Question on the Boundaries of Kissing and Aromanticism

[A. Sterling]

So, I've seen a lot of debate on this in the past, but I come back to the question once again. I'm not particularly interested in kissing and suspect, though I've yet to try it, that I will distinctly dislike it. Does this alone make me aro-spec? Do most romantic aces like kissing or cuddling and would disliked one or both of those thing make me aro?

 

I generally have a suspicion that I am somehow aro-spec but I also really don't want to be alone forever, and I would like to marry someone and live with someone for practical purposes (like having someone to care for you when you're sick, sharing chores, cooking together, watching movies, playing games, and for financial security). I imagine that I would like that person to be special to me, but I don't know if that makes me romantic or not. I don't really care about gender in regards to a significant other but I couldn't say that all I want if "just a good friend" because good friends in US culture at least don't tend to buy houses together, be each other's emergency contact, share finances, maybe raise kids together? I don't know where that leaves me. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hi. From what I've seen around, it's pretty diverse. Some asexuals who aren't aro don't like to kiss much, maybe because they associate it with sexuality, or because they're a bit averse to certain sensual acts. But in general if someone is romantic and sensual at least a little, then kisses are fine. I love them, but not 'making out' or things like that. Kisses are intimate ways of sharing affection.

 

I don't think by itself it's enough to know if someone is aro. It really depends what it means to someone, imo.

[Journee_Stars]

I'm  just gonna refer to myself when I talk about this.

 

I personally identify as greyromantic, which is on the aro spectrum, but I still have experience with the stuff you talked about in your post. The aro spectrum, or more specifically, aromantic just refers to no attraction to romanticism, not really anything else like platonic attraction or sensual attraction and other stuff like that. There are also still some aromantic individuals who marry for other reasons besides romance, so in your case, you might fir into the aro spectrum.

 

Sorry if I'm rambling, I'm currently focused on other things at the moment I was writing this.

[krusk]

Hello, Heteroromantic ace here.

 

I personally don't like kissing, but I like cuddling. Kissing just seems weird to me, and I think it is definitely more of a sensual act than a romantic one. I am generally opposed to most physical contact except from those who I am really close with, and with those who I am close with I find it highly enjoyable. But kissing has never seemed appealing to me. 

[Snao Cone]

I like making out sometimes and I'm aromantic. Or am I not aromantic because of this? If I kiss a person, does that mean I'm in love? 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

2 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I like making out sometimes and I'm aromantic. Or am I not aromantic because of this? If I kiss a person, does that mean I'm in love? 

You could just like the way it feels.

[Snao Cone]

Just now, Sarah-Sylvia said:

You could just like the way it feels.

I do (though I get bored of it easily) and it's also possible for people to not like it but still feel romantic love and a desire to be with a committed partner (or multiple ones). People can question why they don't like kissing, and perhaps they'll realize that they don't actually feel romantic motivation to be close to people, but that is just a step towards that realization, rather than not liking kissing being fundamentally aromantic. (I know I'm preaching to the choir here with this aimless stream of consciousness. )

[TormentDubz]

32 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

I like making out sometimes and I'm aromantic. Or am I not aromantic because of this? If I kiss a person, does that mean I'm in love? 

Platonic kissing is possible

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations

 

Janus DarkFox

Current Policy Administrator, Covering Tea and Sympathy/(h)AVEN, Asexual Musings and Rantings

[Snao Cone]

1 hour ago, TormentDubz said:

Platonic kissing is possible

Or even kissing random people. I guess that would be sensual kissing. Asexual and aromantic yet sensual.

[SleuthArt]

deleted

[A. Sterling]

11 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Hi. From what I've seen around, it's pretty diverse. Some asexuals who aren't aro don't like to kiss much, maybe because they associate it with sexuality, or because they're a bit averse to certain sensual acts. But in general if someone is romantic and sensual at least a little, then kisses are fine. I love them, but not 'making out' or things like that. Kisses are intimate ways of sharing affection.

 

I don't think by itself it's enough to know if someone is aro. It really depends what it means to someone, imo.

This was/is my original assumption but in such a case I'm just not sure how to measure or quantify romantic attraction or know if I have it or not. And I don't know how to justify to *people* (mainly potential significant others) that I may or may not have romantic attraction but I just don't like kissing, hand holding, or apparently any way that people claim to express romantic attraction to one another. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

10 minutes ago, A. Sterling said:

This was/is my original assumption but in such a case I'm just not sure how to measure or quantify romantic attraction or know if I have it or not. And I don't know how to justify to *people* (mainly potential significant others) that I may or may not have romantic attraction but I just don't like kissing, hand holding, or apparently any way that people claim to express romantic attraction to one another. 

I understand, but I think even labels aren't enough to really explain to someone how we are, especially if they haven't heard of them. It can be worth talking about those individual things, sharing what you're about and things you're less or not into. At some point if you feel it's relevant. If you're not into hand holding either, then maybe you're not a sensual person. There is romance without the sensual parts, where you could like to feel very close and intimate with someone emotionally. And like to do loving things for your partner, and share great moments just the two of you and grow closer in those ways. With someone you like a lot, obviously.
If those things don't ring a bell, then maybe talking about being on the aro spectrum is enough. Already, being aromantic means quite a lot, and relationships would be more platonic in general (unless being grayromantic or something). Demi-romantic would be for if after you bond with someone for a long time and like them, that you start feeling romantic towards the. (mentioning because I saw youre questioning being demi or not)

Anyway, just to share more thoughts around that