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When u found out that u are an asexual, who did u tell first?


rrahibe

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I’ll go first.

when i found out i was out of town with my friends. So that day i came to the house. We get dressed and we went out for go to the cafe or something and i told all that i am asexual. We were like 5 people and all my friends supported me. Lucky me huh

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GingerRose

I told my girlfriend at the time that I was starting to question it.

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I told a friend I was sharing with at the time and the first thing she said was, after she stopped laughing "no you're not". 😄 I didn't tell anyone for a while after and she's not my friend anymore in the meantime. I didn't mind/care though. I know who I am.

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7 minutes ago, Acing It said:

I told a friend I was sharing with at the time and the first thing she said was, after she stopped laughing "no you're not". 😄 I didn't tell anyone for a while after and she's not my friend anymore in the meantime. I didn't mind/care though. I know who I am.

Oh man i can understand this one. Because same thing happened to me tho... One of my friends told me after this that im confused😂 ??? Like yea bro im confused but its not about to my asexuality its about to our friendship 🤣

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I didn’t really “tell” anyone; I didn’t see the need, it just seemed to fit. However, my mom has been aware for quite some time that I’ve been here, and one time mentioned rather enthusiastically that she read that The Professor from Gilligan’s Island (1964) was likely Ace. I haven’t seen much of it but it’s one of her favourite shows, and if he never showed interest in plowing Mary Ann or Ginger I’d say the information is accurate.

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4 minutes ago, Autumn Twilight said:

I didn’t really “tell” anyone; I didn’t see the need, it just seemed to fit. However, my mom has been aware for quite some time that I’ve been here, and one time mentioned rather enthusiastically that she read that The Professor from Gilligan’s Island (1964) was likely Ace. I haven’t seen much of it but it’s one of her favourite shows, and if he never showed interest in plowing Mary Ann or Ginger I’d say the information is accurate.

Mother’s have strong feelings i can say that

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Rhyn Corinn

Technically the first person I told was this awesome user: @Zephyr Fyrian but... that's because they're the one who told me about asexuality in the first place. So other than that the first person I told was my dad, and then my mom shortly after that.

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WriteOfPassage

I told my best friend. I was still questioning at the time, though later I sent her a text saying "Yup aroace"

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Well, technically the first person for me was one of my friends I knew was also asexual. I first talked to him about how he experiences this.
And then I told the guy we were almost dating because I wanted to explain why it didn’t work out between the two of us.

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SoulSolitude

I've never told anyone - other than the people on this site.  I know my family assumes I'm gay - they said that to my face.  I also have good friends who assume I am gay, but haven't confronted me about it.  Of the very few people I have been intimate with -  I know one realizes I am asexual, the others I think were just confused...

 

I have never "come out" as asexual.  Is that actually a thing asexuals do?

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32 minutes ago, SoulSolitude said:

I've never told anyone - other than the people on this site.  I know my family assumes I'm gay - they said that to my face.  I also have good friends who assume I am gay, but haven't confronted me about it.  Of the very few people I have been intimate with -  I know one realizes I am asexual, the others I think were just confused...

 

I have never "come out" as asexual.  Is that actually a thing asexuals do?

i think it is. In my life, nobody knows but some  of my friends.. no need for the more people 

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SoulSolitude

Yeah, I present as a heterosexual male.  Do I feel comfortable with that?  Never, but it's what I was conditioned to be from birth.  As I see it, there really is no point in coming out to people unless its someone who might be romantically interested in you... 

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6 minutes ago, SoulSolitude said:

Yeah, I present as a heterosexual male.  Do I feel comfortable with that?  Never, but it's what I was conditioned to be from birth.  As I see it, there really is no point in coming out to people unless its someone who might be romantically interested in you... 

Exactly. Periodtt

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19 hours ago, rrahibe said:

Oh man i can understand this one. Because same thing happened to me tho... One of my friends told me after this that im confused😂 ??? Like yea bro im confused but its not about to my asexuality its about to our friendship 🤣

That's a great way of looking at it 😄

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've never felt any need to tell anyone. Maybe you could argue that it is something very central about me and I should tell those close to me, or they don't fully know me, but it is also, looking at it in another way, almost completely unimportant to me. For me, sex is just not important, despite the world's apparent obsession with it, so not telling people is no more important than not telling them that I don't like the colour pink.

 

Maybe it would help other people who are struggling with maybe being asexual, and I might well be open about my feelings if I came across such a person, but to date, I haven't.

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EmeraldIce

I've "discussed the possibility" with my husband and my mom, as I'm still sort of confused myself. My mom flat out thinks it's just because my hypothyroidism has led to low libido. You know, never mind the fact that my feelings were there from well before my hypothyroidism started, and the fact that I'm on medications that have restored my thyroid hormone levels to normal. And even if she believes me, she still doesn't think it's normal. It's sort of annoying.

 

My husband's reaction is more like "It sounds like you're still figuring it out and I don't really want to think too much about it right now." He's not wrong. I'm still figuring it out, and to me at least, I don't see why anything needs to change in our relationship just because of this. I'm not sex-averse so I can still have it, and I like cuddling and touching even though it doesn't turn me on.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Soon2BRecycled

In the beginning I thought I was Pansexual, because I saw all people as someone I could potentially be with in theory, all the crushes I've ever had felt not sexual ( my friends would describe it as pure, but I don't like that wording)...but after a while, after my first boyfriend in college I realized that something felt off. College felt like the time and place where people go out and ask ppl out, but I never really felt like asking people out and just said yes to those that asked me because new experience? I never really felt like or initiated sex and he broke up with me. Fast-forward to second relationship, 2 years later, this person I felt somewhat more comfortable with, I knew him, we had been friends I suppose. At this time I had somehow come across the term Asexuality and I told him at the beginning that I thought I was that, I found out when we broke up, because of sex again and my unwillingness to initiate, that he didn't quite believe me, he thought it was something that would pass (after we had sex? Well it didn't). I've been thinking about the term ever since then and speaking to a close friend about it for a while, and she was probably the first person I told with a more concrete feeling that it was something that fit my experience. Maybe this was too much info, but I wanted to share. 

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First thing I did was find this place

 

The first people I told were the folks (when I was in a bad place, mentally), and I've told one other friend a while later, and he actually didn't care much (in a good way)

 

Otherwise, I keep it to myself. People think I'm dead straight hetero and that I'm an avid masturbator. People think a lot of things

They actually know very little ;)

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I don’t plan to tell anyone. 
I don’t wanna hear about anyone else’s sex lives so I’m just not going to open that door. 

“Bathing suit areas” are not a proper topic of discussion for me. I don’t think it would be even if I wasn’t asexual. 
I am the way I am, no meddling wanted. 

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Who did I tell 1st? After my best friend jonc, the people on this site. A few other people have been told on the net. In real life, I recently told a friend, and she was neutral, not really responding in any way. :blink: 

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