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Asexual from beginning ?


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Quite Acey

I have been 100% an ace since the beginning.

I have heard about most of the aces being Asexual since the beginning , but are there any aces who felt sexual at the beginning but later turned out to be ace ?

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Destranix
Just now, Quite Acey said:

but are there any aces who felt sexual at the beginning but later turned out to be ace ?

Actually I thought I'd be sexual for the first months of knowing about asexuality. Although I knew I'd not like to have sex even before I knew about asexuality (but talking about it at the same time; Yeah, that's actually funny. Like I talked about it and said I'm not interested in sex but didn't got that I'm asexual).

 

 

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Labyrinth24
15 hours ago, Destranix said:

Actually I thought I'd be sexual for the first months of knowing about asexuality. Although I knew I'd not like to have sex even before I knew about asexuality

^ Ditto,

I didn't know I was asexual for a long time because I misinterpreted asexuality. I had to get a little deeper into the definition and micro labels to realize my asexuality. Besides that I had no idea what sexual attraction was. I actually still don't know how in the world are people sexually attracted to each other 😅.

 

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Purple Red Panda
1 hour ago, Quite Acey said:

but are there any aces who felt sexual at the beginning but later turned out to be ace ?

I basically just assumed I was. I have sexual fantasies, I have a libido and I masturbate and I thought that must mean I'm sexual. It's only as I've gone through life that I realised that I don't have any innate desire for partnered sex, when I was sexually active it always felt weird and not really me and when I stopped having sex I didn't miss it. At one point I basically came to the conclusion that I was probably in some way sexually neutrotic but later when I learned more about asexuality and realised I was ace.

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Destranix
1 minute ago, Labyrinth24 said:

Besides that I had no idea what sexual attraction was. I actually still don't know how in the world are people sexually attracted to each other

I also don't really got that. But I'm checking different feelings I felt if they somehow can be connected with sex. That actually lead me to a definition of sexual attraction as a combination of several other things I felt. Also I got one feeling, which I'm not able to interprete at the moment and which only occures rarely in context, where sexual attraction could appear in other persons. But when I got that one, it's like ther's nothing after that, just that feeling, like I don't got any urge, don't know what to do, mostly am just confused by that feeling which I don't know about what it was although I can hold it for a few minutes.

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Nowhere Girl

It's really not that simple to be either "asexual from beginning" or someone whose orientation changed. There are more variants between these extremes.

I have never been "sexual". If anything, presexual - that's perhaps the best term for childhood sexuality which distinguishes it from asexuality as an orientation. I don't know what my orientation would have been in different circumstances. But chronic illess (allergy and atopic dermatitis) made me develop, yet before puberty, an extreme aversion to nudity and therefore also an aversion to sex. I feel unable to desire sex, I actually consider myself incapable of having sex because I'm too sex-averse to have even the tiniest bit of willingness.

And yet I would never want it to change. I actively prefer being asexual and sex-averse, I'm proud of accepting it instead of torturing myself with attempts to "fit in", I'm proud of being able to reject the poisonous charm of "fitting in" in the first place. I am asexual because the most relevant aspect of final result is indistinguishable from the experience of asexuals who were "born this way": I don't want to have sex with anyone. Invalidating arguments in the vein of "But it isn't real asexuality, because your aversion could be treated" do not apply, because I specifically don't want to be "fixed", don't want to be allosexual or sex-capable. And anyone who is effectively asexual due to an identifiable factor, also has the option of accepting themself as asexual, to decide that there's nothing to "fix" because they have arrived at the variant of their personality they prefer to be.

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Cloudburst

I was interested in women, some physical intimacy and such from the beginning. I never felt like putting my private parts near anyone though. Then came toxic masculinity with friends talking about how many girls they had been with, how to be a real man, how men were supposed to want sex all the time and how a man should want to bang anything with a hole. Then I was in a relationship (with a woman) being told basically the same by her and that something was wrong with me. And I bought into that whole culture and premise, but I didn't actually know about asexuality, only that I wasn't really interested in sex in the way others seemed to be. My next relationship included sex, but very vanilla and even that was very traumatic looking back upon it. I feel my asexuality has been there from the start, and that these traumatic experiences has been a confirmation of my feelings. As I've said elsewhere, I don't mind people talking about sex and having the craziest sex they want with each other, as long as there is consent between them - and as long as I'm not invited!

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Destranix
14 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

And anyone who is effectively asexual due to an identifiable factor, also has the option of accepting themself as asexual, to decide that there's nothing to "fix" because they have arrived at the variant of their personality they prefer to be.

True, mostly fully agree.. Although I'd still somehow differe, as this might play a role in some points. Like e.g. research or when having feelings which one does not fully understand or such. (But of course everyone is free to ignore that or don't care about)

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Been as Ace as can be from the start 😄 Heard the term for the first time some 10 years ago and everything just clicked for me. Before then, I always sensed how different I was but I had no way to express it.

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Well, I kinda started out lesbian-ish.  But then I became more ace and more straight with time, I think.  Although i'm still bi.

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Cowgirl_Kat

I'm pretty sure I've always been asexual. I thought I was straight for a few reasons:

 

A. It was considered the "default."

B. I didn't understand the all the hype about sex and sexual attraction until I was in my late teens (and even then through a "oh that's interesting/somewhat gross" lens like you would with learning a fact about some sort of animal) and just thought everyone was faking or exaggerating it.

C. I've had romantic crushes and didn't realize the difference between romantic & sexual attraction.

D. I'm heteroromatic anyway, so I seemed straight

E. I thought my disinterest in having a sexual relationship was because I was a woman (I just assumed women are not super into sex. I was very wrong🤦), late bloomer, or just odd (during different stages of my life).

F. I misunderstood asexuality. I had heard the term in like middle/High school and thought it was a like plants and stuff. Then I thought it meant the same thing as a gender. Then I had to understand libido vs sexual attraction.

 

There are so many moments growing up and confusions that would have made much more sense if I had the word asexual.

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PenultimateSandwich
18 hours ago, Alex.M said:

Been as Ace as can be from the start 😄 Heard the term for the first time some 10 years ago and everything just clicked for me. Before then, I always sensed how different I was but I had no way to express it.

This is how I felt as well. I was "different" but I didn't know how. I've always been ace from the start too!

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