PrimeJelly Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 So demisexuality is the same as asexuality but the difference is that sexual attraction happens years after being in a close relationship with someone. Asexuality vs demisexuality; I get the difference between the two but my question here is how does one know? What I mean by this is if say an ace person is with their partner and feel very non sexual feelings towards them then all of a sudden they develop sexual feelings out of the blue years after being strictly ace?? How does this work? Side note: I'm not questioning my asexuality. I'm 100% certain I'm asexual but I'm still curious about some things for other ace-spec stuff. I want to be educated and I definitely mean no offense! 💜 Link to post Share on other sites
VeryAsexyIndeed Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 Hmm I guess there is no way to really know until it happens, or doesn’t🤔not that I know of at least. And it’s fine if it happens. Labels are there to help describe your current feelings so if one realize something new about oneself and realize that the current label doesn’t fit anymore, then they change labels if they want to, no big deal. If someone realizes that they suddenly feel sexual attraction after having identified as ace for a time, then that’s totally fine, they’ve learned something more about themself and that’s good💖🌈 Link to post Share on other sites
GingerRose Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 People tell me you know, if you've never had any crushes on people, until you have gotten to know them well. But then again, this is not absolute, because you know life just isn't that easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 Moved to The Grey Area, Sex and Related Discussions Janus DarkFox Cover Tea and Sympathy/(h)AVEN, Weekends Asexual Relationships, Current Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
CapoFantasma97 Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 From what I've read and heard, it happened that some Ace people would turn out to be Demi or in the gray, by experiencing relationships they didn't have the chance to before. Also, sexual fluidity is possible. Everything around this is quite unclear and not studied enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 I have Aphantasia and this limits my ability to become attracted https://www.vice.com/en/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like Before I met my wife I had never been attracted to anybody and whilst I have been with my wife (for 30 years) I have never been attracted to anybody else. I regard myself as Demisexual The way our relationship began was as friends. Her best friend is my brothers wife. My wife was invited to many family get togethers and we lived local and saw a lot of each other, eventually, believe it or not we ended up working at the same premises. Anyway, during this friendship time we learned a lot about each other and it became clear that we both enjoyed many of the same things, same places, etc. Also, because we were sharing my brothers family, my friend began to feel like she was one of the family, like an in-law so to speak, because she kind of was, because of her friend being my brothers wife Anyway, we decided to date but my wife did not want sex. Not because she is Asexual but because she had had a really bad time with her ex. She made it clear from the start she was only interested in a romantic relationship, not sexual. I did not bother to mention anything at this stage other than to say that is fine by me For just over two years our relationship progressed in this way. Eventually though, I started to become sexually attracted to her and eventually our relationship became a sexual relationship Hope this is helpful Link to post Share on other sites
Catsong Posted March 15, 2021 Share Posted March 15, 2021 I'm not sure there is any way to really know that you're demisexual until you experience sexual attraction. Otherwise, it really is just the same as being asexual. Personally, I wasn't even in a 'relationship' with the one person I experienced sexual attraction to (and later had a sexual relationship with) before I became attracted to him. We were friends for quite a while before that though. I was 21 at the time, and had suspected that I might be asexual since high school, though it was never something I gave much though to. It simply wasn't important to me. But, I also consider myself demiromantic, so I don't feel any need to be in a romantic/non-sexual relationship. While a close relationship is necessary for a demisexual to develop sexual attraction, there's certainly no guarantee that sexual attraction will ever occur, even after many years of a close relationship. I have a number of very close friends, but I have only ever become sexually attracted to the one. And that relationship occurred over 20 years ago! I've been effectively asexual since then and have never felt myself lacking anything (which I attribute to the demiromantic aspect). That doesn't change my identifying as demisexual, however (now that I've discovered the term!), since I know that I Can experience sexual attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
PrimeJelly Posted March 16, 2021 Author Share Posted March 16, 2021 3 hours ago, Marlow1 said: For just over two years our relationship progressed in this way. Eventually though, I started to become sexually attracted to her and eventually our relationship became a sexual relationship Hope this is helpful That is so sweet and hella adorable!! The relationship you have with your wife sounds like one from a romantic-comedy movie. It is so genuine and pure, awh~ 💜 I wish you both a lot of happiness in your personal lives! The article was very informative and I've heard of this symptom before but never bothered to research more about it and now that I have... All I can say is just, wow. This is just beyond shocking. How do you deal with it? (if you don't mind answering but if you do, then its totally okay not to answer me) Also, yeah you definitely helped with my understanding about demisexuality. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted March 16, 2021 Share Posted March 16, 2021 @PrimeJelly, I now identify as demi, having previously identified as Asexual, so this is how it happened in my case. Other people's experiences may differ. I never experienced any romantic or sexual attraction to anyone, fairly typical description of aro-ace. Someone who I met at AVEN meets and I became friends, then travelling companions. Next level was really wanting to be with her all the time. At the end of meetups there was more feeling of "I don't want to leave you " than with the rest of the group. Eventually the feeling when we went our separate ways became almost physical. We'd chat for hours on WhatsApp, make each other laugh, and visit, still purely platonic, separate bedrooms when at each other's house. Then one evening, walking home, she took my hand in hers and (cliché) everything changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 On 3/16/2021 at 1:46 AM, PrimeJelly said: That is so sweet and hella adorable!! The relationship you have with your wife sounds like one from a romantic-comedy movie. It is so genuine and pure, awh~ 💜 I wish you both a lot of happiness in your personal lives! The article was very informative and I've heard of this symptom before but never bothered to research more about it and now that I have... All I can say is just, wow. This is just beyond shocking. How do you deal with it? (if you don't mind answering but if you do, then its totally okay not to answer me) Also, yeah you definitely helped with my understanding about demisexuality. Thanks! I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply but I wanted to find a video that does explain things well in regards to Aphantasia and other related conditions. There is not anything about Asexuality or Demisexual here since the scientists involved in these studies are not really aware that folk are claiming a link, nonetheless though this video does cover a lot and does explain our experiences well. They also touch on Hyperphantasia which is the other end of the spectrum, some porn addicts, and folk with Relationship/sexual OCD seam to be describing Hyperphantasia to me, I really do wish there was a scientist that would look into these claims, I am not the only person within the Aphantasia community to notice these things (1337) Professor Adam Zeman - 'Phantasia: the psychological significance of visual imagery extremes’ - YouTube Link to post Share on other sites
Mystxx uwu Posted April 13, 2021 Share Posted April 13, 2021 Just like some of the people in this thread, most of them initially start out identifying as asexual until they experience attraction towards someone, especially when it's an attraction that has formed over the course of time. Every demisexual has different experiences, but for me personally, when I stopped identifying as ace to be a demisexual/romantic, I thought I wasn't ace at all anymore and that I was allosexual. That is, until I started seeing other people I know still get crushes even when they started dating, and any minor "crush" (if it even counts as a crush and not a squish) I would've formed before my relationship just faded off almost entirely. Also, I just go by demi because I'm personally more repulsed to the thought of being attracted to someone I barely know, but like I said it could still vary depending on the person. Also, since I still lean in more for aces/aros than allos, that could explain why I use the term "demisexual". Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.