How often do you get a crush?

[lemon_lime]

How often do you get a crush or have romantic feelings for someone? 
 

when I first realized I was ace I assumed I was also heteroromantic. But I started looking back at things differently and decided I was actually pan. But now I’m wondering if I’m pan/demi. 
 

Someone said something to me about not having a lot of crushes and now I’m confused. What’s a normal number of crushes? Have I not had many? 
 

Starting all the way back in kindergarten with a bit of puppy love all the way to now, 36 years old and married for over 10 years, I think I’ve had 10 crushes. Not counting any girls I may have had a crush on and not realized it wasn’t just friendship I felt. Let me just write them down so I’m sure I didn’t miscount. 
 

1. Jay
2. Jeff
3. Tim
4. Wade
5. Justin
6. Martin
7. Josh
8. Will
9. David
10. Reg

 

I was already starting to wonder if maybe I was Demi or greyromantic. 

[Ceebs]

Not counting verrrryyyyy brief passing things I don't remember, I'm the same age as you and I've had about 11 or 12 crushes of both sexes (this includes all three people with whom I've had serious relationships).

 

I don't consider myself demi or grey anything. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[lemon_lime]

Ok thanks. I was starting to wonder because all the ppl I’ve had crushes on I was rather close to first, and it was often an intellectual attraction. But maybe that’s just me. 

[spencexists]

Not often at all. From my memory, I think I've had around 3. theres this one girl at my school and shes in choir and I'm like 99% sure shes gay (I have a lot of friends who are and I can't keep track with ones I'm not that close to) and she now has PURPLE HAIR and I really love her styles and personality and name and she might just be the reason I know I'm not fully aromantic. The other day I was in choir class and we just sit outside and chill for an hour cause we're figuring out this whole in person school thing and she was wearing  a flowey yellow and white maxi skirt and a grey tank top tucked into it and it went so well with her purple hair and gorgeous glasses that I didn't want to stop looking at her, but thats the case with a lot of her outfits. I'm good at telling if I'm aesthetically attracted to someone or romantically or both and I think its both in her case.

[Artemis42]

I'm in my late teens and I've had about four crushes (I don't think I get casual fleeting romantic feelings so for the most part these were all full-on, hormone-filled, head-over-heels adoration), and I'd say each of them were at least a year apart from each other (rough estimation but it's close enough). I used to identify as demiromantic, but it never felt completely right and eventually I realized it wasn't a useful label to me anymore. 

[Libellule]

I'm 26 and tend to get crushes on people easily, but most of the time they go away just as quickly. I'd say I've genuinely liked 7-8 people, but have never been in love.

[Virelai]

I've had tons of crushes, but have been in love with two people. I can get crushes rather frequently but they tend to be shallow and thus I wouldn't pursue them. The feelings I get after knowing someone and then falling for them are the ones I take seriously.

[Guest]

I've been "in love" twice in my life (I'm in my late 20s, to put this in perspective) and have had a few other crushes here and there that didn't go anywhere for various reasons. On average, I catch the feels about once every few years. It used to be about once every 1-2 years but the frequency has gone down over time.

 

In my experience, people who get crushes once a year or more often generally consider themselves romantics (as in, not demiromantic and not greyromantic). Obviously this varies from person to person, but this is why I identify as demi/greyromantic.

 

To further put this into perspective, last time I was in a relationship was three years ago, and I haven't had any other significant attachments since then.

[lemon_lime]

Since I’ve been married for over 10 years and haven’t had any crushes since him, maybe that why my number is so low. 

[Ana_23]

Not that often but I do have a few and I  was not able to articulate my feelings idk why may be I was not that serious just wanted to admire them.

Edited April 9, 2021 by Ana_23

[Peachier]

not a lot, but that's probably bc im a demiromantic. almost all my crushes were on people who ive emotionally connected with

[Carbon-12]

I get spontaneous crushes on around 1% of the people I meet, but only have a "justifiable" one (actually know them and we're at least somewhat friends) on one a year. I'm a junior in high school though, so take of that what you will!

[Homer]

It's been nearly two decades. Hated every second of it. Never again if I can help it. Absolutely vile and disgusting.

[GingerRose]

I don't really know why, but now I don't really get crushes...could be because it's a pandemic and I don't' see people, but also I can't think of when I had an actual crush since before sophomore year of uni. I used to list them out in my diaries. Their names and who I liked in what order...ha ha  ha.

