What happens when you're elderly?

[Sally]

There's no "typical family."  I am already old, and have two children -- one of whom is disabled and certainly cannot help me, and the other one is not disabled mentally but definitely financially.  My country (USA) does not provide any real system for helping old people who need help.  Assisted living residences/nursing homes either extremely expensive or very poorly-run.  So I'm scared, and just about everyone I now who doesn't have many wealthy children who would be willing to help them is scared also.  There's really no much we can do about it -- any social changes that are possible would take longer than we have to live.  

[Guest]

I realise this is one of the reasons I want to die in my 60s or 70s. I'm terrified of having no one to care for me later in life. It's unpredictable too due to having a chronic illness what I will be like even in my 50s and 60s.

[Ace_Reporter]

I have learned there are no guarantees in life.

You can outlive your spouse by many years, or your spouse can outlive you.

Your children can all find fulfilling careers in other states, or you may retire in Florida.

Or you may have health problems that are so severe that your children, as good as their intentions are, cannot care for you without quitting their jobs.

The only one who can see to your needs, at any stage of life, is you. If you see things going in a bad direction with nobody nearby to care for you, take the initiative to put yourself in a community where the care you need is available.

 

[estherann]

I haven't yet decided between drowning, CO poisoning, or opiates. Possibly some combination. Hopefully I have plenty of time left to figure it out.

[Lilibulero]

 @estherann

Spoiler

I'd go for the opiates, peaceful way to go, not that I'm encouraging anyone, just hypothesising.

 

[Gypsy1315]

On 11/8/2020 at 10:04 AM, Memento1 said:

At some point I disengaged from the idea that blood relatives and romantic partners are the only people that could possibly live with me and/or care to check in on me.  I am putting a lot more time and effort into my friendships now.  I'd love to live with a friend in later life, or at least have multiple friends I see regularly who will visit, check in, and care.  This isn't that unusual, even for sexual/romantic people in older age.

Same for me. I’m divorced (it was amicable, & we still keep in touch), but I have 2 very close friends who are my emergency contacts & POAs. All 3 of us consider each other sister-friends, check on each other, & do whatever we can to help one another. If they become widows someday, I would love to be roommates with them. The three of us also have other mutual friends who check on us.

[Crazy Cat Lady]

I worry - off and on - about this. But, I have friends (though all right around my age so who's to say who will die first?) and I hope that we will be there for each other as we get older (I'm not quite 50 yet). I have a brother, but he's in a different city, so harder to check on each other.

[Lilibulero]

What happens when you're elderly? In this case, I care less about the things that bothered me when I was young.

[Old Maid Librarian]

When I first posted about being alone in old age, I wasn't expecting so many people to be considering suicide as an option.  Not what I intended to make people think about.

 

I've had an "escape plan" since I had my first major depression at 15, but the older I get, the more I can deal with, so it is only something I would consider if I developed an incurable disease that would destroy my mind or my capacity to communicate. At 20, just getting old seems  a lot scarier than it is when you are actually old, so I'd encourage younger people to wait and see if things don't get better as they see more of life.

 

 

 

[Frogster]

It's possible that I'm elderly now. At 68 I'm not sure. I spend a lot of time and energy caring for someone 10 years older. I have no idea who, if anyone will help me if I need it. One choice I make, elderly or not, is to celebrate national booklovers day. That was on Tuesday. A friend who is a retired reference librarian sent me a great picture of a dog reading a book about squirrels. Maybe this is what happens when you are elderly. dunno. I have no idea how to get the picture from an iphone text to this chomebook. Maybe that's an elderly thing. I don't know that either.

[Kit The Kat]

your best chance is to stay as active as you possibly can. Even doing things around the home keeps your mind active. There's several YT video's now of grannies playing video games to keep their minds active..one even made it into the Guinness Book of Records!

 

I have several conditions now but still manage to live independently. I have a mobility scooter to walk my dog so I get out in nature at least once a day, trained him to help me round the house (and the last dog before him) and play video games daily either physical ones as physio (like wii fit that focuses on balance and co-ordination..better balance = less falls) and some days play games that focus more on fine motor,memory or visuo-spatial. ..some days I even do a bit of housework! 😉

[Latestarter]

I’m 61 and don’t consider myself to be old in the slightest. I swim 3 or 4 times a week doing 2k each time and can swim 5k in less than 2 hours. However, like most others in this thread I do have concerns about the future.
 

My mother is now 95 and bed bound.  She has struggled with mobility since she was my age but went downhill quickly when my father died 7 years ago. She now can barely see or hear and her dementia is getting worse. Her wish is to die at home but keeping her there means 5 visits from carers every day and I live too far away to visit very often.  

 

I certainly can’t see my sons doing anything for me when I become unable to care for myself. I’m hoping that the laws on euthanasia change in the UK because at present we insist on making humans suffer when we would ‘put a pet out of its misery’.

 

I know there is the concern that children will try to get rid of their parents prematurely but surely there is some way round this.  I want to control my own life so as to feel secure regarding what my old age will look like.  Why is it always assumed that older people can’t make their own decisions?