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I'm done with labels for a bit. Too confusing.


SnaccRacc

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This is partially a vent and partially just me making sure that this is still ok. I (18f) have just decided to give up on finding a specific label for now, and just say I'm in the ace spectrum. Honestly, I got so stressed and tired from trying to find a label. Sometimes something in between ace and grey sexual makes sense, other days just calling myself demi is ok, and other days i think I'm just a sex positive ace. I've decided to get a bit more life experience before I call myself something specific, but goodness gracious it can get frustrating. Does this make any sense? I'm still very new to being in the ace community, so I just want to make sure I'm not talking crazy. Thank you.

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Sarah-Sylvia

Yeah XD. It's best not to be fixated on fitting in a label, better to just be you :)
 

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22 minutes ago, SnaccRacc said:

I've decided to get a bit more life experience before I call myself something specific

Dang, this is too true. I'm also a teen working on figuring out my identity, but theorizing and browsing AVEN for an exact label/person's experience that I can relate to can only go so far! I like your approach, it's a very level-headed way to deal with it. I know what you mean about the frustration, though - I wish I knew for certain too!  

 

And hey, welcome to AVEN! Nice profile pic :)

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Labels shouldn't be taken so seriously. They are a quick way to identify, and that is it. We are different; we don't have the same experiences. We are all also fluid. When you start obsessing over microlabels... you aren't doing yourself any favors. Just find what you enjoy. I feel like there is so much pressure on people, especially young people, to identify with a group, and it really drives anxiety. A label should describe what you are feeling at the time, not tell you how to feel all the time.

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I totally feel you! Being in a constant state of questioning can be majorly stressful. I spent a lot of time agonizing about which label fit me best, and then recently I was just like "I'm gonna pick one and then not think about it again for awhile" 😅

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I relate to this quite a bit. I joined AVEN last summer because I was wondering if I might be ace, and being on here initially gave me more certainty in my identity. However, over the past few months I've started questioning it all again and I've now come to the conclusion to stop worrying about what label fits me best and instead just try to be me. Obviously labels can be very helpful and comforting to many people, but that's not the case for everyone. It's fine to not have it all figured out, and I think it's actually a very wise decision to not obsess about finding one label that fits you perfectly. You also still have so much time left to figure out and be who you are! 

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GhoulFriend

I don't like to mess with labels either. None seem to fit me 100%. If anyone happens to ask I just tell them I'm asexual, and leave it at that. They don't need to know every minor detail, anyway! 

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On 4/9/2021 at 9:58 PM, SnaccRacc said:

This is partially a vent and partially just me making sure that this is still ok. I (18f) have just decided to give up on finding a specific label for now, and just say I'm in the ace spectrum. Honestly, I got so stressed and tired from trying to find a label. Sometimes something in between ace and grey sexual makes sense, other days just calling myself demi is ok, and other days i think I'm just a sex positive ace. I've decided to get a bit more life experience before I call myself something specific, but goodness gracious it can get frustrating. Does this make any sense? I'm still very new to being in the ace community, so I just want to make sure I'm not talking crazy. Thank you.

I'm old enough to be your Grandmother, yet I feel exactly the same.  The label thing is getting ridiculous - too many shades of gray, as it were (no pun intended).  Like you, some days I'm demi, some days I'm gray.  Whoever said that it isn't changeable is dead wrong; it's very broad and general and the idea of pinning it to one specific label is absurd, IMHO.

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On 4/9/2021 at 10:54 PM, Zagadka said:

 A label should describe what you are feeling at the time, not tell you how to feel all the time.

Totally 100% agree.  Someone on another forum here tried to tell me that "orientation doesn't change" and that's fine, if you're talking about an orientation such as gay or bi or gender-fluid, but personally I don't see Asexuality as an "orientation", per se.  It defies the whole definition of the word, when you think about it!  An orientation means someone is oriented toward something, and Asexuality is completely the opposite.

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7 minutes ago, MaryofMayo said:

Someone on another forum here tried to tell me that "orientation doesn't change" and that's fine, if you're talking about an orientation such as gay or bi or gender-fluid, but personally I don't see Asexuality as an "orientation", per se.  It defies the whole definition of the word, when you think about it!  An orientation means someone is oriented toward something, and Asexuality is completely the opposite.

You will find resistance to asexuality not being an orientation.

 

But orientations *do* change. Not always, but people do develop different attractions in life. Some people feel a way from birth/early age, some realize later, some get surprised by no longer being attracted to a long term partner. Is it genetics, or chemistry, or trauma, or mental health... who cares.

 

I'd rather really just not think or argue about it. There is too much obsession with finding what you are without enough enjoyment of feeling what you are.

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