Confused if maybe grey-romantic?

[Cowgirl_Kat]

I've been going with heteroromatic asexual. Quite certain on the asexual part, but trying to figure out if maybe I'm somewhere in the grey-romantic area.

 

I've only every had crushes on men, but I can find any gender aesthetically pleasing. Figuring out that I had no sexual attraction for women was the first step in realizing I had none for anyone.

 

I want to have a close relationship with like cuddles, going on cute dates, a little hand-holding, and just silly having fun together (like hiking or playing MarioKart). IDK about kissing since I haven't had my first kiss, but I don't really like the thought of deep "sucking face" type kisses. I love the idea of romance in books and seeing adorable couples IRL, and want something similar. But being in a relationship has never been a very high priority. I'm 20, and I've never dated. I've tended to focus on my studies and my career goals, and it just never seemed important enough. I don't really put myself out there and I can't fathom just going on dates with virtual strangers. I've been asked out a time or two, but said no because I didn't feel any interest at all.

 

I've had very few crushes, less than a dozen ever including school-girl type crushes. The strongest romantic-like feelings I've had (and still do) are for my guy best friend. Which is confusing, because a lot of my feelings are like a strong friendship, but he's the only person I've wanted to have some sort of strong permanent connection with and can see in a way that seems to mirror romantic feelings. We went to Prom together when we were in high school, but when he asked me if he could kiss me I didn't want to, which was super confusing at the time since I didn't know as was ace at that point. Luckily he was chill about it. Since then we've become really close friends over the last couple of years. We trust each other almost implicitly. We know important personal things about each other. But it was super confusing before I realized I was ace (not quite a year ago). I was horrified when one of my other friends asked if it was a friends-with-benefits thing. But IDK it's confusing. IDK if I want to date or have a QPR?

 

IDK if I'm fully romantic or somewhere in the grey area. I don't seem as into dating as most people I know, but I don't think I'm aro.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

You're probably on a good track to find out more about how you are. It always takes to question more and then it can take some experiences to see what you really want.
I don't consider 'sucking face' to be romantic at all XD, I think affectionate kisses are. Cute dates sound fun. I think having an element of good friendship in a romantic relationship is really important. Just, when you meet someone you really like, maybe you'll find that the intimacy and affection you want to share will go further too, or maybe you'll see that it doesn't go too far off from what you'd do with a friend. I think it's rare enough that adults hold hands so to me something like that does feel at least a little romantic, and then it depends how far the intimacy goes. How close you feel and want to feel with them.

I do think that what you talked about could mean not being fully romantic, and at the very least could take more connection to feel like going deeper on intimacy with someone, or maybe you'd feel all you need is a more friendly qpr. I think only you will be able to find out. But I hope your search feels alright, and that you focus on being yourself, and don't struggle too much thinking you need to figure out everything in one go.

[433Mhz_]

You just described me

[DarkStormyKnight]

Yeah I relate to a lot of what you wrote about, mostly about wanting a relationship where you can do cute things together but not knowing where to begin with that and focusing on other things anyways. It is hard to tell if you're aromantic or there's just no one that you click with around! But really, if you think you might be aro-spec and it helps to try out gray-romantic for a bit, I'd go with that, the nice thing about the gray area is that a lot of different experiences fit in there. It can still work as a label whether you are in a relationship or not, whether you are currently experiencing romantic attraction or not.