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Testosterone HRT and Asexuality?


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I'm new here so bear with me, but I'm glad I found this forum because I've really been wanting to talk about this.

[This will be talking about "sexual health"-type aspects of being on T, idk if I need to put a warning for that but lmk if this is inappropriate for this forum and I'll delete/move it]

I'm trans (genderqueer) and aro-ace, and I've identified that way since middle school. I tried testosterone HRT when I was in high school, but after a few months I became really uncomfortable with the sexual aspects, specifically the sensitivity with the genital growth and the intensity of arousal. I'm sex-repulsed, so it was a deeply uncomfortable experience for me. I was also young and embarrassed, so instead of trying to find a solution, I just told my doctor I wanted to go off T.

I was okay with that decision for a long time, but I'm in college now, and I've been considering going back on T due to changes in my dysphoria. I think I'd be better equipped now to deal with changes that come with T, but I was wondering:

Any other sex-repulsed aces have experience being on T? Do these things get less uncomfortable and/or less intense after a while?

(I know everyone's different, I'd just like to hear some perspectives on it.)

Edited by zipper
bolding for emphasis
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Sarah-Sylvia

Heyy.

 

Not sex-repulsed, and not on T, I'm on E XD.  But what I do know is that in my case I lost a lot of libido and arousal, and while I'm glad about it, it's not something that's important to me,.. like if it'd been the opposite, I'd just considered it one of the less wanted aspects of the hrt. The question is is it worth it to you for the rest. Hormone therapy is a big deal and some changes are pretty big, so you have to want them enough. Some who're sex-repulsed are still able to deal with their libido/arousal by themselves but I have heard some people talk about how they'd just want to not feel that if they could. It's something you may have to deal with if you go on T again. And I think if someone gets more comfortable, it's more an internal thing, like they don't let it bother them as much. So you mainly have to decide what it is you want. just some of my thoughts ;)

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Grey-Ace Ventura

I'm told it mellows down in time, although I can't speak from experience because I've only been on T for like 2 months

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Hi zipper,

I understand your worries. I 'm a trans guy pre t and an s*x-repulsed ace and Im afraid what will happen when I start testosterone. I don't feel any s*xual arousal now and I don't won't to change this when I'm on t. I don't know what will be happen but it will be very strange and disgusting for me if my l*ibito change...

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On 4/9/2021 at 4:16 PM, LonleyAce said:

Hi zipper,

I understand your worries. I 'm a trans guy pre t and an s*x-repulsed ace and Im afraid what will happen when I start testosterone. I don't feel any s*xual arousal now and I don't won't to change this when I'm on t. I don't know what will be happen but it will be very strange and disgusting for me if my l*ibito change...

I definitely feel that. I don't have a lot of experience with this, but going off of my T experience in high school, it was more that what was already there got more intense. So I'm not sure if your situation would change if you already don't get any arousal. I guess it's just something you'd have to find out, unfortunately.

I wish people on T would talk about this more, though. I know it's a "taboo" subject, but it would be nice to hear other people's experiences and whether there are any good ways to cope with it.

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Yes it's a very important thing to talk about, especially ace people who are on or want to take testosterone..it's a difficult subject to talk about I think maybe because of the social pressure for some trans folks to fit in the genderroles of a "typical' masculine sexual positive guy...so they are afraid to say that they are ace and they don't like the s*ual libito effect of t...it's like the stereotype is men=very se*ual agressive and active...so that brings maybe insecuretis in some ace trans guy's identification..

Yes I would also like to have cope mechanisms in case the libito situation changes.

I really I'm afraid of that.

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On 4/14/2021 at 1:59 PM, LonleyAce said:

Yes it's a very important thing to talk about, especially ace people who are on or want to take testosterone..it's a difficult subject to talk about I think maybe because of the social pressure for some trans folks to fit in the genderroles of a "typical' masculine sexual positive guy...so they are afraid to say that they are ace and they don't like the s*ual libito effect of t...it's like the stereotype is men=very se*ual agressive and active...so that brings maybe insecuretis in some ace trans guy's identification..

