Coming Out

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[CrocodileTears]

😶

[GingerRose]

1 hour ago, Mina.Mina123 said:

I apologize I'm not quite sure what you meant here: "Our communities have created a way for people to "free" themselves and their orientation and within that a way to hurt themselves." so I cannot really answer to that.

The LGBT+ community as well as Ace community seems to have taken over the term of "coming out". A push for LGBT+ and ace people to not hide their secret of their identity from everyone anymore. (to be free) It's become such a fad that people feel that they need to come out now or eventually. This puts them in situations they are not ready for, danger, and the ability to then be "outed". ( a way to be hurt)

[GingerRose]

Just now learning that it's also a National Holiday in the States... WOW

https://time.com/4975404/national-coming-out-day-closet-metaphor-history/

[Lord Jade Cross]

On 5/10/2021 at 1:53 PM, capytton said:

 

[Twy]

13 minutes ago, GingerRose said:

The LGBT+ community as well as Ace community seems to have taken over the term of "coming out". A push for LGBT+ and ace people to not hide their secret of their identity from everyone anymore. (to be free) It's become such a fad that people feel that they need to come out now or eventually. This puts them in situations they are not ready for, danger, and the ability to then be "outed". ( a way to be hurt)

Nobody should feel pushed or forced to come out ever.

 

I don't know where are you from, but the lgtb/ace communities at home work to make visibility about the struggles of the community and to help people who need, and they do a lot of work about teaching the new generations... But the activists (the ones facing the public) are the ones that want to. They don't out other people or anything like this, and they don't force others to come out.

 

If you had experiences like this, I am sorry

 

[LeChat]

Some LGBT+ people are gender non-conforming, which some in society automatically think equates to a non-hetero sexual orientation. So, it's not as though gender non-conforming are purposely trying to out themselves as LGBT+: it's a part of who they are, as a person. It's not their fault for being bullied by others; other people are the ones who need to stop bullying or harassing others who are different, learn to respect gender non-conforming, LGBT+ people, etc.

 

Sometimes, even if they try to be or act gender conforming, they can still be bullied, harassed, etc. because others might be able to tell that something's off or different about them (i.e. their gender nonconforming self still comes through, despite trying to wear gender conforming clothes, etc.) or they're still harassed, due to society's misogyny. So, telling them to just suppress themselves, who they are, won't necessarily work in helping keep them safe. 

 

Historically, gender non-conforming people have existed and been acknowledged, respected, in other cultures and societies (e.g. Native American society). Gender non-conformity hasn't been acknowledged by Western culture, societies, etc. until more recently.

 

What Does It Mean to Be Gender Nonconforming? 12 Things to Consider (healthline.com)

 

I like seeing gender-nonconforming and LGBT+ people come out, express themselves, etc. because they rarely do, where I live, except for Pride parades; it feels nice to be surrounded by someone who feels a bit more safe to be around, than other people, whom you feel or know won't harass you for being different from others, who shares being different, too.

[Black Tourmaline]

meh. i'm kind of done coming out to people. i'm not hiding anything but i'm not being proactive about it.

[Madelise]

36 minutes ago, GingerRose said:

Just now learning that it's also a National Holiday in the States... WOW

https://time.com/4975404/national-coming-out-day-closet-metaphor-history/

Is that a bad thing? I used it as an opportunity to come out to my parents as demi back in 2019.

[Vysicle]

Coming out is not for everybody, and nobody should be forced to come out no matter how "obvious" they might be. The world will be a better place when nobody needs to come out because nobody will care about who you like (or don't like)

Sadly, that is not the world we live in.

 

[NOTE: I also  identify as gay so most of this is actually talking about that aspect, and not about coming out as asexual]

 

To some, being on the closet actually feels like being INSIDE A LITERAL CLOSET. It can be a safe place, but also suffocating if you're actively trying to keep yourself "closeted."

I have been bullied and "harassed for looking or acting gay". Some of these people even tried to make me feel uncomfortable by asking things that would "out me". To me coming out was a way to take some of that edge away from them.

Also, there are so many people suffering because they feel they don't fit in this sexualized, heteronormative world, and if me coming out help even one kid struggling with their identity then I'll keep doing it. (And I wished I had someone telling me I wasn't a freak growing up)

 

About the Ace aspect of myself, I truly don't feel a need to come out as I did about being gay. I did tell my closest friends, who are very open and casual about their sexual lives (and always respected that I never talked about mine). I realized I was asexual less than year ago, and they were the first people I talked to about it as a way of processing it myself.

And while I don't feel a strong need to come out as ace to a lot more people, I know I'd do it if it can help someone else come to terms with their identity. 

 

 

[GingerRose]

39 minutes ago, Black Tourmaline said:

meh. i'm kind of done coming out to people. i'm not hiding anything but i'm not being proactive about it.

Same here. I came out as pan when I was younger, but now If I realise I'm ace, I'm not going to start wearing a flag cape or anything  

[GingerRose]

It's a rant for a reason, very opinionated. 

[GingerRose]

30 minutes ago, Elise Jennings said:

Is that a bad thing? I used it as an opportunity to come out to my parents as demi back in 2019.

No, It's not that people shouldn't come out. It's still just such a strange idea to me.

For me, I don't think my sexual identity is something I should come out about to anyone besides my partner or doctor.

But that's just me. I don't have anything against other people coming out or enjoying the national day. If it makes you happy go for it.

[nanogretchen4]

If you date, you have to come out to the people you are dating well before things get serious. Then if they decide they don't want to be in a mixed orientation relationship, or if have a relationship but there's a messy break up later, you can't necessarily trust them to keep your secret. But if you come out to everyone in your life voluntarily, you no longer have a secret that anyone can hold over you. Coming out does not make you vulnerable to being outed, it makes you immune. 

 

If you don't date, you are not obligated to come out to anyone. However, at some point people may start asking you questions about why you never date anyone, or they may try to "help" you by setting you up with someone. Refusing to answer questions makes people think they've hit a nerve, which will make people more curious. Telling people that you just aren't interested is almost like coming out as asexual except without using the label, and if they ask follow up questions at some point it's easier to come out than to keep dancing around it.