The thought of being romantic with someone disgusts me

[Gisselle002]

Growing up, I’ve never really had actual crushes on guys. Since my friends would have crushes, I felt like I was weird for not having one and would have to make one up. I also thought I could have been lesbian but I never felt attracted or had feelings for girls before at all so I had to be straight, I just didn’t know why I had a hard time having a crush on a guy. I’m not sure if I would say I felt sexually attracted but more like physically attracted to guys because in reality I never actually want to have sex in real life. I fantasize about it a lot but I would never want to actually go through with it or don’t have anyone in mind to do it with. I also had sex with one guy because I felt pressured to and I had to convince myself i actually liked him but I felt zero attraction towards him and definitely did not enjoy it at all. I believe I’d make myself or convinced myself I had crushes when in reality i don’t and I feel gross by the idea of being affectionate or even telling a guy “I love you” or the thought of going on a date and it being all romantic makes me cringe so hard. It’s also weird because I find romantic stories or people in happy relationships as cute but I would never want that for myself cuz that would make me feel weird and uncomfortable. So I’m not sure if I am just aromantic or asexual as well since I do get aroused and I think about sex.

[mozart]

Hey! Welcome to AVEN 🙂 

The definition of asexuality that is usually used is a lack of sexual attraction. Personally I like to paraphrase it with having no emotional need to connect with people on a sexual level. As far as I know, many other asexuals get aroused, think about sex, or even watch porn or masturbate, but just don't have this desire to connect with other people sexually. Maybe this helps in figuring yourself out?

[Artemis42]

Your experiences sound like a lot of other aces I've seen, so you're definitely not alone. 

Welcome to AVEN