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Gray Celibacy


MyFriendSaysBeAPotato

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MyFriendSaysBeAPotato

BLUF: Anyone else so strongly identify with bring ace that when any gray feelings pop-up, you make a conscious effort to minimize or eliminate them (i.e. choose to be celibate)?

 

I have felt sexual attraction that wasn't just a vague "my body is aroused" thing (i.e. for an individual) wrt one person only, and more-or-less after forming a close emotional bond (though it’s a chicken and egg situation, I’m not sure if I was more likely to form a bond because I was attracted to them and didn’t realize it yet). But having spent the rest of my life and 99% of my other experiences as a sex-repulsed asexual--this is, like, not okay. I prefer when I'm in my normal zen of asexual. I feel more myself, more in control of my senses/thoughts/desires, more authentic to who I think of myself as.


Being celibate in gray moments is therefore something I think is important to my long term mental health and the way to stay in line with my philosophy on life. But there’s a decent amount of negative stigma with celibacy. Plus, having to make the choice at all makes me feel less able to call myself asexual, because the “asexual is not celibate” argument (which is valid) is a common one. My inclination is that people can be gray and celibate (and that that is not a bad thing), but I don’t know if you can be asexual and celibate. Though since asexuality and celibacy are two different things—choices and orientations, I feel maybe you could be both since it could make sense that being asexual could make you choose to be celibate. And yet having to choose to be celibate kind of negates the idea that you don’t feel attraction (not a choice thing).


Just wondering if anyone has thoughts, counterarguments or can relate.
 

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I can relate to that as a gray-romantic but ive never had sexual attraction. Right now i have a small crush on a girl in m youth group mostly based on her personality and I'm trying to get over that since im not going to pursue a romantic relationship with her. im hoping we can continue our friendship and eventually i will lose feelings.

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How can you be ace and have "grey feelings"? 🤔

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13 hours ago, MyFriendSaysBeAPotato said:

And yet having to choose to be celibate kind of negates the idea that you don’t feel attraction (not a choice thing).

 

I don't see that the two are mutually exclusive. Like you said, one is a choice, the other is an orientation. Plenty of asexuals choose to have sex despite not experiencing sexual attraction to their partner, so it's entirely possible to be asexual and also choose to be celibate.

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