Yes I would also like to have cope mechanisms in case the libito situation changes.

I really I'm afraid of that.

Yeah I think gender roles and stereotypes definitely play into it. I've also just heard the sentiment in general that it's "childish" to be uncomfortable with sex. It's projected onto everyone, but I think ace men are especially affected by it. Which sucks, because our sexuality isn't something we need to fix.

I'm really hoping someone who has experience with this will find this thread and give us some advice 😅

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Exactly it's not something that we need to fix! I personally feel complete in my indentity and never had a insecurity about me being asexual..I had only some thought how I can identify as a men  (I have bottom dysphoria) but don't want/need a p*nis because i feel like an non sexual being..(I have writtent about it in my first post here on the forum..)

Yes we need that advice! 

 

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anisotrophic

I was always sexual, but here’s my two cents...

 

It’s not uncommon for sexual orientation to change with transition. This may relate to a variety of factors — social roles, dysphoria relief, changes in the physiological experience with hormonal transition. (People can even *become* ace, formerly identifying otherwise!)

 

I’m in favor of having a very relaxed attitude towards that possibility. “If it happens, it happens. Not bad if it does, not bad if it doesn’t.”

 

On my part: fully aware of it, I wondered but felt absolutely no attraction to women... not a flutter. Until somewhat recently, 1.5 years into testosterone... I’ve begun to wonder about it, and I think I might be. It’s completely hypothetical, I’ve never been intimate with a woman, but I think something changed & maybe I’ll explore it someday.

 

I honestly didn’t know in advance. I’m a little worried I’m less attracted to men?? But I think best to just ... not worry about it? I can go off T if it bothers me (in my case I do think the T is playing a role here).

 

My cis husband isn’t very sexual (and his T levels are perfectly normal), I don’t believe in stereotypes of male sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with him, I love him for who he is.

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Calligraphette_Coe
14 hours ago, zipper said:

Yeah I think gender roles and stereotypes definitely play into it. I've also just heard the sentiment in general that it's "childish" to be uncomfortable with sex. It's projected onto everyone, but I think ace men are especially affected by it. Which sucks, because our sexuality isn't something we need to fix.

I'm really hoping someone who has experience with this will find this thread and give us some advice 😅

The things I could tell. From having to live in a somewhat male body that doesn't match my soul, to the plasticity of mind and body that kept me from the pit of depression. How after my worst CVAs and seeming to come back from the dead to find that plasticity that allowed me to admit to myself that it was always seeing something in men that could lite a fire in me that I could never put out. How men could make me go weak in the knees like women never could.

 

I guess I see those glimpses of Eros, but how much of my emotional life is lived in dreams more attuned to Agape. I think there's something about hormones that's like a tidal force that the humble moon exerts on the giant earth. And that's what gender roles feel like sometimes on what little sexuality I've ever had. I don't guess this is advice so much as deep feelings, but that's all I can think of to write.

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Hi anisotrophic,

I respect your opinion but I don't agree with that, sexual orientation doesn't change..yes after transition and being more comfortable with there bodies they can explore ther orientation but it was always there.

I personally as an s*x repulsed asexual  (I don't feel sexual attraction to anybody,sometime maybe one's in 6 months a slightly feeling of libito..but its more a annoying physical things..I don't do anything about it because it's 1.its so minimum 2. I'm s*x repulsed 3.it doesn't mean anything to me 4.its not towards people.)  feel comfortable with not having anything s*xual related in my life,I'm not a sexual being and I wouldn't know what to do if this physicaly annoying think (libito) would get worse on testosterone..it would be weard , disgusting and annoying for me. Because now s*xual stuff are not a part of my life and I like it this way. And that's this way for years (I'm was born in the 80s).
So I'm afraid of a chance after testosterone in this annoying, disgusting for me minimum physical feeling and not that I would suddenly feel attracted to someone.
 

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anisotrophic

@LonleyAce you can tag people using the “@“ symbol.

