Ceebs Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 Sexual here. No to cuddling with family or platonic friends, that's just... weird to me... but yes please, lots of it with a romantic partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevie-_- Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 I personally love cuddling! I have this weird relationship with it though, my love language by all means is physical touch, but I also only allow physical tough with certain people, at certain times, and sometimes only to a certain amount. When it comes to family we just don't, I have had times where I wished my family was more open about physical affection, but we just are not. With my friends, I don't really cuddle with them but well definitely hug more and longer. When I comes to my partner though, I absolutely love cuddling and physical affection. When we are hanging out, its basically just us cuddling and eventually making out oop- but he is aware that I have certain boundaries and if there are ones that are not clear, he's maid a point to tell me that if I am ever uncomfortable with something that we'll stop so I have not been concerned on that end. Personally, I make sure that my partner(s) is aware before the relationship that I am asexual and have boundaries around physicality. Link to post Share on other sites
the game Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 Cuddling is a very nice thing but if the end is not going to go to sex Link to post Share on other sites
UsiresAedon Posted April 26, 2021 Share Posted April 26, 2021 It's hard to say, for me. I haven't cuddled enough in my life to really form an objective opinion. In the few times I have cuddled with a partner, it felt amazing. But they always expect more out of me, which perpetuates the never-ending cycle of disappointment and conflict. In other words, my heart tells me I love it, but my head tells me I hate it. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleSquid Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 I love cuddling and hugs. I'll cuddle my kids, friends, whoever... I'm just a sensual person, for the most part. I'm kinda like a cat, though. Sometimes I'd rather not be touched. Link to post Share on other sites
doggalogga Posted May 4, 2021 Share Posted May 4, 2021 I love it. I am happy with all forms of physical intimacy I just have no interest in sex. Physical intimacy doesn't offer any arousal for me. I just enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
CreepyMinion Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 I like cuddling. I cuddle everyone I have the ability to cuddle. both Platonically and the one that isn't platonic. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 If I like you. A lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Roma Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Have to know someone a long time before I'm good with the full-cuddle thing. If I feel safe with them, curled up on the couch leaning on someone is like sitting beside a warm fire but the fire likes you and occasionally says something romantic or just friendly. I've also trained less close friends to side-hug me and make sure I see them coming because I have a wicked startle response that has left bruises on people who think it's okay to sneak up on people and grab them. My world is made enormously better by the number of people on here who like to cuddle! I think lots of people who don't want sex end up in that gully where people assume you don't want any sort of skin contact at all. Hand holding, side hugs and just leaning on someone in a friendly way are not always asking for sex. A male friend of mine discussed this with me one day and said "Would you feel comfortable hugging me when you see me? I just like hugs, that's all, and nobody believes I can hug without getting horny." After I stopped choking on my Diet Pepsi I agreed. Now when I see him he stands like a statue, as if he's carefully greeting a standoffish cat, until I hug him. I wish there was an AVEN tee shirt that said "Romantic asexual adores cuddles." Hmm, maybe someone would make one? We could identify each other in public and become safe designated huggers. All you nice romantic or just friendly cuddlers may consider yourselves virtually side-hugged. And for those of you not into contact, I wish you a very pleasant evening Link to post Share on other sites
Roma Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 On 4/26/2021 at 2:57 AM, UsiresAedon said: It's hard to say, for me. I haven't cuddled enough in my life to really form an objective opinion. In the few times I have cuddled with a partner, it felt amazing. But they always expect more out of me, which perpetuates the never-ending cycle of disappointment and conflict. In other words, my heart tells me I love it, but my head tells me I hate it. I so feel this. I wish there was an ice cube dispenser above every sofa I sit on, so when someone gets the idea I wanted more than cuddling despite my clear identification as romantic ASEXUAL, I could pull the cord and go "Chill, just chill." It's so hard to find someone who is asexual also that aces end up with allos who think they don't want sex - until they do. Which, no matter what they may think, is entirely their problem if they've had clear boundaries explained to them. Hang in there, I hope you meet someone for whom cuddling is the end goal. Link to post Share on other sites
Finally_Home Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 On 4/25/2021 at 4:29 AM, Killua said: How do you guys feel about cuddling? And by extension, cuddling with friends/family even as an activity most people consider romantic? Or even cuddling with a partner which could/often has an expectation that it'll lead to something sexual? For me the most intimate stuff I can think of is just being close to someone you love, cuddle up close and just be like one. though it takes time to get there for me I need loads of time to learn to trust and build up some feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
RobL2415 Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 I'm slowly starting to realize that intimacy and romantic attraction are not mutually exclusive. The more I think through it, the more I realize that what I really want most of the time is intimacy form someone -- anyone -- not just a romantic partner. This includes physical intimacy. I wish we could normalize platonic physical intimacy like cuddling. Link to post Share on other sites
MarRister Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 Never been a very touchy feely type of person and I generally don't show much physical affection for my friends and family other than a hug hello and/or goodbye. And because I was not a very cuddly person I felt like I wouldn't be that into it in a romantic/sexual relationship either. But I have found I really enjoy it in that context and crave it. My last sexual partner would joke that the only reason I came over to hang out was for the cuddles. Link to post Share on other sites
