Emariel Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Hi guys. I've recently been questioning whether I may be ace, or some variation (demi, gray...), but I wanted some feedback--or at least the chance to type this out in order to help process my thoughts. The first time I heard about asexuality was when I was 19 and in my first year of college. I had a couple friends who identified that way, and I learned a bit from them, but it didn't click that that may apply to me until a bit later when I thought, "Hey, do I even feel sexual attraction? What is 'normal' sexual attraction anyway?". All through high school and college I was never particularly interested in sex and dating, and now I'm 25 and have still never been on a date. Sure it'd be nice to have a partner, but would I want sex? I have no idea. I never look at someone and think "I want to have sex with that person." In fact even imagining having sex with anyone I have met feels weird and uncomfortable. Have I just not met the right person? Am I not experienced enough with relationships to form an opinion? I'd love to hear your thoughts and if you've gone through similar identity crises! Link to post Share on other sites
taetae Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 First of all, you don't have to have experience to know if you want sex or relationship. It's a matter of comfort, only you know what you're comfortable with. If you were never interested in sex, there is a good chance you are in the spectrum. No need to rush it, no need to experiment, only if you want to. Sexuality is fluid, right now you may feel asexual and you have a right to identify as such. If you later discover something about yourself, maybe that you are demisexual, then identify as demisexual. Identity is not something we have to stick with forever. But it's there when we need it. Whatever you decide, we're here for you. I always knew I didn't want sex but I tried to make myself want it, do not recommend. Link to post Share on other sites
Grayze Posted April 18, 2021 Share Posted April 18, 2021 Hi I’m in my 20’s as well have never had sex and am honestly a bit repulsed by the idea. I’ve also been questioning weather in just too young to know or if I just need to try it. But whatever I decide to try with my partner is gonna be baby steps. I WISH I wanted sex like literally everyone else seems to do all the time- it would just make stuff easier. I do agree with OP that some things you just have to trust that you know and then follow the possible fluidity of it🤷🏻♀️ I just wonder what I can do to make it easier on my partner...? Link to post Share on other sites
Libellule Posted April 18, 2021 Share Posted April 18, 2021 Hey I'm about the same age as you (26) and also did a lot of questioning over the past year. Like you I had heard of asexuality years before I started wondering if it applied to me, and it wasn't until last summer that I got a better understanding of it and started questioning my own sexuality. Before I thought I was straight but not doing a great job at it because most of my experiences of dating/getting with guys were sort of 'meh'. I was pretty confident that I was ace for a while because a lot of things 'clicked' for me, but never entirely. And then over the past few months some things happened that made me start questioning everything again (well basically, feeling sexual attraction to someone). As for now, I've decided to stop stressing about what I am exactly and just focus on being myself. I definitely don't think you need to have had sex to know whether or not you're ace. If you've never been interested in it and find the thought of it weird or uncomfortable, that's a good indication that you're on the spectrum. Though in the end that's only up to you to determine. From what I've read on here, plenty of aces have never had sex but always known they were not interested in or repulsed by it. However, even if you do change your mind at some point, that still doesn't invalidate how you felt previously. It's perfectly normal and fine to re-evaluate things as you learn more about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
taetae Posted April 19, 2021 Share Posted April 19, 2021 18 hours ago, Grayze said: I just wonder what I can do to make it easier on my partner...? Honestly, good communication is key. But while trying to make it easier on your partner, don't forget about yourself - it's difficult for you too, isn't it? I don't have any good advice unfortunately as I'm still searching for the answers myself. But I can't stress this enough - we have to take care of ourselves first. When you are asexual and as you said maybe even sex repulsed, doing sexual activities with your partner is a huge compromise on your side and huge stress probably. If you decide to have sex it's going to lay harder on you than on your partner. It's important they know it's not just "ok then, let's have sex once every (...)" and we're good, we have a compromise. No, it's not that easy Link to post Share on other sites
Emariel Posted May 3, 2021 Author Share Posted May 3, 2021 On 4/18/2021 at 11:57 AM, fairyofsuburbia said: Before I thought I was straight but not doing a great job at it Boy if that isn't a mood 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
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