Queerplatonic widow(er)s

[DesJ]

 I'm in kind of a unique situation and I just didn't know where else to talk about it. I (29 NB) had a queerplatonic partner (would be 31 F) that I knew in middle school, became friends with in high school, moved in with at about age 20, and became inseparable from about a year after that. We adopted two cats together, we went on vacations together, we celebrated our anniversary, we hosted dinner parties, we talked about growing old together, we would often say "You are my person" when we felt English failed to capture what we meant to each other.

 

Five years ago she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and two years ago she died from it. I was already in talk therapy and I'm about to start treatment for traumatic grief in the hope that I will eventually be able to finish sorting her possessions. 

 

I don't know what I mean to say except, is there anyone else out there who would consider themself a widow/widower from a queerplatonic or aromantic relationship? I feel like I'm building a collection of extremely rare experiences and it's starting to really get old.

[Izz]

I would say this is a very unique situation, when i think of a future QPR i just assume me and my future partner would just live together forever or die at the same time. i dont think about the unexpected things in life. I'm sorry you had to go through this because i know finding that life long partner is very hard especially for people like us, i hope your therapy will go better even though you can fix these wounds i hope you can learn to manage them. 

[slywlf]

From my perspective I would definitely call you a widow! Had you been a male/female pair, married or not, who never had sex for whatever personal reason, the bereft partner would still be a widow/widower, because it's the closeness of the relationship, not the sex that makes a partnership. I have no qualms about calling the remaining partner of an unmarried pair of whatever orientation by those terms.

My sincerest condolences on your loss! I hope your therapist is good, and has the training, tools and empathy to help you through this time! 

[DesJ]

22 hours ago, slywlf said:

From my perspective I would definitely call you a widow! Had you been a male/female pair, married or not, who never had sex for whatever personal reason, the bereft partner would still be a widow/widower, because it's the closeness of the relationship, not the sex that makes a partnership. I have no qualms about calling the remaining partner of an unmarried pair of whatever orientation by those terms.

My sincerest condolences on your loss! I hope your therapist is good, and has the training, tools and empathy to help you through this time! 

Thanks, it's been really validating to start using the word widower to describe myself and the more "traditional" widows and widowers I've started connecting with have been completely accepting. It's been really helpful.

[Guest]

Nothing here.

[iluvsunnydays]

Hi! I'm asexual and I was married to my late husband until he died in 2012 of cancer suddenly.  

 

We were romantic so did kiss/cuddle, I'm not good on all the terms so I'm not 100% sure what that's called. 

[jay williams]

I imagine this is more common than society lets on. I am personally familiar with two women who have been inseparable for about 40 years. They are (blood) sisters, and I consider them married to each other. No reason for me to believe they have some kind of physical thing going on, but no one would ever know if they did.

  

[alto]

A woman that I loved queerplatonically died when she was nineteen and I was seventeen.  It was ghastly.