spencexists Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 Does anyone else have a deep hatred for 99% of cishet romance novels (the fault in our stars being one of the only exclusions) but then gay romance books that don't overdramatize gay people are fucking amazing? No? Just me overcompensating for being lonely with homophobic parents? K Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 'A deep hatred' doesn't sound very healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
weird elf Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 It's more like the outdated expectatoins and normativity that make me uncomfortable. That plus I don't feel represented at all. Gay romance doesn't necessarily feel amazing to read, it's more like ... an inner sigh of relief? Like, the characters in question are allowed to live their life and do their thang in a way I wish was possible for everyone. (sorry if that made no sense, elf can't word today.) Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I don't really read romance novels - I read more non-fiction than fiction and when it comes to fictional prose, I haven't read a romance novel in many years. I simply prefer different and more sophisticated literature. But I have a similar reaction when it comes to movies. I hate straight "romcoms" - and it's not just my dislike of heteronormativity, I hate the "romantic comedy" genre in general. It's just incredibly boring, annoying and "unrelatable" to me. But I'm very much willing to make an exception for queer "romcoms" because I just enjoy LGBT+ cinema. Spoiler I also used to feel something similar when I had a libido: I would enjoy fantasies about gay or lesbian sex, but not about straight sex. I want to make one thing clear: when it comes to a possibility of personally having sex, I'm averse to all sex, with any person of any gender; I'm not ashamed to say that I consider myself psychologically incapable of having sex. But despite this... I could say that even though I'm fully unwilling to have sex with anyone, I'm still more averse to straight sex than to lesbian sex. And gay sex is a very particular case because it's just not an option for obvious reasons. I would never have sex with anyone, but still both lesbian sex and straight sex are "possible" in the sense of not being physically impossible* - however, I couldn't have gay sex for the simple reason that I'm not a man. *Although, even this may not be true: it's pretty much possible that I would be physically incapable of PIV even if for some inconceivable reason I agreed to try. 🤮 I see nothing wrong about having an increased aversion to straight romance and/or sexual content. Heteronormativity is everywhere, under existing social, political and cultural conditions it's inseparably tied to sex normativity and amatonormativity: when we encounter sociocultural expectations of entering romatic and sex-including relationships, this expectation almost invariably is heteronormative at least in its external form. Asexuals, gays and lesbians (and, to an extent, also trans people) all share the experience of having it hard to relate to such content. Under such conditions it's simply easy to feel tired of heteronormative romance. Not all people agree about whether asexuality alone counts as queer - I believe that it does and I feel a connection with LGBT people, but some asexual people don't. But I would still hypothesise that it's easier for us to relate to queer romance in media because we share the basic feeling of our experience being not that which is expected from us. Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 Welp, I guess we're all entitled to our aversions as long as they don't lead to treating anyone poorly. 'Deep hatred' is, as I said, pretty intense, but if things remind you of your own struggles or issues or whatever, then there's nothing wrong with having emotions about it and engaging only with things that don't make you uncomfortable or upset. I'm bisexual and fully supportive of all LGBTQ+ folks, but I don't like hearing about same-sex female relationships in books, films, TV, podcasts, etc. anymore and avoid reading/watching/listening to such things. Too much personal baggage... too many bad memories and associations. So I just choose stuff depicting heterosexual relationships (not usually obnoxiously traditional ones, though). Depictions of gay male relationships are fine too, albeit obviously not highly relatable since I'm not a gay dude. Maybe my aversion will fade in time, but for now I've zero interest in anything regarding romantic/sexual relationships between women. If your problems with cishet romance lead to a mindset of 'ew, straight cis people', in regards to how you think of and treat real human beings, really not cool. Just as it wouldn't be ok if I thought 'ew, lesbians' and behaved cruelly to people as a result. Link to post Share on other sites
Oberon Jasper Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 Personally I prefer lgbtq+ relationships, but I have no beef with cishet ones. I just feel a lot of the tropes are overdone and get boring (unless I'm signing up for a predictable cheesy romcom). I also can relate easier to non cishet stories because trans gay (adjacent) man... but I have to be careful because parents and there's not a lot of lgbtq+ media out there. I mainly stick to fanfics for lgbtq+ relations to be honest. Again, I'm just really indifferent. If it's interesting I'll read it. Link to post Share on other sites
