Feeling wrong in my own body

[KayleeK]

I often have this feeling where I don't feel right in my body, a sort of detachment from it. I don't feel very womanly and dont like in any way to feel sexy, though i would like to feel attractive. I hate anything to do with my body and especially womens stuff - like i dont like to see myself naked, i can't stand periods, the idea of pregnancy grosses me out, i dont like dressing "sexy," sex freaks me out ....

 

I dont feel transgender, more like I want to be a kid again or in some gender neutral body without any sexuality. My body doesnt even feel like me, i look in the mirror and see a stranger. Sometimes i think we are all just souls travelling in these bodies and when we die we'll be free of them. I dont feel connected to my body or the world, like i'm already halfway to some other place where I can be free.

 

Anyone else ever have these feelings? Or maybe i'm just crazy ! 🤪

[Oberon Jasper]

This sounds like agender to me with the feeling genderless and wishing to be free in some gender neutral body, but as I don't identify as it I'm not the best person to make that call.

[Rhyn Corinn]

I think I have a more mild form of something similar to this. Most of the time I feel "ok" in my body but I think I feel more detached from it than the average person would. I don't feel grossed by my *area* but it doesn't feel like part of my body, just a thing I have that happens to be attached. I'm not a fan of seeing myself naked either (mostly I just feel 'meh' about it) probably for that reason.

[Borderline]

Just my thoughts & experiences. If it helps.

 

 I'm not super into my body, I don't hate it, but not really hyped about it either. It's familiar & like "ID-card" to peeps that know me. But neutrality has always resonated with me, tho I dunno what I'd like to do with my bod or anything. Beard growth is annoying, luckily mine is trash, but it's still there.  "Blue is for man & red is for woman" & I feel like. . . grey. But masculine aesthetic has been made to be the more neutral one & feminine is the more extra one, so. . . what's the neutral-neutral one? Eh, I'll just steer away from manly & womanly aesthetics, aka just stick to my hoodie & cargopants as always. Currently giving growing longer hair a chance, now's perfect time not to get haircut.

 Never have had any moments where I'd feel sexy, so can't give experiences from that (always been bit meatier + masculine body isn't' treated as such an sex-object that feminine one)

 If I believed in souls, I'd def be genderless thing, that takes tiny bit from the body it inhabits. New chance, new experience, new try with new body, does sounds neat. But only thing we can be sure of is that we inhabit these bodies now, we should make is feel as comfortable as possible.

 

 In a way, what you, even maybe what I have?? (not that passionate, but it's still there), can still be called transgender. Trans shouldn't mean "wants to be the opposite gender", but "wants to be,. . no, IS different gender than assigned at birth". But that's just terms & stuff.

 

 

 Your body is yours. And if you are. . . just a soul, just a thing, neutral, your body is a vessel of a neutral thing. It isn't feminine, it doesn't "shine pink", it's what ever "color you are or give to it".

 Try to use as neutral or plain products and clothes while not compromising comfort tooo much. Keeping care of your vessel is important, the tools aren't gendered, the products & brands are. Try change your color-palette. Short-hair or hats, different style of glasses if ye have those, scarf, gloves. No make-up or less traditional color-choices. Read on binding if curves stress you out. Baggy clothing, layers of clothes. If just looking your face in the mirror is bad, put a facemask on even in private.

 Try out neutral pronouns like They/Them, even in small internet community, or just among a close trusted person, maybe slowly spread it further, or not.

 Think of yourself as yourself, not as your body. Try to see bigger or narrower picture than just the flesh. Dunno.

 

 I dunno. Just trying to remember what I've read on managing body-dysphoria (I know a person with it, plus mildly considering my own situation)

 

 

Consider checking out stuff on Body Dysphoria or Body Dysmorphia. If it doesn't resonate, that's about that.

 

(Damn I write a lot every time I "open my mouth"  : D )

[KayleeK]

39 minutes ago, Borderline said:

Try out neutral pronouns like They/Them, even in small internet community, or just among a close trusted person, maybe slowly spread it further, or not.

Hmmmm 🤔 I think i'm ok with being a "she", but maybe more of a kid version 😁 I just dont like being a grown up and the kind of expectations that often come with being a woman - that you must be pretty and sexy and glamorous, that you must want to have children.... I think thats why I'm asexual too, sex is kinda about enjoying your body and someone else's, wheras i just feel more kinda disgusted by my body and sexual things.

