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Idk if I'm romantic or greyro


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Achillaes

I've been saying I'm demiromantic (or demihomoromantic if you want the long version, the gay part isn't the focus here) for a little bit because as evidence by my dating history, I've never had real deep romantic feelings for anybody who I didn't consider a very best friend. Which has only happened twice. Well actually currently I have a few very very close friends but I'm only romantically attracted to one of them, as in I can see us being a couple and... maybe I even want us to be a couple and don't wanna admit it. 

 

I enjoy romance in fiction, couples in books and TV shows I always love to see and take part in their adventures in love. Sometimes I look at that and think "oh, that seems really nice, I would like to be in love" and then I tend to think "but do I really care that much if I'm single? not really" 

 

So I guess I don't care that I'm single, I have no motivation to seek out or initiate a romantic relationship, but at the same time I do want one. 

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Nowhere Girl

You sound as if you have taken my words... :(

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Dethsdream

I am starting to wonder if a lot of aros feel this way? I haven’t ever experienced romantic attraction (I don’t think, anyway- I was very attached to my best friend in high school but I never wanted to kiss her or anything like that), but there is this part of me that really wants to. I love the idea of romance- like I’d really be happy if I could feel that way about someone. I think it’s great to have someone to be with you and the sense of commitment that comes with romantic relationships... but, yeah never felt that way. 
 

I was in a relationship for 5 years but I never saw that person in a romantic context (or sexual either), although I liked them as a friend so when they told me that if our relationship ended we wouldn’t be friends anymore, I felt manipulated into staying. Anyways, we did all the romantic stuff but it always made me feel uncomfortable. Like I love the idea of romance but in practice it doesn’t appeal to me if that makes sense?

 

I wonder if this has to do with internalized romantic normativity? Like I wouldn’t feel this way if society didn’t heavily emphasize the importance of romantic relationships over all others? Idk. But I don’t want to end up completely alone although it seems like I’m heading in that direction 😅

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I feel something similar. I haven't decided if I'm aromantic or not. Probably I am because I don't know what it means to have a crush on someone. But I like the idea of romance and I enjoy romance in fiction. In reality sometimes I can do romantic stuff but I'm not sure how I feel about it. 

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Achillaes
6 hours ago, Dethsdream said:

I wonder if this has to do with internalized romantic normativity? Like I wouldn’t feel this way if society didn’t heavily emphasize the importance of romantic relationships over all others?

I've wondered about that too. A lot of my friends are in relationships with each other which makes me like one of the few single people in our friend group and I've wondered if maybe that's part of why I want to get into a relationship, just so I don't feel left out. 

 

I don't think I'm fully aromantic because when I am in a relationship I really do like kissing and cuddling and cheesy romantic stuff. But I just don't care for dating and whatnot. I like dating people I've been friends with for a while first. I don't want to date all of my friends of course, just one currently.

 

He and I have been friends for a while now and he's helped me through some shitty situations and after a couple months of playing video games with each other and cracking jokes and having serious late night talks I started being able to see us in a romantic relationship and thinking about kissing him. So I know deep down I want that.

 

So I'm wondering if I am romantic and just don't want to make a move or if I'm greyromantic because I don't care to. Or maybe still just demiromantic because I only started feeling things after we'd been friends for a while?

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Dethsdream
59 minutes ago, Achillaes said:So I'm wondering if I am romantic and just don't want to make a move or if I'm greyromantic because I don't care to. Or maybe still just demiromantic because I only started feeling things after we'd been friends for a while, but is that just normal? 

Hmm, this sounds kind of like demiromanticism to me (although of course I don’t want to label anyone!). Although if you have no desire to take it further than that might be some form of greyromanticism. I also wonder sometimes if demisexuality/romanticism is kind of just another expression of allosexuality/alloromanticism because I hear a lot of people say that they need to build up strong friendships with people first before dating them but idk honestly. As an asexual/aromantic I feel like I have no room to talk on the subject 😂
 

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DarkStormyKnight

Definitely sounds aro-spec to me! I'm gray-romantic and I soooo vibe with the idea that I could have a relationship, but am happy single as well. Being gray-romantic by definition means that you're in between aro and allo, if you choose to id with that I think it fits what you described.

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