A User Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 4 hours ago, Ally123 said: Does anyone else have a deep hatred for 99% of cishet romance novels Not really, you could call me a die-hard romantic I have read a lot of cishet romances because those are the only ones commonly found in books. If anything, the most lgtbq+ relationships I've seen were on tv shows (and that makes for juicier plot lines and cute moments) 4 hours ago, Ally123 said: but then gay romance books that don't overdramatize gay people are fucking amazing? I think so. Not that I've read one of those cuz ✨my wonderful parents✨ wouldn't let me try to order one. If a gay romance is out of the ordinary, then let's go baby. I have a slight preferation for lgtbq+ relationships because they're more "exotic" and I like watching them grow and stuff. I don't mind cishet stuff, but I'd nowadays lean in for all the gay rather than all the straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I have an aversion to a lot of the shitty tropes in cishet romance stories. You know, the power imbalances, the possessiveness, the jealousy, the manipulation, the lying, the cheating, the utter lack of communication leading to the nth completely avoidable misunderstanding, the useless damsel in distress, the 'I love you because you're like really hot' and then the characters have nothing else in common, the 'I literally can't live without you, like if you leave me I'll die,' the not taking no for an answer, that kind of shit. I've just seen so much of it already that I'm really done with it. Even in songs, if the lyrics are too over the top with their 'you belong to me' mentality, I just can't deal with it. Out. Bye. LGBT+ stories often use similar tropes, and in those cases, I roll my eyes just as hard, but I do see a trend in LGBT+ stories in which they examine and subvert those tropes. I guess it's because if you're LGBT+ you're outside of what is normative by default, so looking at what passes for normal with a new lens comes more naturally. Also the best friends to lovers trope is my jam, and the coming out angst and overcoming shit together, uhm yep I'll take that. And being gay is a secret that is actually a secret for a reason. It's not just the frustrating 'Gah if they just communicated for once everything would be instantly fixed' that tends to drag hetero stories out. One thing I really fucking hate about a lot of LGBT+ stories is how common sad endings are, especially s*icide. We've had enough of that. We don't need more misery porn telling us that queer people never get their happy ending. The LGBTs are sad and depressed enough as it is. Give us some hope. I want to hear that things can turn out okay for us. I guess I just want healthy romances. If they're gay then that's a plus, but I will absolutely take straight ones, few and far between as they are. Callum and Rayla in the dragon prince are really sweet together just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
weird elf Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 7 minutes ago, Rynn said: I have an aversion to a lot of the shitty tropes in cishet romance stories. You know, the power imbalances, the possessiveness, the jealousy, the manipulation, the lying, the cheating, the utter lack of communication leading to the nth completely avoidable misunderstanding, the useless damsel in distress, the 'I love you because you're like really hot' and then the characters have nothing else in common, the 'I literally can't live without you, like if you leave me I'll die,' the not taking no for an answer, that kind of shit. I've just seen so much of it already that I'm really done with it. Even in songs, if the lyrics are too over the top with their 'you belong to me' mentality, I just can't deal with it. Out. Bye. LGBT+ stories often use similar tropes, and in those cases, I roll my eyes just as hard, but I do see a trend in LGBT+ stories in which they examine and subvert those tropes. I guess it's because if you're LGBT+ you're outside of what is normative by default, so looking at what passes for normal with a new lens comes more naturally. Also the best friends to lovers trope is my jam, and the coming out angst and overcoming shit together, uhm yep I'll take that. And being gay is a secret that is actually a secret for a reason. It's not just the frustrating 'Gah if they just communicated for once everything would be instantly fixed' that tends to drag hetero stories out. One thing I really fucking hate about a lot of LGBT+ stories is how common sad endings are, especially s*icide. We've had enough of that. We don't need more misery porn telling us that queer people never get their happy ending. The LGBTs are sad and depressed enough as it is. Give us some hope. I want to hear that things can turn out okay for us. I guess I just want healthy romances. If they're gay then that's a plus, but I will absolutely take straight ones, few and far between as they are. Callum and Rayla in the dragon prince are really sweet together just saying. All of this. So, so much. (So are Amaya and what's-her-horns, that sunfire elf lady ...) Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 Just now, weird elf said: So are Amaya and what's-her-horns, that sunfire elf lady Yaaaap. Me and my sister shipped them from literally the first moment they appeared on screen together. Her name is Janai Link to post Share on other sites
weird elf Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 3 minutes ago, Rynn said: Yaaaap. Me and my sister shipped them from literally the first moment they appeared on screen together. Her name is Janai Thanks! I had forgotten. I binge-watched Dragon Prince with my goddaughter last summer, it's been a while 😆 Link to post Share on other sites
Yuki_801 Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 4 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said: , I hate the "romantic comedy" genre in general. It's just incredibly boring, annoying and "unrelatable" to me. But I'm very much willing to make an exception for queer "romcoms" because I just enjoy LGBT+ cinema. When you talk about you it's like you're talking about me! I always identify myself! I agree with what you said! And well… I really can't stand romantic comedies either, and I don't understand their grace … ~~ I was averse to romance when I was a little girl, but when I started to consume anime / manga, I started reading fanfics of anime character. And just like that I was able to read Romance, if people were 2D characters… Shortly thereafter, I got to know the Boys Love genre and fell in love with the concept that love could cross the genre's inflexible barrier. Where the male protagonist didn't like you just because you were a girl (it always disturbed me, in real life: when a boy asked you to date, so fast, how far was love