[Mynx10]

I'm 20 and I would say I've had a fair amount of crushes for my age. Almost all of them being people I was really close friends with at that time in my life, that being 8 people. I also had the odd shorter lived crush which was more just me wanting to be friends with them. It has been roughly 8 months since I've had a crush now though and it's kinda weird because from 11-19, I pretty much always had a crush on someone.

[MaryInTheMists]

I'm in my 30's, and I've had three definite crushes in my life, plus possibly one or two more that I didn't recognize as crushes at the time because I thought I was straight, so I would say crushes are pretty rare for me. 

[lemon_lime]

29 minutes ago, MaryInTheMists said:

I'm in my 30's, and I've had three definite crushes in my life, plus possibly one or two more that I didn't recognize as crushes at the time because I thought I was straight, so I would say crushes are pretty rare for me. 

Yeah that sounds pretty rare. I I may have had 2 crushes on girls that I didn’t realize at the time. 
 

my main reason for wondering if I was demiromantic is because my main crushes, and the one time I’ve been in love, with my husband, were all with close friends. Maybe I’m demiromantic, maybe not. But I still like to think these things through. 

[N8ty L3asT]

As of recently not in many many years, but in total ever I’d say 5 but I’d say I dated at least 3 three of them so those ones probably don’t count 

[k_ace]

I'm 22. I've had about 7 legitimate crushes, 4 of whom I ended up dating (and one of whom I'd like to now, haha). I'm a big hopeless romantic though, so when I do crush I crush hard and my crushes can last a really long time. 

[Jaylee]

im kind of trying to figure this out as well, i thought all the ones i had were crushes but then i got an ACTUAL crush that i felt was more,

so i think the others were squishes and this was my only crush or maybe this is me in love and the others are crushes idk

either way, one of them has a higher degree than the others so your not alone in trying to figure this out.

 

the other ones i've had lasted maybe a year but the bgger one has been going on for over 2 years so it varies

Edited April 28, 2021 by Lee C

[Sea Lemon]

I'm 27 and not ace or aro, and I think I can count about 15 that I can actually remember, including celebrities/fictional characters, and 3 of the people I've dated. So it doesn't really happen often for me! 

[Kitq]

I'm still unsure if I'm aro.. I'm 100% sure on aro-spec but where on the spectrum I am..pheew.
I always thought I experienced crushes but after reflecting a lot of them I came to the conclusion that none of them were crushes. Most of them were squishes. I had a relationship with someone when I was 14 and I thought it was a crush. In reality it was a squish combined with aesthetic attraction. My second relationship, the longest and so far last one, was actually not even close to a crush. I'm also having ADHD and I just hyperfixated on that particular person and liked them platonically.  After 1,5 years everything was over and man, I was so happy and relieved after I broke up with him. This might sounds mean or something but the relationship was super toxic from the beginning and breaking up felt as if I had gotten my freedom back.

 

So long story short: Zero crushes, only some squishes and a weird situation,lol.

[Phalena]

Hmmm. I take quite a long time before developing a crush on someone. I only actively remember like five in my entire life or so. But I'm in my early twenties and I've not taken much part in any activities or so. I live in a very rural area and grew up poor. There weren't many opportunities for me to meet many people, so I'm not sure if there could have been more.

[ben8884]

I get passing small crushes easily. Major crushes take a while though.

[A User]

I get fictoromantic crushes, but that's it.

 

I basically have faked crushes on real people lol

[Guest]

4 hours ago, A User said:

I basically have faked crushes on real people lol

You mean you’ve told others you have a crush on them when it’s not true? I’ve been on the receiving end of that sort of thing a few times, it’s quite damaging...

[A User]

8 minutes ago, Autumn Twilight said:

You mean you’ve told others you have a crush on them when it’s not true? I’ve been on the receiving end of that sort of thing a few times, it’s quite damaging...

No, I mean I told anyone who asked (who isn't the "crush") that [randomly picked person who I pretend is my crush] is my crush. I don't actually tell them tho......

[Guest]

1 minute ago, A User said:

No, I mean I told anyone who asked (who isn't the "crush") that [randomly picked person who I pretend is my crush] is my crush. I don't actually tell them tho......

Oh I think I see now. Just trying to avoid potential flak from peers.

[A User]

1 minute ago, Autumn Twilight said:

Just trying to avoid potential flak from peers.

Yeah

I actually have been shipped with other boys in my school, despite it being as clear as day that there are no lovey-dovey feelings

[Guest]

1 minute ago, A User said:

Yeah

I actually have been shipped with other boys in my school, despite it being as clear as day that there are no lovey-dovey feelings

That would be irritating all right.