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Insane_Shadow

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Insane_Shadow

hello

this is insane_shadows boyfriend of sorts on his screen name. i noticed that he comes to this site and i figured i might as well ask to see what u charming people might be able to come up with.

i have liked insane_shadow for about 10 years and have been "going out" with him for around 5. now every thing would be nice and happy if there wasnt the problem of him being asexual and me being very sexual.

we are extreamly close, but the fact that we will never be able to even get close to each other as even hugging scares him, bothers me. and furthermore, he knows that it bothers me and its tearing him apart, even to the point of being extreamly suisidal.

i dont really know what i should do and i was wondering if any one here has any advice or sugestions or is even able to say that they relate. yeah...

thats about it and im sorry if i wasted your time.

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I say this more and more since I've joined this sight. I understand your need for physical intimacy, as I'm sure Insane Shadow understands it too. That's why it tears him up to not feel that same need as you. It's important for you to recognize, I think, that there are some things that different from couple to couple and this is one of them.

My advice is up your communication. As some of the other members on the boards here, I've noticed, have said communication between an asexual and a sexual in a relationship is crucial. You have to discuss your boundaries, what your each willing to compromise, and of course, what you will never sacrifice. This mediation will hopefully open up possible solutions to your dilemma here.

Also, I should mention that there are other ways to display affection without physical touch. Words of affirmation ("I love you," "You're wonderful,"...etc), intimate discussion about personal feelings (Hm, see above paragraph. ^.^), and spontaneity (surprise gifts, dinners...etc) are a few other ways that you can most certainly express yourselves.

I know you want physical touch and crave that form of intimacy. That's why I cannot answer your question, because Insane Shadow has his own boundaries and limitations that I cannot predict or presume to know. But I hope you up the communication and continue to work for this worthwhile relationship.

Good luck, and how fortunate he is to have such a compassionate boyfriend!

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I know you want physical touch and crave that form of intimacy. That's why I cannot answer your question, because Insane Shadow has his own boundaries and limitations that I cannot predict or presume to know. But I hope you up the communication and continue to work for this worthwhile relationship.

This is really well said, Oracle. I'm in a similar situation, Shadow, and it's not easy for either party. Communication is key, and it may not be possible to compromise on certain key things (sexuality seems to be difficult to compromise on).

I wish you luck. Aven can be helpful. It's great you're both here.

-Chiaroscuro

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Insane_Shadow

ahhhh DIETER!!

WHY DID U POST!!!!!!

EMERESING !!!!

the whole world dosnt need to know our problems...

im almost ashamed to come on this site now!!!

ahhhhhh

that wasnt very thought full

sigh...

am i that unimportant that u can just shout out everylittle thing about us...

*tear*

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Nalle Neversure

Insane_Shadow:

Don't kill your bf for posting. Just punish him some naughty way :wink: .

It may not have been that much thought full to do, but at least he is trying to understand. And that's a good start.

Good thing is that you are anonym on the internet.

-Laura

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Yes that's better than a lot of peoples partners. Beside that's partly what AVEN is for is to have a place to talk about these things.

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Insane_Shadow

0_o to even think of doing that....

and i know that what this place is for but he didnt have to mention be being suisidal..

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Insane_shadow, nobody here judges you. It is all okay. Not sure what to think about your boyfriend posting on your account without your knowledge but it seems he meant well.

As for the physical intimacy thing...I wonder if there could be a substitute? I myself love physical affection, but I also have this thing with just touching foreheads. I saw it in in the Kama Sutra, of all places. You sit cross-legged without touching any other body part , and lean forward until your foreheads touch. It sounds silly but it is really quite intimate feeling, and not invasive at all, and of course can be done without the cross-legged part once you figure out how not to bang heads. So what I am wondering is if you can find alternate means of physically expressing intimacy that do not make you uncomfortable. Just a thought. I know it would not be the same as a hug to a physically affectionate partner, but it could be SOMETHING.

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TheOtherDibbler

Hey, he cares enough to come here to seek advice and understanding and try to work things out - that doesn't sound to me like you mean little to him. And like M51 said, no one here will judge you. But I can totally see why you'd be upset about him divulging personal information about you that you didn't want people to know.

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