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to whom did you first tell you were asexual


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I recently posted about my asexuality on one of my private social media pages, it only has close friends and family on, before that I'd not opened up to anyone. I've only very recently in the last few years learnt its what I identify with. 

Everyone that commented back was supportive which was a relief, I'm pretty sure some of them don't really understand but those that really matter are open to learning. 

I chose to tell people via social media as I am really quite bad at speaking about personal things but I'm a natural writer so that felt far more doable! 

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7 hours ago, Chev135 said:

I chose to tell people via social media as I am really quite bad at speaking about personal things but I'm a natural writer so that felt far more doable! 

wow, that sounds so much scarier to me, to have to have it in a more permanent stable form in writing.  

Good for you for finding something that worked for you!

I'm glad that there are so many different kinds of options available so we can each find different options that we might be more comfortable with.

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Finally_Home

I was afraid telling anyone but in the end i told a gay Friend and that felt alot better.

 

He told me that am what i am and noone can change WHO you are and of course that is typical homo persons saying 😛

Love is Love right?

 

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Oddly enough, I only told two different people in my life (I don't have that many).

I didn't feel the need to tell anyone because I don't have any friends, and Asexuality (in my opinion) is a sexuality that doesn't have the same pressures to come out the way gay and bi people do.

 

I told my brother first, and for some odd reason he already knew what it was! 🤯 😮

He even told me about the stereotypes he heard people say about aces; things that I NEVER knew! 😮

We were talking about something else, and I decided to make a brief mention of it (because I felt it had something to do with the topic already)

 

Then I told my mom; but before I officially told her, I ended up hinting towards it, and the statement SEEMED to make her up set (on a sad level).

I think the reason she got sad when I told her "...I'm not having sex", is because I was home schooled and she thought it had something to do with that.

But then later, I decided to tell her when we were having a conversation about something else; she said she wasn't surprised and she knew (but trust me, she didn't 🤣).

 

Yeah, only two people.

It was easy for me. 😄

 

Edit: Wow! I just posted this; and someone already liked it! 😃

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To a guy I met online. Weirdly enough through a random reddit posts to play iMessage games. He 100% understood, and came out to me as demi. Still closeted irl tho

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Technically, it was the Internet, in a comment section on a random website somewhere, lol. But anonymously, and not really important and it was only a few words. Not AVEN, some other website. Does this count as a “real” coming-out? I don't know and I don't care. :P

I don't really remember the reactions.

 

But a few weeks later I also came out to people I actually knew. I needed this delay because I still had some soul-searching to do, as me realizing I'm asexual was quite a big surprise and shock to me (in a good way).

The reactions were OK. To one, I had to do some explaining, but they understood eventually. But a few people have already suspected or concluded themselves I was asexual, even years before I knew it myself!!! WTF? In retrospect, I see now I've been screamingly asexual my whole life, it was obvious to people who knew me.

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To a friend, we were hugging each other and I told him "I think I'm asexual, I'm not sure but recently made a test and the results were that I was sexual but in a low rank". I suspected and he was the first person that, in an intimate moment, I revealed it. For him it was ok, he was comprehensive. 

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A childhood friend that I still keep in touch with. He was a bit puzzled but didn't have anything negative to say about it.

 

The rest of my story:

 

 

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Thujaplicata

I first told my therapist in high school (I was 17 I think...) that I thought I was asexual. Unfortunately, she was skeptical. She suggested that I might just be repressed and I wasn't very self confident at the time and trusted her a lot (she helped me work through a lot of issues from my childhood), so I immediately drew back into "asexual or repressed, guess I don't know yet." I told my Dad next and he said that was cool, great that I didn't have to deal with all that romantic nonsense on top of high school but that I might be a late bloomer and to give it time. 

Since then I've been pretty openly asexual, but if I'm really talking about it, especially with someone I am close to, I'd say "or maybe repressed..."

I only dropped the uncertain part this last March. I talked to my Dad about it first and he was supportive, but it took me a while to get him to stop advising me not to close myself off to possibilities. I haven't closed myself off, but I am asexual...

Anyway.

My personal favorite coming out moment was to one of my little sisters. She's 12 and we were talking on the phone and I was like "I've never explicitly told you though I've never been secretive about it, so just in case, I'm asexual" and she was like "I kind of already knew that?" She sounded so confused. Like, why was I telling her? Was this news? It made me really happy. 