 

It’s perfectly ok to not desire sex. Nobody should feel they need to desire sex, with anyone at all. Repulsion and disgust to the idea of sexuality (even writing about it?) or sexual arousal ... I wouldn’t wish such distress on anyone, and would hope it’s something that goes away for you — and I’m sorry it sounds like it’s been a lifelong thing for you so far.

 

I’m skeptical that I was repulsed to the idea of sex with women prior to T. I was never repulsed and repressing it in any way I was ever conscious of, and have had no social pressure to do so. It’s possible highly unconscious stuff existed related to dysphoria or gender roles, but the main thing is: I’m not upset about anything in my sexuality, however it changes over time.

 

(As an aside: I’m older than you, I was born in the 70s.)

 

Sexual fluidity is a phenomenon or narrative that challenges the narrative of “born this way”, which has understandably been important in opposition to homophobic evils like conversion therapy.

 

Yes T increases the tendency for genital arousal. And it’s entirely possible to take care of it yourself. I’m sorry you feel disgust about it, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

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4 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

It’s perfectly ok to not desire sex. Nobody should feel they need to desire sex, with anyone at all. Repulsion and disgust to the idea of sexuality (even writing about it?) or sexual arousal ... I wouldn’t wish such distress on anyone, and would hope it’s something that goes away for you — and I’m sorry it sounds like it’s been a lifelong thing for you so far.

I'm pretty sure you don't mean this as a negative thing, but I'm kind of taking issue with it. There are plenty of aces who are sex-repulsed, and it's not something that should evoke pity. Sure, it can cause distress sometimes, but for the most part it's a neutral thing. I just steer clear of sexual content or discussions about sex, and that's perfectly fine for me. I wouldn't want to change that. Like, plenty of people are grossed out by a lot of different things, so why is it worse that I'm repulsed by sex?

Again, I know you probably mean well. Just, seeing someone apologize about a main facet of my sexuality kind of rubs me the wrong way. It's not a defect, it's just part of how I experience life.

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I never used forums before so I don't know how to tag or use this "quote" button, thanks for the tip ... But I still don't know how to use all off that :)

zipper explained all the situation in they last post very accurate and I agree full with that.

 

 

 

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Janus the Fox

I’m now a bit curious exactly when Testosterone blocks with Progesterone, the changes for me.

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Sarah-Sylvia
4 minutes ago, Janus DarkFox said:

I’m now a bit curious exactly when Testosterone blocks with Progesterone, the changes for me.

I don't have progesterone in my hrt. Even if it could be useful, it makes for even more breast growth, which I don't exactly want, but many trans women would. I'm surprised though because it's not a common treatment to have progesterone. Some think it should.

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On 4/5/2021 at 9:35 PM, zipper said:

Any other sex-repulsed aces have experience being on T? Do these things get less uncomfortable and/or less intense after a while?

...just wanted to re-emphasize the topic of this thread, since I haven't gotten many relevant answers yet, lol

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  • 3 months later...

Update: I'm on T! I decided to go on a low dose, which will make the changes gradual enough for me to decide whether I'm comfortable with it. I've only been on it for about 2 weeks, so I haven't seen changes yet. But for anyone else who had the same problem as me, microdosing/low doses can be an option :)

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  • 1 year later...

I’ve identified as aro/ace for 13 years but after being on T for a year, I think that’s changed.  I’ve never had a libido or any sexual inclination, which I understand is unusual for ace folks.  From my understanding, often ace people have a libido but it is directionless.  I was using the ace label because I identified with having no interest in sex largely due to a complete lack of drive or any experience with arousal, but maybe that wasn’t right.

 

In the middle of the night two weeks ago, I was woken up by the sensation that a switch had gone off in my brain and that part of me was suddenly activated. It took me an entire day to figure out what it was so I could do something about it.

 

Personally, I love it.  I feel so much more attuned to my body.  The only con is the ridiculous amount of bottom dysphoria (which I have also never had before) that came with it.  
 

It’s still a directionless drive, but I’m just getting used to it so maybe it will settle in a direction or not, who knows. Either way I’m happy.
 

Just wanted to jump on here in case any other folks who identified as ace and shared this experience know that they aren’t alone.

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