I think I might be on the ace spectrum?

[mostlyconfused]

This might get a little longer but please bear with me.

I’m 19 and I think I might be on the ace spectrum somewhere. I’ve had that thought before, a few years back, but dismissed it when I discovered I was trans and chalked it up to just not being comfortable with myself.

The thing is, I don’t think I experience sexual attraction. (Maybe I  don’t have the right definition?) I’ve never looked at someone and wanted to be intimate with them. Or even see them naked. There’s people I think are attractive, some even incredibly so. In a “god, how are they so beautiful?!” kind of way.

For example, there’s this one actor I really like. Looking at pictures of him is making me feel things that I don’t have words for. The ones I’d use if I had to would probably be “shit, I just love him so much”. Except that there’s nothing sexual or romantic about it. I don’t even want to befriend him or something, I’m just glad he exists.

As for people I actually know, I don’t think I’ve felt sexually attracted to anyone either. There were a few people I had a “crush” on (very few) but I’m not even sure anymore what I exactly I wanted from them. Certainly not sex. I think I just wanted to spend time with them.

They were all male, and I’m a trans guy (I didn’t know that back then) but I might have just wanted to be a little like them.

Then there were some people I started to be interested in because they were interested in me. In chats, most of them tried to steer the conversation into a more sexual direction and while that didn’t make me uncomfortable that wasn’t the kind of conversation I wanted to have. And since most of them were only after sex they soon lost interest.

It’s not like I have a low libido or something it’s just not connected to anyone.

I’ve kissed only two people so far. And it felt kinda nice but I wouldn’t have initiated it myself.

I think it might be the same way with sex. I’m not repulsed by the idea of sex. I’m pretty sure it would feel nice and I might have sex at some point but I sure as hell won’t be the one initiating it. I just don’t feel that way.

I read stories that involve sex and even seek them out on purpose.  It makes me feel… well, something. I don’t really know. There’s just something about it that gets to me, certain aspects of that kind of intimacy, like trust, a deep connection or surrendering yourself completely to your partner.  But I enjoy it as something between the characters I’m reading about, I don’t want to have any part in that.

I don’t know if any of that would be different if I was in a relationship. That’s what I was wondering. Even if I’ve never really been in love before, I should have experienced sexual attraction at some point if I was allosexual, right? Is the absence of that enough to put me on the ace spectrum?

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Yes it sounds like you definitely could be
Things could change in some ways with time and relationships, but as far as being on the asexual spectrum , it does fit.

Someone can have deep intimacy without it having to be sexual. Including can be physically close without the sex part.

Also, welcome to the site 🍰

[PrimeJelly]

You sound 100% asexual to me. 

Your experiences are very common amongst the asexual community.

Finding other people incredibly attractive (without feeling romantic/sexual feelings) is called aesthetic attraction.

 

Also it's nice to meet another fellow transman here on this forum!!  Welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay here!! This community feels like a family/diary to me. Everyone is so supportive and even if we have a disagreement, it never becomes toxic. People here are always giving out such good advice, non judgmental, and are super understanding. I really appreciate it.

[Karst]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Obviously, I can't just magically scan your mind and hand you the labels you need to describe yourself, but all of the experiences you're describing sound pretty ace to me.

[mostlyconfused]

21 hours ago, PrimeJelly said:

You sound 100% asexual to me. 

Your experiences are very common amongst the asexual community.

Finding other people incredibly attractive (without feeling romantic/sexual feelings) is called aesthetic attraction.

 

Also it's nice to meet another fellow transman here on this forum!!  Welcome and I hope you enjoy your stay here!! This community feels like a family/diary to me. Everyone is so supportive and even if we have a disagreement, it never becomes toxic. People here are always giving out such good advice, non judgmental, and are super understanding. I really appreciate it.

Ah, yes, I've heard of aesthetic attraction before. I was wondering if that is what I am experiencing - I guess I do 😄

Thank you for replying!

 

And I can definitely see this becoming some sort of diary or family for me too. I've read through some threads and the people on here seem to be very kind. There's also still lots of stuff I gotta figure out so I'll definitely be in need of some more advice. It's great that you feel comfortable here!

[mostlyconfused]

20 hours ago, Karst said:

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Obviously, I can't just magically scan your mind and hand you the labels you need to describe yourself, but all of the experiences you're describing sound pretty ace to me.

Thank you!

 

I know that that's something I gotta figure out by myself. But it's helpful to hear that what I'm feeling is an ace experience of sorts and I'm not completely out in left field here.

[mostlyconfused]

21 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Yes it sounds like you definitely could be
Things could change in some ways with time and relationships, but as far as being on the asexual spectrum , it does fit.

Someone can have deep intimacy without it having to be sexual. Including can be physically close without the sex part.

Also, welcome to the site 🍰

Time will tell 😄  I don't necessarily crave a relationship, but yes, I know that you absolutely don't need sex to be close to someone.

 

Thank you for taking the time to answer and also for welcoming me! I think I'm gonna fit right in here