I wish I could receive the same amount of validation irl too

[faerie dude]

One of the reasons I personally participate in many ace communities online is the lack of validation from real life, whether that be society in general or lgbt+ communities irl. I feel like although I know who I am and what I want from this life, I'm always going to have crippling self doubt and thoughts about my identity to a needless point, simply because none of the people in my surroundings can understand that and almost always believe that something is wrong with me that needs to be resolved. I guess the worst is having your therapist doubt you (and that's why I am never going to reveal my orientation to another therapist in the future) since they're considered to be a specialist with some sort of social "authority" to the majority of people. Rejecting authority, which is hard since most of us grow up with some form of it in their lives, is a big part of who we are in the end. We might not commit crimes or anything but simply shifting to a direction unknown to the public, is somewhat going against the grain on its own. I can get a relatively small amount of support from my lgbt+ friends, but in the end I have to explain myself to them and the world I belong to, without necessarily being understood.

 

How do you feel about crippling self-doubt because of your daily life irl?

[Finally_Home]

1 hour ago, faerie dude said:

One of the reasons I personally participate in many ace communities online is the lack of validation from real life, whether that be society in general or lgbt+ communities irl. I feel like although I know who I am and what I want from this life, I'm always going to have crippling self doubt and thoughts about my identity to a needless point, simply because none of the people in my surroundings can understand that and almost always believe that something is wrong with me that needs to be resolved. I guess the worst is having your therapist doubt you (and that's why I am never going to reveal my orientation to another therapist in the future) since they're considered to be a specialist with some sort of social "authority" to the majority of people. Rejecting authority, which is hard since most of us grow up with some form of it in their lives, is a big part of who we are in the end. We might not commit crimes or anything but simply shifting to a direction unknown to the public, is somewhat going against the grain on its own. I can get a relatively small amount of support from my lgbt+ friends, but in the end I have to explain myself to them and the world I belong to, without necessarily being understood.

 

How do you feel about crippling self-doubt because of your daily life irl?

My daily life is quiet lonly to be honest am 3 persons in one.
When am alone I can do what ever when ever I want *Cry,stop eating for a day, just be myself and have all my thoughts to my self*
At work am a outward funny and workaholic noone seem to see that am broken as I am
whit my family am one happy person trying to make other feel alot better then I am and just helpful.

Out walking in the city am terryfied that I would get hurt, laught at and rejected from people that don't even know me.

I have'nt come out to my family yet and I don't know if I want to either

[ss090]

1 hour ago, faerie dude said:

How do you feel about crippling self-doubt because of your daily life irl?

I feel the same. I wish asexuality was as recognised irl as it is online. There are many comments from people irl and online that hurt me and i easily doubt myself. I'm stuck between wanting to write I'm ace on my forehead and trying to keep it for myself as much as possible. It's tiring.

 

1 hour ago, faerie dude said:

I guess the worst is having your therapist doubt you (and that's why I am never going to reveal my orientation to another therapist in the future)

I saw many people talk about their experience with therapists and it's usually bad, but my therapist is gay and yesterday I saw he 'liked' a post about asexuality on a lgbt page. It gave me courage to consider talking to him about that because I wanted to do it for the longest time, but I'm teriffied I'll end up hurt just when I started feeling comfortable with him. 

[Guest]

Don't take this question the wrong way, but why do you need validation? If you live in an actively LGBT-phobic country or in an otherwise unpleasant situation for someone who isn't cishet, I get it, but if your issue is just that other people aren't constantly telling you that your identity is "valid" in real life I think that comes down to self-esteem issues more than it comes down to being LGBT.

[faerie dude]

4 hours ago, ss090 said:

I feel the same. I wish asexuality was as recognised irl as it is online. There are many comments from people irl and online that hurt me and i easily doubt myself. I'm stuck between wanting to write I'm ace on my forehead and trying to keep it for myself as much as possible. It's tiring.

 

I saw many people talk about their experience with therapists and it's usually bad, but my therapist is gay and yesterday I saw he 'liked' a post about asexuality on a lgbt page. It gave me courage to consider talking to him about that because I wanted to do it for the longest time, but I'm teriffied I'll end up hurt just when I started feeling comfortable with him. 

It is, I mean I don't want to come out to everyone or anything, I just don't want conservative standards to get pushed on me and feel a bit more care-free when I talk and express myself out there.

It's good you found this kind of a therapist! If you feel unsure about it maybe wait a bit longer and see if he reacts to something in addition, but I think that you're on a good a path about talking to him about asexuality.

[faerie dude]

1 hour ago, `Silver said:

Don't take this question the wrong way, but why do you need validation? If you live in an actively LGBT-phobic country or in an otherwise unpleasant situation for someone who isn't cishet, I get it, but if your issue is just that other people aren't constantly telling you that your identity is "valid" in real life I think that comes down to self-esteem issues more than it comes down to being LGBT.

While I do have self-esteem issues for sure, I also live in a lgbt-phobic country. It's pretty backwards here in general. Most of the time a person won't receive attacks in major cities, but it's still kind of dangerous to be a part of the lgbt+ community and be open about it here. I don't mean it as in receive validation from people continuously, it's more like people's experiences are so cis-hetero that there is no room for understanding in case a discussion about asexuality (or any other orientation really) emerges. As in openness for listening and learning, instead of directly doubting and rejecting.

[Guest]

16 hours ago, faerie dude said:

While I do have self-esteem issues for sure, I also live in a lgbt-phobic country. It's pretty backwards here in general. Most of the time a person won't receive attacks in major cities, but it's still kind of dangerous to be a part of the lgbt+ community and be open about it here. I don't mean it as in receive validation from people continuously, it's more like people's experiences are so cis-hetero that there is no room for understanding in case a discussion about asexuality (or any other orientation really) emerges. As in openness for listening and learning, instead of directly doubting and rejecting.

I can understand that. Are you in a position to move elsewhere at some point? Systemic changes such as those that improve LGBT+ acceptance and visibility don't generally take place overnight, so if your concern is for your long-term safety and capability to just "be yourself" among others in real life, that's likely your best option.

[faerie dude]

On 5/15/2021 at 1:48 PM, `Silver said:

I can understand that. Are you in a position to move elsewhere at some point? Systemic changes such as those that improve LGBT+ acceptance and visibility don't generally take place overnight, so if your concern is for your long-term safety and capability to just "be yourself" among others in real life, that's likely your best option.

I'm thinking about moving to another country in the future, however for now it wouldn't be an absolute necessity I suppose. I tend to be very careful when picking social circles.