and how far was just convenience?) The soulmate thing seemed more real. There was a big obstacle to be overcome in the name of "love" (Of course it doesn't correspond to reality in the real world. But I was a teenager at the time) I thought "wow, this is love" hahaha [Such things also led me to nurture certain misconceptions of love, but only in my mind / opinions, which were resolved with the conscience of adulthood.] Since then, keeping up with gay, lgbtq+, BL romances has become something of a hobby. I like the fact that I don't need to identify with a female protagonist, and to be able to see the story from the outside, for exemplo. These things ... Lesbian is also not a problem, I like too, but I end up consuming more boyxboy 🤔… Straight romance will always be the genre I will least like or prioritize. A while ago I was reading some YA books where the themes were fantasy and the couples were straight, I didn't think it was bad ... But when it comes to straight romances I prefer them to be idealized and pure, something like "pride and prejudice", I don't care to watch or read … And yeah... Often gay romances have the same tropes as straight romances, as mentioned above, but I really don't care. As long as it is rational. (Because I'm already an adult and I can't ignore the lack of logic). XD I tears hard reading the little prince. I love books, regardless of the couple's gender, about deep Platonic loves, friendship, brotherhood, all in a non-sexualized way. This things... But I like to read things psychological, dramas, historical… And I am in favor of the sad endings, of course I love happy endings but a good sad ending always leaves me with a wonderful feeling. I know that everyone talks about "the fault in our stars". I never saw anything besides the trailer, but just hearing the name makes me nauseous. Hahaha For some reason. It's not something I would like to see, I usually judge books by the cover, so it may just be an unfair prejudice. Only recently did i discover books that deal with asexuality or have asexual characters, and i was excited to read... (even if it’s not the kind of book I usually read). In the Brazilian forum (where I come from), I realized that many asexuals also preferred LGBTQ+ romances... ~ 4 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said: But I would still hypothesise that it's easier for us to relate to queer romance in media because we share the basic feeling of our experience being not that which is expected from us. Oh! This is perfect and I completely agree, I feel that way! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee_Stars Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I wouldn't say I have a "deep hatred" for so called "normal" romance novels and books, but I will admit that they do seem to always follow the same cliche over and over along with making the storyline over-dramatic compared to LGBTQ+ novels which tend to follow more realistic guidelines. I'd definitely say LGBTQ+ novels and books are better than "normal" novels and books. Link to post Share on other sites
spencexists Posted May 13, 2021 Author Share Posted May 13, 2021 7 hours ago, Ceebs. said: 'A deep hatred' doesn't sound very healthy. I agree but I'm not healthy so idk what anyone else expected lol Link to post Share on other sites
nutterwithasolderingiron Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 maybe not a deep hatred but i do tend to like the lgbtqia romance stories more. i mean i loved adachi and shimamura when really, it was just a cute romance story but gay. Link to post Share on other sites
godace Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 the angst, pining and steaming that often go with queer """forbidden""" fictions might just have that effect on people Link to post Share on other sites
Blue eyes white dragon Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I'm not found of romance stories in general (there are exceptions though). I much prefer stories that have romance sprinkled in. I don't care what type of relationships are depicted as long as they are healthy (unless a bad relationship has a purpose for development and growth), mostly realistic, and well written. Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 4 minutes ago, Blue Eyes White Dragon said: I'm not found of romance stories in general (there are exceptions though). I much prefer stories that have romance sprinkled in. Exactly that, yeah. Like you say, there are exceptions, but too much of romance being the main plot gets boring to me. If I'm in a healthy and loving relationship and there's something relatable about the storylines, I'll have more interest, but I've never been one of those people who's just a massive sucker for love stories in general. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I don't read romance novels. I don't mind romance in books (or movies or other media), and don't care if it's cishet or lgbtq or whatever, as long as it's part of the plot and is healthy and loving and not forced. I am also not fond of shipping, or of people trying to force relationships in fiction or trying to turn something like a strong friendship into a romantic and/or sexual relationship, for example. I feel like that can play down friendships and reinforce the idea that other types of relationships are more important. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I don't have a "deep hatred" for cishet romance novels; they just feel a bit boring, for me, since it's something I've already seen and read thousands of times, while growing up. ...but, yes, LGBT+ romance novels feel more refreshing, for me, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I like and dislike both. I got tired of the how girls were in hetero stories and then I somehow landed on some gay stories and got hooked. Weirdly related more to the male than the female but then again oh well. Weird thing is I like gay werewolves stories and vampire hetero stoires lol. Both have their ups and downs. I am a die hard romantic so I love cliches and things as well as much as I hate some. Link to post Share on other sites
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