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Hi all, great to meet everyone. 

I’m Jane, age 49, and I’ve just (24 hours ago) discovered asexuality. Stonewall tweeted about International Asexuality Day, which led me to an interview and podcast with Yasmin Benoit, and to here. Suddenly so many things make sense! *mind blown* I’m obviously still wrapping my head around all of this and it will take me a while to think it all through. 

It’s strange. I’ve never thought of myself as different, just very picky and independent. I assumed when I met “the one”, things would click into place. Ive never questioned why I wasn’t actively trying to find this person like all of my friends. I’ve had 3 sexual relationships, the last one over 20 years ago, and they all left me wondering what all the fuss was about. It all seemed such hard work and I didn’t understand why people would spend so much time and energy on trying to find a partner, why people would get into such risky situations just for sex, and why being single was such a terrible thing.


I feel such a strange sense of relief to have an explanation. Ive suddenly realised that sex and relationships are inexplicable to me because the way I see the world is completely different to most other people. The podcast with Yasmin Benoit made me laugh out loud because the host was obviously trying to understand, but Yasmin’s POV was so completely out with their comprehension, they were baffled. I wasn’t. Not by Yasmin. I found the host’s bafflement, baffling.


Thankfully I’m on holiday from work this week so I’ve got time to read and think about all of this. I was awake until 4am this morning reading Angela Chan’s book, and posts on here. It’s taken me ages to write this post, I’ve so many thoughts and epiphanies going off in my head all at once, sorry if this is a incoherent ramble.


A bit more about me, leaving the ace/aro bit to one side. I’m Scottish but have lived in London since the mid-90s. I’m a university librarian, a history geek, and I’m learning to play the piano - hurrah for piano lessons over Skype during lockdown. Ive become an auntie during lockdown, and I’m counting the weeks until I can go up to Scotland and have a cuddle. I also really, really want to go to the seaside. 

I’m looking forward to exploring this new world and getting to know some other people who see the world the way I do.


Edited to get Yasmin’s name correct. 

Edited by falkie71
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Blue Eyes White Dragon

Welcome! I am glad you found us!! I absolutely adore Yasmin! I hope you enjoy it here and I am totally jealous of you being a librarian. I've always kinda wanted to be one lol


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Welcome! A librarian at a university huh? I guess you’re not the biggest fan of university students like me then? :P 


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Ooh, red velvet cake, yum! 😍 I’d let a student brining red velvet cake for the staff into my library. Just don’t get crumbs on the books!

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