Quick PSA about gender neutral terms

[spencexists]

Whenever I call someone "dude on the internet they always say "I'm a girl" and I was always so confused, apparently its only California.

So, here are a few terms that Californians use as gender neutral terms and everyone is confused by and if you hear a Californian call you this they aren't trying to misgender you: guys, dude, dudes, guy (like "that guy over there") and buddy. 

thank you and if you don't believe me heres a thing

on a side note my history teacher last year greeted us by saying "Greetings ladies and folks of the gentle most nature" and I think of that whenever I think of gender because he was a pretty great teacher.

[Lichley]

10 minutes ago, Ally123 said:

Greetings ladies and folks of the gentle most nature

Welcome, friends and enemies.

[Blue eyes white dragon]

Lol I always use dude, bro, bruh, boi gender neutrally but now I'm more conscious about that lol. Thanks to @Wanda, I think the best gender neutral term people should use is Bags of Flesh

[The Ivory Witch]

I thought "dude" being used in a gender-neutral way was an American thing, not specifically Californian, I guess not. 🤔

[BZA]

It came from surfers (and later skateboarders) in Southern California. But a lot of things that originate in California finds its way across the US (not all!) Mainly due to TV and movies I think.

[Morays]

10 minutes ago, The Ivory Witch said:

I thought "dude" being used in a gender-neutral way was an American thing, not specifically Californian, I guess not. 🤔

It's probably more common there, but I'm in New England (northeast U.S.) and use the word "dude" with great inclusiveness and regularity. I also routinely use "you guys/those guys" to refer to mixed-gender groups.

[LeChat]

Just now, SocialMorays said:

...I'm in New England (northeast U.S.)...I also routinely use "you guys/those guys" to refer to mixed-gender groups.

...same for my relatives...

 

Dude - Wikipedia

 

Quote

...variations of the slang began to pop up such as the female versions of dudette and dudines; however, they were short lived due to dude also gaining a neutral gender connotation...In the early 1960s, dude became prominent in surfer culture as a synonym of guy or fella. The female equivalent was "dudette" or "dudess". but these have both fallen into disuse and "dude" is now also used as a unisex term...

 

[quadfasciata]

I use those terms too, as most of my family lives on the west coast, and I lived there for three years or sowhen I was very young. I use the terms guy, dude, and bro loads irl, but online...eh. I'm okay if you call me any of these.

[Morays]

Honestly, it is pretty ironic, since I'll often use "dudes" in the specifically masculine sense too.

 

I think it ties into a larger trend in English of maleness being treated linguistically as the default, and women being a specific deviation from that default -- so male terms are automatically seen as more neutral than female ones. I unfortunately catch myself falling into this trap a lot, including defaulting to "he" pronouns with unknown people or with animals. Force of habit can drown out even the best of intentions.

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

I use dude and bro for everyone, but I also hear girl used a lot as a gender neutral term

[Carbon-12]

Same - I generally use bro, dude, you guys, amongst my friends because I know they're cool with it, but I think one should cater to their audience and be sensitive to the situation. For example, when I call someone dude and they say that they don't want to be called that, I go "ah, my bad, habit" and move on - I'm not going to try to explain to them that I use it gender-neutrally, because if they perceive it not to be, then that rightfully supercedes whatever I think about the word!

 

There is a difference between calling someone "dude" and "a dude", though 🤔

[dhjunglejape]

I spent 7 years in southern Cali and "dude" is the one thing I still use to this day for everything, including the kitchen sink.

[Acerna]

When I can help it I refer to strangers I don’t know the gender of as female. In online games where girls usually are assumed boys, it brings out the girls and the boys either ignore it or shout at me. Assume someone is female online and I feel like no matter their pronouns, they’ll state them

[Ceebs]

Mm yeah, 'dude' is pretty gender neutral to me as well. More masculine than feminine I suppose, but I use it for anyone.

[crazy ace]

Just a fair addition: some people do get their dysphoria triggered by the word "dude," although this isn't always the case.

 

[Missing]

2 hours ago, Grey-Ace Ventura said:

but I also hear girl used a lot as a gender neutral term

The more R’s there are, the more gender neutral it is. “Girrrrrrrrrl” could be referring to anyone; and if you turn the i into a u, it might be the most inclusive pronoun around.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Even if someone means it as gender neutral, I don't like being called dude, and I do point it out usually if someone does. Some try to explain that they don't mean it in a masculine way, but I strongly prefer that someone not use it for me. I'm not going to bash someone for it, but I might keep mentioning it because it still does matter to me.

[daveb]

ugh, I really dislike dude or bro  

[Blue eyes white dragon]

2 hours ago, Mackenzie Holiday said:

The more R’s there are, the more gender neutral it is. “Girrrrrrrrrl” could be referring to anyone; and if you turn the i into a u, it might be the most inclusive pronoun around.

You are forgetting gorl

[Aelin Galathynius]

And then there's my mum who calls practically everyone (including our pet, who is a girl) dude, but she makes sure to call me 'dudette' which is very uncomfy.

[Guest]

"Dude" is more of an interjection than a way to address somebody for me, but it is entirely contextual. I say "Dude!" to situations where I way says "Damn!". Another place that I use it is as informal way of acknowledging someone. "Dude" is not entirely gender neutral, but I say it to people (usually male) who I think of as "one of the bros". It's probably rude, but it's a habit I've had forever.

[Rainavatar]

I often use dude. (East coast here) but in reality it makes me uncomfortable but I’m afraid to tell people about my pronouns because people will “disagree “ with them for “cultural “ reasons. Or they’ll state that they is for more than one person or say “hi, they” and use them incorrectly. It’s been six months. Get it right. 

[Elevn]

I don't live in the US but 'dude' or 'bro / bruh' was used a lot between my friends (who are girls) and I. "Hey guys," was also used all the time by my classmates during high school and it was an all-girls school. 😅

[Karst]

I like to use comically formal terms like "individual".  It's a habit I get from my father.

[anisotrophic]

I don't see that it's helpful to tell someone "there are people that use it this way". I can tell someone "niggard has nothing to do with nigger"... OR or I can just ... avoid "niggardly" and reach for another word.

I mean yeah sure "guys" is used collectively in a gender neutral way? Pretty sure people know that? What are we learning here? I think it's disingenuous to argue that there is no gender association. I really do think "Morgan is a great guy!" is going to be interpreted as male. "Morgan's a cool dude." ... this despite the name having become significantly more popular for girls than boys.

It's a reflection of the patriarchal nature of society. In some languages the pluralizations become male the moment a single male is involved. Because femininity is a slight to masculine individuals, masculine becomes "gender neutral" as the more respectful linguistic default. Whether you want it to or not, calling a group "gals", "women", or "ladies" when there's a male in it is liable to be understood as an insult.

And maybe that helps soften the blow. People are often defaulting to masculinity out of respect in the face of uncertainty. But that's also sad, and the subtle sexism in "male-default" language is reason enough for me to want to try to avoid these patterns.