Everything makes sense now - beware TMI

[Barefoot Quandry]

So after 45 years of shame, secrecy, and just not getting it - everything that never quite made sense about me is finally making sense.  It is really blowing my mind.  For example, when other kids were of the age of “playing doctor” and experimental touching, I used to encourage  a few of my most trusted friends to masturbate in the same room with me but no touching allowed.  We were just children and didn’t even know what to call what we were doing, but I do know that, for me, touching would have seriously killed the buzz.   I also now understand the elaborate and ridiculous excuses I would use to get out of having sex with someone.  I would show up for dates wearing baggy clothes.  I even started shaving my head.  All to remove sexual attraction from the table of every relationship.

 

Dammit.  All this self-realization at my age is just crazy.  Sorry for the overshare, I’ve just never had anyone to talk to about this before.

[Rock Shelter]

I understand what you are saying.  I've gone down a similar path.  You are not alone!

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Barefoot Quandry said:

 It is really blowing my mind.  For example, when other kids were of the age of “playing doctor” and experimental touching, I used to encourage  a few of my most trusted friends to masturbate in the same room with me but no touching allowed.  

Off topic sorry but as a parent I'm always shocked when I hear people talk about this sort of thing so casually like all kids do it 😧 it often comes up on AVEN like everyone did it as kids.. but I know as a kid I would have been shocked at the idea of getting naked and touching each other, or masturbating near each other, and now as an adult I always do my best to make sure my kids are never left alone long enough in a situation with certain children where something like that could possibly happen. But sometimes I start feeling like I'm the odd one out and everyone else actually saw other children getting naked together and playing with each other's ..ahem, and masturbating together, based on how causally it's sometimes bought up here! 😧 is it actually common and I was just a prude growing up? Haha.

 

That aside though, I'm glad you finally found some answers!! :D

 

[spencexists]

Once I got the proper definition of asexual so much made sense.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@PanFicto.I think it depends on the environment. I definitely never had that or heard of others doing it... that's until much later. A few People I knew told me a few things happened in their childhood, and that was a bit shocking to me, but then also when people were teens, more people were having sex than I thought. I think I wasn't really someone people would talk sex about lol, so maybe that's why I didn't know until later.

 

As for me I'm pretty sure I wanted sex. I wonder if I would've found out it's not as interesting irl (or than I thought) or not when I was teen tho. Still not sure if I 'became' how I am or if I was always that way but just didn't know.

[Lord Jade Cross]

25 minutes ago, PanFicto. said:

Off topic sorry but as a parent I'm always shocked when I hear people talk about this sort of thing so casually like all kids do it 😧 it often comes up on AVEN like everyone did it as kids.. but I know as a kid I would have been shocked at the idea of getting naked and touching each other, or masturbating near each other, and now as an adult I always do my best to make sure my kids are never left alone long enough in a situation with certain children where something like that could possibly happen. But sometimes I start feeling like I'm the odd one out and everyone else actually saw other children getting naked together and playing with each other's ..ahem, and masturbating together, based on how causally it's sometimes bought up here! 😧 is it actually common and I was just a prude growing up? Haha.

 

That aside though, I'm glad you finally found some answers!!

 

Yes, it seems "playing house" or "doctor" was a common enough practice some 40ish years ago. My father would claim to having done this a few of these (and then they freaked out at the mere thought of me even seeing something remotely sexual when I was a kid 🙄) as well as others I've heard do similar things. 

 

Not sure I would call myself a prude as I have never understood nor got what others my age and/or older did. I was always just caught up in my games to the point where my parents would sort of joke in a passive aggressive way saying that I would end up fantasizing about video games instead of people. That was kind of a fulfilling prophecy in a way as I still take more interests in games than people XD

 

 

[Barefoot Quandry]

I totally understand how the whole idea of it is kind of shocking and potentially disturbing for some people.  All I can tell you is that as a child it was not really sexual. We didn’t even understand what sexual was.  It was more biological.  Like you accidentally hit a nerve that felt good and wondered why it felt good.  You asked your friends and they were curious too.  I think it was just part of the process of growing up and figuring out how your body worked.  In terms of asexuality, I look back and think about my development and the idea of truly being “born this way.”  It is an interesting thing to try to unravel, but maybe I shouldn’t even try without a therapist 🧐 For now, I’m just happy to have discovered this site where at least  people are open to discussing things honestly and making a real attempt to understand.  So thanks to everyone for your feedback.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

55 minutes ago, Barefoot Quandry said:

I totally understand how the whole idea of it is kind of shocking and potentially disturbing for some people.  All I can tell you is that as a child it was not really sexual. We didn’t even understand what sexual was.  It was more biological.  Like you accidentally hit a nerve that felt good and wondered why it felt good.  You asked your friends and they were curious too.  I think it was just part of the process of growing up and figuring out how your body worked.  In terms of asexuality, I look back and think about my development and the idea of truly being “born this way.”  It is an interesting thing to try to unravel, but maybe I shouldn’t even try without a therapist 🧐 For now, I’m just happy to have discovered this site where at least  people are open to discussing things honestly and making a real attempt to understand.  So thanks to everyone for your feedback.

In whatever case, being able to know how we are now, and accept it, accept ourselves for how we are, I think it the best thing to do