Another little sister had a similarly casual reaction. Both of them were just like, this is you, it fits, you're 22 and have never expressed interest in dating or in anyone etc, 

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I came out to my mom first, although I’d always been very clear to my family that I thought sex and kissing were gross. And I thought I had told my two best friends a few days later, but after going through old text conversations apparently I actually told them that I thought I was probably asexual almost a month earlier! With my mom, I went and sought her out to tell her, but with my friends asexuality actually came up naturally within the conversation.

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Honestly even though there’s people I want to know, I’m never sure how to bring it up, so I tend to come out in reaction to other people coming out and then let other people bring it up.  But I’ve never dated anyone or pretended to be interested in anyone so I’m not in the closet so much as going through my outfits and waiting for people to ask about it.

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nyaga_roxas

I never really came out to anyone directly. It always happens in some funny/awakward way.

 

Work colleague: "So do you like anyone?"

Me: "No, not really."

Work colleague: "So, what are you, asexual?"

Me: "Well..." *awakward laugh*

And then the conversation moved on to something else.

 

Me: "My aunt was convinced I was a lesbian, but I'm not."

Friend: "There is a way of knowing if you're gay or straight: watch porn, and if you want to do those things with a guy you're straight, while if you want to do those things with a girl you're a lesbian."

Me: "What if I don't want to do any of those things with anyone? At least, not with some random person I don't know?"

Friend: "Well, then you haven't found the right person yet!"

Me: "I don't think that's my case..."

And then I awkwardly changed the topic of the conversation.

 

Other weird ways include me posting on the internet a poem about two personal experiences with guys that flirted with me and to whom I had been completely oblivious, which includes the dictionary definition of demisexual, and a novel (unpublished) that includes a coming out scene of the demisexual protagonist, which completely flew over the head of the person who read it.

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headinthesand

Only you guys know, but I do plan to come out to my sis using a meme xD I kind of wish my grandmas would know, so they would stop bringing up marriage and having kids all the time, but I also think they wouldn't understand it at all. 

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The first person I told offline was my travel buddy, late at night at a bar in Newfoundland. It was...dramatic.

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3 minutes ago, Snao Cone said:

The first person I told offline was my travel buddy, late at night at a bar in Newfoundland. It was...dramatic.

My first coming out was quite the dramafest. I thought for sure that I'd breakdown and start crying.

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Cowgirl_Kat

The first and only person I'm out to IRL is my best friend. I came out last December over text, because I'm bad at saying hard things without choking up or freaking out, after 5-6 months of soul searching and being quite confident in being heteroromatic asexual. I gave the base line definitions. He was pretty chill about it since the beginning and always supportive, even without fully understanding everything. We've had a few conversations since then to clarify some finer points and with me explaining my experiences, which he thought were thought provoking.

 

I've dropped hints to others. I think if asexuality were more well known, people would have probably figured it out by now. Growing up whenever a family member or family friend would ask my mom if I have a boyfriend yet she would always reply, "she's got more important things she's doing." Which was and still is true. I've got higher priorities, like my education, than dating, although I would like a long term relationship eventually. I just love how she knows me so well. I do want to come out to her at some point. Just not sure when is the best time.

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8 minutes ago, Cowgirl_Kat said:

The first and only person I'm out to IRL is my best friend. I came out last December over text, because I'm bad at saying hard things without choking up or freaking out, after 5-6 months of soul searching and being quite confident in being heteroromatic asexual. I gave the base line definitions. He was pretty chill about it since the beginning and always supportive, even without fully understanding everything. We've had a few conversations since then to clarify some finer points and with me explaining my experiences, which he thought were thought provoking.

I didn't but it was close.

 

Yes we had a couple of chats afterwards (one included a couple of questions, 'Is asexuality part of the LGBT+ community and did I feel part of it?' 

 

"Yes and I'll get back to you". I was pretty sure I was going to say no, but had to think about it. As it was someone started a thread basically asking the same question. Reading the posts and my own thoughts and I got back to my friend and said, "No".

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Cyberspace2001

The first person I came out to was my younger sister. The reason why I told her first was because she herself was pansexual and would be the person that would probably understand where I'm coming from. She thought nothing of it. Lol

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