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Thoughts about sex... before and after.


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CW/sexual activity. 

 

 

When I was younger, (Prior to my first sexual experience) I never really had the strong urge or desire to do it. (because duh, Asexual and didn't know it at the time). I grew up in a heavy religious environment and thought maybe it was just because it was a 'forbidden' thing to do. (Except I wanted to do so many of the other forbidden things, just not... THAT.)

 

I would feel nauseous as a child/young teen watching couples make out on television/movies. I thought it was religious. No, I think it was just my body telling me young... "stop, stay away." 


Before my first time experiencing sex, I thought my lack of desire was  "Well, maybe I just don't feel any desire because I've never had it?" And I thought this was normal.

I genuinely did not understand why other teenagers wanted something they weren't getting, and was also quite oblivious to the people around me who actually *were* 'getting' it. 

Like seven girls in my graduating class were pregnant, one with her second child. 

 

My prevailing thoughts on the subject were "Well... maybe I just don't want it because I've never had it. Like, people who've never had a can of Coca Cola then fall in love with it after drinking it the first time. Or like, that's how drugs are supposed to work? I don't know. Maybe doing the act makes you want it more often?" 
I had no idea. 
When I was around 20, I had sex the first time, more "to get it out of the way" than "because it was special." I barely knew the other person, we worked together, but we got along okay, so I was like, "Meh, what the hell?" And Meh, unimpressed. 

I've learned that I am a demisexual. Sex is still kind of gross.

and the one person I've developed my emotional attachment to, my current husband, I felt a bond with very early in our relationship. Even though we don't have an active sex life, it has been satisfying enough for me. 

 

I guess my questions here are.... has anyone else, prior to realizing they were ACE had some really STRANGE opinions about sex that they'd like to share? 

 

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So I'm not 100% sure if this is just me being a dumbass or a sign of being asexual, but....

 

I remember having learned that sex was preformed by inserting the penis into the vagina, and nothing more than that. I kind of thought from the expression "sleeping together" meant that you just kind of had to just, lay on top of the other person all night. I now know thats not how it works and I think I remember hearing at some time or another that people usually just "know" how sex is supposed to work (not 100% sure about that but definitely not how it worked for me). I also was vaguely aware that this was supposed to be pleasurable or entertaining to watch which I absolutely didn't get. 

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9 minutes ago, krusk said:

So I'm not 100% sure if this is just me being a dumbass or a sign of being asexual, but....

 

I remember having learned that sex was preformed by inserting the penis into the vagina, and nothing more than that. I kind of thought from the expression "sleeping together" meant that you just kind of had to just, lay on top of the other person all night. I now know thats not how it works and I think I remember hearing at some time or another that people usually just "know" how sex is supposed to work (not 100% sure about that but definitely not how it worked for me). I also was vaguely aware that this was supposed to be pleasurable or entertaining to watch which I absolutely didn't get. 

exactlyy

I was really surprised that sex was something more physical than cuddling a bunch in a bed

It took me even longer to find out that people actually did it on purpose, while they were awake

call me naive but I literally thought that the euphemism "sleeping together" combined with the fact that I knew people got pregnant on accident meant that sex was something that happened subconsciously while the people were asleep

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4 hours ago, MoonSedai said:

I guess my questions here are.... has anyone else, prior to realizing they were ACE had some really STRANGE opinions about sex that they'd like to share? 

I always thought sex was this thing that only men wanted and women just had to put up with. It just sounded so awful to me like it would hurt. I decided i didnt want to get married because i didnt want to be forced to have sex, and i felt sorry for women who were married. I know that sounds kinda dumb. 😝

I was surprised to learn later that many women enjoy sex and want it.

 

I've watched a few more sex scenes now on tv to try to understand how sex works. (I know they're probably not very realistic). I'm curious about sex but i still have this feeling inside that it would be really gross and messy and horrible. The whole thing just freaks me out 

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7 hours ago, krusk said:

So I'm not 100% sure if this is just me being a dumbass or a sign of being asexual, but....

 

I remember having learned that sex was preformed by inserting the penis into the vagina, and nothing more than that.

That, too. I couldn't work out the physics behind it, knowing anatomically where the body parts were. 

 

3 hours ago, KayleeK said:

I always thought sex was this thing that only men wanted and women just had to put up with. It just sounded so awful to me like it would hurt. I decided i didnt want to get married because i didnt want to be forced to have sex, and i felt sorry for women who were married. I know that sounds kinda dumb.

 

*Puts on her MA in Women's History Hat* You do not sound dumb at all, especially because marital r*pe wasn't outlawed anywhere in the United States until 1975, when Nebraska made it law. It only became a nationwide crime in 1993, and many people do not realize it *is* a crime.
Plus, popular culture and society seem geared to show men being the sexual creatures of our species. Men are the ones who want it, not women. Which is why soooo many people were disgusted by the style and such of 80s Madonna and the recent hit WAP. *takes it off*

 

 

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5 hours ago, MoonSedai said:

Plus, popular culture and society seem geared to show men being the sexual creatures of our species. Men are the ones who want it, not women. Which is why soooo many people were disgusted by the style and such of 80s Madonna and the recent hit WAP. *takes it off*

Yes so true. I think maybe i read too much and saw too many awful portrayals of sex on tv - often with the men raping women and the women seeming to be the ones always suffering and degraded.

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