UsiresAedon Posted May 14, 2021 Share Posted May 14, 2021 On 5/11/2021 at 10:43 PM, Roma said: I so feel this. I wish there was an ice cube dispenser above every sofa I sit on, so when someone gets the idea I wanted more than cuddling despite my clear identification as romantic ASEXUAL, I could pull the cord and go "Chill, just chill." It's so hard to find someone who is asexual also that aces end up with allos who think they don't want sex - until they do. Which, no matter what they may think, is entirely their problem if they've had clear boundaries explained to them. Hang in there, I hope you meet someone for whom cuddling is the end goal. Thank you. I actually have met someone who also identifies as asexual. I am going to fly out to meet her in a little over a month. We'll rent a hotel room, and explain to the front desk attendant that her and I met online (for added safety). There won't be any pressure for any kind of intimacy, and she will be welcome to hang out with me at the hotel or just meet in public places. I plan on being there for a week. Depending on how things go, we may experiment with some "asexual cuddling." I think deep down her and I both really want that, but we also want to make sure we respect each others' boundaries. If all goes well, then perhaps I can share my experiences here at a later date. I know AVEN needs more success stories! By the way, best of luck to you as well. I hope you are able to find somebody that is simultaneously romantic yet respects your limits. I am sure they're out there! Link to post Share on other sites
Thujaplicata Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 I love cuddling. I grew up frequently ending up in lazy tangles with my sisters and want as many hugs as I can get. I'm not great at initiating anything though. Especially with friends - I always worry that maybe a hug would be unwelcome. In college I spent an increasingly large amount of time cuddling with my roommate. I find something special about curling around someone else and just chatting or reading or otherwise letting time pass. I'm sex repulsed so the idea of cuddling that someone thinks might lead to sex is...alarming. This reminded me - my therapist in high school was telling me about love languages (because my mom and I have different ones which makes it harder) and I was trying to figure out mine. Quality time was obvious, but then I was trying to figure out the second. And I thought maybe touch because I like to hug and cuddle my sisters etc. She was immediately like "are you sure? Sex is generally important for people with touch as a primary love language." At which I immediately backpedaled to a no, nope, absolutely not, how about words of affirmation instead. Which is probably correct - saying I care and hearing others say it means a lot to me. I often feel like an emotion can't really be trusted if whoever feels it can't say it. Perhaps not fair, but it doesn't come up much. Mostly just in that I hate that my stepdad refuses to apologize seriously. It's a pet peeve. But anyway, I'm remembering that and thinking hmph, touch could be a love language of mine whether or not I want sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 21 minutes ago, Thujaplicata said: I love cuddling. I grew up frequently ending up in lazy tangles with my sisters and want as many hugs as I can get. I'm not great at initiating anything though. Especially with friends - I always worry that maybe a hug would be unwelcome. In college I spent an increasingly large amount of time cuddling with my roommate. I find something special about curling around someone else and just chatting or reading or otherwise letting time pass. I'm sex repulsed so the idea of cuddling that someone thinks might lead to sex is...alarming. This reminded me - my therapist in high school was telling me about love languages (because my mom and I have different ones which makes it harder) and I was trying to figure out mine. Quality time was obvious, but then I was trying to figure out the second. And I thought maybe touch because I like to hug and cuddle my sisters etc. She was immediately like "are you sure? Sex is generally important for people with touch as a primary love language." At which I immediately backpedaled to a no, nope, absolutely not, how about words of affirmation instead. Which is probably correct - saying I care and hearing others say it means a lot to me. I often feel like an emotion can't really be trusted if whoever feels it can't say it. Perhaps not fair, but it doesn't come up much. Mostly just in that I hate that my stepdad refuses to apologize seriously. It's a pet peeve. But anyway, I'm remembering that and thinking hmph, touch could be a love language of mine whether or not I want sex! My language of love is definitely touch. I'm sensual and that's how I express and love to receive affection. Sex is different.. it's not the soft closeness I'm looking for, and it's a different kind of pleasure that the body creates. Cuddles for life Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted May 15, 2021 Share Posted May 15, 2021 The best tactile/sexual experience I ever had was cuddling with my ex-zucchini Ellie in my bed on my 25th birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
JaclynA Posted May 24, 2021 Share Posted May 24, 2021 Love cuddling with my husband and kids (kids are 8 and 6). We are a cuddly family. I don't have the urge to cuddle anyone else, though. My husband and I have a term for cuddles that will not lead to sex. I confirm with my husband that I only want "safe cuddles." That is his cue to not expect them to turn into sex. Sometimes I just want a snuggle! Link to post Share on other sites
Anaira Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 As long as it doesn't lead to anything sexual, I'm definitely open to cuddling. For that matter, any form of non-sexual physical affection is fine by me 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Seren73 Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 I *love* the idea of cuddling with absolutely no sexual contact or intent... I have fantasies about that. Have not had much of a chance to experience it though, outside of remembering hugging my mom and dad as a kid. Link to post Share on other sites
a little annihilation Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 I fantasize a lot about queerplatonic/ romantic cuddling when I'm going off to sleep I have cuddled with my family some, but it's not really something I'd go out of my way to do... Link to post Share on other sites
KuraTheChibiSleepingBeauty Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 I love cuddling, but touch-starvation mixed with touch-aversion makes things...difficult. Plus the only person I have to cuddle with is my cat. Link to post Share on other sites
camillosan Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 I'm talking and thinking about cuddling a lot lately....ah yes touch starvation sucks. Well, I'm also touch averse and dislike being hugged or touched excessively by more or less anyone, my family and close friends included. I'm fantasizing a lot about cuddling and oftentimes wish I had the right person to cuddle with. I think I'd need a romantic bond with someone to want to cuddle with them though. Link to post Share on other sites
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