of them. And being here on the forum I found some people who I would call friends though I don't know if I will ever meet then in rl any time soon. 

The other part is me being too lazy for the whole getting to know people shindig and stepping in the others toes because I am finding myself too old to bother with being careful about sensitivities all the time and just think well, here I am, deal with it or eff off. 

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ElloryJaye

I believe you have to start by meeting people.  Which would explain why I don't have any friends.  😅

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Joy_chiqui

I don't know - but I have the same question/need to make friends - casual friends are nice but I need someone that is as committed to the friendship/relationship as I am. I have had really close friends... but they leave me in the end. I'm so tired of being disposable.

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coffeedup

Hi Joy. 
I agree. The older I get the tougher it is to form new solid relationships. 
PM me if you’d like chat. You can always at least have a chat buddy. 

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muffinmamak

Joining a group of some sort helps a lot.  My closest friends are from my 12 step recovery group.  But joining a gardening plot, or volunteer organization is a great way to meet like minded people.  Do you have any hobbies that there are groups for?  I'm thinking of looking for a birdwatching group to join.  Also, for some reason, hanging out in a coffee shop always seems to lead to new friendships.  Are there any hobbies or anything that you are into?

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Amethyst_Jade

I find myself in a similar situation. I can literally say I have no friends and haven't had any close friends for several years. I am out of practice and not sure how to remedy the situation. Thank you all for contributing your opinions to this topic. Sometimes it is a great help just to know your not the only one having such an experience!

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