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Abroromantic but how do you explain that to someone else?


Oberon Jasper

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Oberon Jasper

I tried to explain I was abroromantic* (someone who's romantic orientation is fluid and changes between different ones) and she didn't really understand. I flip between cupioromantic/aromantic, attraction to men and non-binary people, and some others I have yet to label. It's hard for me to explain to others because sometimes I can feel romantic experience and sometimes I can't. It's something very personal that I can feel inside me when I know I can feel it and when I am incapable of it... but other people don't understand and tend to invalidate it...

I was just wondering if any other abro's share this experience or how I could better explain my experience?

Any advice from anyone is welcome or questions.

 

 

 

*could also use the label polarromantic in which it shifts between extreme attraction to no attraction

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Grey-Ace Ventura

If you don't know someone all that well and your orientation just comes up in passing, you could possibly say you're biromantic because of your attraction to men and nbs, since that's part of your experience. You said yourself that it's very personal and you know when your attraction changes, so if you don't feel comfortable explaining it in great detail or simply can't explain it in a way that someone else would understand, you definitely don't have an obligation. If you're wanting to explain it to someone you're quite close to and want to open up to on the other hand, maybe you could explain it like wanting certain kinds of food. Prior warning: I'm not sure if this is entirely how being abro works, but even if this isn't quite right, I hope at least the structure gives you an idea of how you could explain it. You might feel like you could go for, let's say cake, at the moment, so it's possible that if you went to the store and saw a cake you really liked, you'd buy it. But it's also possible that a few minutes before you arrive at the store, you feel your ability to desire any cake just vanish completely and when you go into the store, you can't find a single one appealing and couldn't even imagine getting any of them.

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Oberon Jasper

@Grey-Ace Ventura

I haven't used biromantic because I think most people take it face value to mean attraction to all genders rather than actually meaning two. Though it would follow under that label. (The particular friend I was talking to I've known for about 8ish years now).

That food analogy actually describes it really well. Like when your really craving something and go to pick it up the next day, but now you can't because it makes you feel a little nauseous even though you know you usually like it and can, but something about it makes it impossible on that day.

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Oberon Jasper

Edit: after doing some research Torenromantic is someone only attracted to men and non-binary people.

I'd probably still use a different label to tell others, but that one works for that part personally for me.

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Grey-Ace Ventura

If you'd rather not use torenromantic when telling others, maybe you could instead say you're attracted to men and nbs

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You know, it's very normal for people who are any form of bi/pan to fluctuate in terms of what gender(s) they are attracted to.  It's common to have some degree of fluidity.  So i'd say bi/panromantic works just fine.  You do you though.

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  • 5 months later...

I am having a similar feeling. But I lable myself as gay because I'm Sexually attracted to men however, sometimes I think I'm asexual or something. But its harder to explain... like, I feel sexual attraction but sometimes I only feel romantically attracted to the person or I feel like just nonsexual platonic attraction. It fluctuates a lot within my relationships and its almost bipolar feeling 😅. Idk if there's a word for it, and I don't think/know if its abrosexual... or if there's just something wrong with me. Its ruined a lot of my relationships and most people don't understand. Which I get, because I don't even understand what's going on when I have these weird episodes within my relationships. I've searched for someone else who feels the same or at least similar to maybe help me figure out if its normal but no one seems to really feel the same way... this is the closest I've seen to someone saying they expirence this similarly.

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