thanksbutno Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 Does anyone struggle with feeling unloveable (due to depression/self-esteem) and being sad about it... while also not desiring a romantic relationship and not being sure what it is that they want afterall? It’s so confusing. It’s really sad too. I think queerplatonic things are most reassuring in theory, but they are so hard to accomplish in a world were “everyone” is allo. Desolation station innit. Link to post Share on other sites
thanksbutno Posted March 8, 2021 Author Share Posted March 8, 2021 I guess what I’m asking is how do people deal with it? I don’t really have friends I can truly rely on. Meditation helps me sometimes, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Black Tourmaline Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 meditation is great and it helps me a bunch. please keep up with that! it's frustrating to me that deep mutual love is only "supposed" to exist in the context of a romantic/sexual relationship. can't we love our friends as deeply or deeper than one does a sexual partner? it's maddening really. it feels like people used to be deeper generally...i have had some really intense friendships bitd but folks seem so shallow and concerned with themselves to truly love each other IRL anymore. i feel super lonely a lot of the time and i have a hard time making friends, especially because my interests are controversial/obscure (Torah, Japanese Idols, anime). folks don't seem to be ready to accept others unless they agree 100 percent on everything. either i'm too religious (i'm Noahide) or my weeb interests freak people out, or the fact that i don't drink/smoke and i am vegan makes some sort of separation...i really get the feeling that i'm disappearing or turning invisible sometimes...it's been simply amazing meeting people on this site (but even here my interests are obscure). i am so much longing for some friendships IRL...just a few friends would be great! anyway, it's double tough right now because of COVID lockdowns...meanwhile...dealing with things primarily through AVEN and getting deep with my Torah study and prayer life. Link to post Share on other sites
thanksbutno Posted March 8, 2021 Author Share Posted March 8, 2021 28 minutes ago, Black Tourmaline said:it's frustrating to me that deep mutual love is only "supposed" to exist in the context of a romantic/sexual relationship. can't we love our friends as deeply or deeper than one does a sexual partner? it's maddening really. it feels like people used to be deeper generally...i have had some really intense friendships bitd but folks seem so shallow and concerned with themselves to truly love each other IRL anymore. One of the problems for me is that the other person/friend will start to date someone eventually and I will feel left behind. This makes me feel resentful with myself about being aroace and wishing I was like “everyone else” because I’m not enough, they need something else. 34 minutes ago, Black Tourmaline said: I feel super lonely a lot of the time and i have a hard time making friends, especially because my interests are controversial/obscure (Torah, Japanese Idols, anime). folks don't seem to be ready to accept others unless they agree 100 percent on everything. either i'm too religious (i'm Noahide) or my weeb interests freak people out, or the fact that i don't drink/smoke and i am vegan makes some sort of separation...i really get the feeling that i'm disappearing or turning invisible sometimes...it's been simply amazing meeting people on this site (but even here my interests are obscure). i am so much longing for some friendships IRL...just a few friends would be great! anyway, it's double tough right now because of COVID lockdowns...meanwhile...dealing with things primarily through AVEN and getting deep with my Torah study and prayer life. Yeah on one hand it’s great that someone has deep interests but on the other hand it restricts the number of people you share it with. The older I get the more I realize that friendships can be built on shared life experiences not just on interests. I’m glad your prayer life is helping you cope Link to post Share on other sites
kimbo21 Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 Yes yes I feel this! Sometimes it feels like a horrible dark hole that I can’t get out from. But the way that I deal with it is trying to get as many little happy moments that I can. And practicing gratitude as much as possible. I think it’s so important to consciously think about the things that we have and the things that our sexuality doesn’t negate. We can still have friendships, adventures, memories, great books, brilliant movies, hobbies, travel, nice food. We can still have lovely moments laughing, thought provoking conversations. I try to see the positive as much as I can. But sometimes, things do feel like crap and I think it’s ok to accept that you’re definitely not alone in your feelings Link to post Share on other sites
TheaTheMoon Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 This this this!! I'm currently in college and most of my friends here enjoy going out on the weekends (I don't really) and almost all of them are in relationships (being ace, this can be a bit more complicated for us), leaving me alone a lot of the time. They're all wonderful people but sometimes I wonder how we even became friends, considering we're so different, and that can feel very isolating. I find learning about new things helps me cope more than anything. Watching lectures posted to YouTube, documentaries, and reading books helps me take my mind off of things like nothing else. Although, a healthy cry is also pretty helpful every once in a while. I'm glad you've found that meditation works for you; I've never tried it before but next time I'm feeling down I'll give it a shot . Everyone's journey is deeply personal but I don't think that means that we're alone. Link to post Share on other sites
𝗺𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗶t Posted March 8, 2021 Share Posted March 8, 2021 sometimes feeling odd or sad maybe but i continue run and draw etc. take some cake 🍰 -michit psta: this very short story Link to post Share on other sites
RacheI Posted March 9, 2021 Share Posted March 9, 2021 I don't deal with it, frankly. Don't get me wrong, I try to, but whether it's loneliness or the much more (for me) standard depression, there doesn't seem to be much I can do. Eventually it just goes away. Keeping up healthy habits, appreciating small things in life (that's intuitive for me though, I could never keep it up otherwise), meditation or journaling; I don't doubt they help me stay more afloat. But I've never been able to turn it around with sheer effort or something. Link to post Share on other sites
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