 

41 minutes ago, Borderline said:

Consider checking out stuff on Body Dysphoria or Body Dysmorphia. If it doesn't resonate, that's about that.

Yes my mum thinks I have body dysmorphia. I have a skin condition and it makes me feel so ugly and gross. I use makeup to cover it on my face and try and pass as normal, but I still feel hideous. My mum says i make too much of a big deal about it and it isnt as bad i think. I'm on the thin side and she always says i have a "great figure" that many would like to have. I guess i should try to appreciate my body more, even just that i am able to do things like walk and see which not everyone is able to do. 

 

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to Gender Discussion

 

Janus DarkFox

Cover Welcome Lounge, Tea and Sympathy/(h)AVEN, Weekends Asexual Relationships, Current Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

[spencexists]

I feel exactly the same, I've looked in the mirror before and though "oh who the fuck is that?" or "oh. i guess thats what I look like" and I feel more connected to the voices in my head (holy shit. Whatever, so I talk to myself in my head.) than to my own body. 

[Quilly]

I relate to this mostly in a nonbinary/agender sort of sense. I’ve definitely had times in my life where I was uncomfortable with my body in the insecurities sort of way but recently I’ve come to appreciate parts of me I felt less okay with before but still have feelings I now understand as dysphoria- feeling uncomfortable when people call me girl, disliking my chest, general detachment from my body (especially when I feel more agender), and more. 

What helped me realize that I’m nonbinary was when I figured out I was more comfortable with they/she pronouns, and when I eventually came to the conclusion I didn’t feel fully cis and didn’t want to like as a cis female. My gender confused me a lot because I  am pretty sure I partially identify with my agab (I’m now questioning that again, but not as actively as I was my gender or sexuality previously). 

I don’t know if any of this helps but I wanted to offer my perspective. 

[KayleeK]

1 hour ago, Quilly said:

I relate to this mostly in a nonbinary/agender sort of sense. I’ve definitely had times in my life where I was uncomfortable with my body in the insecurities sort of way but recently I’ve come to appreciate parts of me I felt less okay with before but still have feelings I now understand as dysphoria- feeling uncomfortable when people call me girl, disliking my chest, general detachment from my body (especially when I feel more agender), and more. 

What helped me realize that I’m nonbinary was when I figured out I was more comfortable with they/she pronouns, and when I eventually came to the conclusion I didn’t feel fully cis and didn’t want to like as a cis female. My gender confused me a lot because I  am pretty sure I partially identify with my agab (I’m now questioning that again, but not as actively as I was my gender or sexuality previously). 

I don’t know if any of this helps but I wanted to offer my perspective. 

I guess there's alot of grey areas. Like its just far too simplistic to divide everyone into either male (super macho masculine person) and female (super pretty and sweet and feminine). Whatever your body is physically you can be a whole mixture of things on the inside. 

In the past gender roles were so much more definitive - from what clothing you wore, to your postion in society - people were much more stuck.  At least today in many western countries the boundaries are becoming much more fluid, so you dont have to fit into the box dictated by your gender.

Even the way some children are being raised now - offered all sorts of toys to play with rather then being told this is a girl's toy or this a boy's toy. And allowed to wear any clothes. I remember in high school the girls had to wear skirts which i couldnt stand wearing in winter because the stockings itched my legs so much. So my mum used the skirt material to make me some long pants! The school never complained because how could they when the boys were allowed to wear pants 😁 I didnt care that i was the only weird girl wearing trousers - i was comfortable. And i liked covering up, while some of the other girls were making their skirts as short as possible to look sexy! 😝

 

Maybe I have to try to remind myself that women dont all have to be the same.  It makes me think that most of my favourite tv characters are the women who arent the stereotyped "sexy" "pretty" ones. Eg Brienne and Arya from Gameofthrones, or Drummer from Expanse - actually all the women in that show are great (its a scifi series) ..... 

 

I guess I just dont like being reminded of my "womanly identity" when i see my boobs, or get my period ... that sorta thing 😝 Like if i was this genderless being or a kid again i wouldnt have to worry about all of that.

[Quilly]

10 hours ago, KayleeK said:

Like if i was this genderless being or a kid again i wouldnt have to worry about all of that.

Technically being genderless is an option… if you were to define yourself on a spectrum of genders drawn as a box with male being top left, all genders being top right, genderless being bottom left, and female being bottom right, where would you put yourself? 
 

(I don’t know if that helps you to imagine that per se but it was easier for me to figure out my gender when I was looking at gender in a way that there were thousands of choices instead of two)