Jump to content

How does family feel about asexuality


Logandus

Family Feelings about asexuality  

103 members have voted

  1. 1. Which Child are You?

    • Oldest
      40
    • Youngest
      31
    • Only
      20
    • Middle
      10
    • Other
      4
  2. 2. Are you still closeted to your family?

    • Yes
      60
    • No
      48
  3. 3. If you came out to your family, who did you come out to first?

    • Sibling
      29
    • Parent
      39
    • Aunt/Uncle
      1
    • Cousin
      2
    • Did not come out to family
      37
    • Grandparent
      1
  4. 4. Do you have any lgbtq+ family members

    • Yes
      40
    • No
      65
  5. 5. Do you or did you feel safe coming out to your family

    • Yes
      70
    • No
      40

This poll is closed to new votes


Recommended Posts

Do your families accept you, and if you are still closeted, do they seem accepting of the lgbtq+ community?

Link to post
Share on other sites

They tend not to care about the lgbtq topic. My family is okay with me, but they think this is just a phase, and I will grow it out (mom and grandma is the only one I came out to, grandma was positive, mom laughed on me, but still said OK) . The biggest problem with my family is that I'm somewhat cupiosexual, and would like to have a girlfriend. I feel that I will never be able to talk about this topic openly, especially with my overly judgemental extended family :(

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Still closeted to all but one member. My parents don't talk about the LGBT+ community, but the radio shows and videos they listen to suggests they wouldn't accept me. I don't know how they'd react, but I can't risk getting kicked out. Though I could be getting this all wrong, there's a decent chance they think I'm gay and don't know how to bring it up. 

 

Kind of want to tell my grandparents, I'm pretty sure they'd accept me, but I don't know how to bring it up. My grandma was the first person who told what it meant to be gay and that being gay is alright...

 

brb going to call my grandma. 

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

I told, they didn't believe me. That's as far as it's gotten.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
fooledbysecrecy

i first came out to one of my sisters and she was ok with it. years later my dad once asked on a skype call "btw i've been wondering since you got that rainbow flag in your fb profile, what's your sexual orientation?" so i came out to my parents then. they were thankfully ok with it too. but if he hadn't just asked Like That i might still be closeted to them, lgbt+ issues were never something i could have brought up with my parents, purely because i had zero idea how they would feel about such things. i don't have any queer family members, i wish i did. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I told my dad and mom, my mom was understanding and my dad pretty much didn't react and ignored it completely and I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe such a thing exists. Anyway I'm relieved in a way that i could just come out but at the same time it is disturbing that my dad doesnt understand that it is a real feeling 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross

Haven't told them, don't plan to either, especially being the eldest which often comes with this unwritten rule that you must the lead example i.e follow blindly in your parents footsteps

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm the eldest and I told them years ago. First parents, then they shared the news with siblings and aunts/uncles/cousins.

 

My parents took time to get used to the idea, but eventually did. As for the extended family, they either took it well or are playing it cool by not asking much, which is fine by me.

 

I should mention I'm the LGBT+ black sheep, everyone else to my knowledge is vanilla straight and married with kids :P 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Purple Red Panda

My Dad was supportive and actually quite interested. Possibly because I came out aged 39 it didn't seem like that big a deal in telling him.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I couldn't fill out everything on the survey because it's kinda messy with me & my family, lol. My answers would be something like:

1. Youngest

2. Kinda, sorta, not really? It's complicated.

3. I'll elaborate on this in a moment.

4. Don't know. I suspect that my brother may be a fellow aroace, but he doesn't care enough to talk about it openly.

5. Depends on which family members we're talking about.

 

The elaborated answer to 3#:

I had an actual "coming out" moment with my mom only because I knew that she would have the hardest time understanding it, tbh. She comes from a conservative Christian family and is the "most traditional" out of all of my immediate family members (but much more progressive on social issues than the rest of her side of the family, hence why I felt safe coming out to her), and I knew that she would demand a full explanation if I were to politely request that she stop asking me about attractive men & quit calling me "her girl". I know that she still loves me no matter what (and I'm grateful for that!), but even a few years after coming out to her, I still have to remind her periodically that I'm not "her little 'hetero daughter'", and that can be mildly irksome at times. She'll probably never get the hang of it entirely, but I'm patient with her, and I guess that she's getting a little better; at least she's not asking me about handsome coworkers anymore, LOL.

 

There's absolutely no way I would ever come out to the rest of her side of the family, though, because like I said, they're ultra-conservative rednecks who would probably chase me off their property with a gun if I dared to speak of such liberal heresy. Thankfully, though, they live out-of-state, and I only ever see or talk to them once every few years (or less often than that, if I'm lucky *cough*)

 

I came out to my aunt (dad's sister) about my gender identity only because she asked me one too many questions about gender once, and I had no reason to lie to her. I don't know how she leans politically, but she was very accepting, and she even asked what my preferred pronouns were before I even got to that point. So that was nice! (I still haven't told her about my aroaceness, though; I just don't feel the need to tell her about that, but based on how well she handled me telling her about my gender, I feel that I can at least trust her if it ever comes up)

 

Then, finally, there's my dad and my brother. I think it's sort of heavily implied that I'm not a "straight cis woman", but I never felt the need to "officially" come out to them, because they're super chill and have almost never treated me in a cis-heteronormative way to begin with. If I were to come out to either of them, they'd probably give me a puzzled look and say, "...And why are you telling us this? You know we love you no matter what." So I guess I'm pretty lucky in that regard. :')

 

And, like I said in #4, I suspect that my brother miiiiight be a fellow aroace (or somewhere on that spectrum?) because he's only ever dated once, and he hasn't dated anyone else ever since he broke up with his ex well over a decade ago. (And, coincidentally, his favorite colors are black & purple paired together, LOL) But like I said, he just doesn't care at all about the topic, so we don't talk about it. (It was a pretty bad break-up, so it could just be that he's never fully recovered from it.)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Logandus said:

Do your families accept you, and if you are still closeted, do they seem accepting of the lgbtq+ community?

My sister accepts it. My dad doesn't mind at all but I have not came out to him. My mum on the other hand is really homophobic though she says she isnt. SHE IS. My grandparents make jokes about sexualities and my cousin doesn't even know what most of the lgbtq+ is. My step-dad thinks sexuality is a choice and thinks it's untraditional/strange. The only two people I've came out to is my sister (positive response) and my cat Bramble (I know that is kind of weird but it helped me get confidence to tell my sister. I am probably not telling my mum or step-dad ever. And to keep it from them, I must keep it from my grandparents too even though they wont mind. I just think their jokes arent that funny and more offensive to the LGBTQ. They don't know this and not all the time are the jokes harmful.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien

It turns out I’m not LGBT+ but I identified as asexual for several years until my mid 20s. I came out to my mom when I was 18 or 19. It explained a lot for me at the time, just didn’t stay true. My mom is my only relative that I consider family. I’m not in contact with anyone else and I’m an only child. My mom said “Okay” and asked me about dinner. I sent her literature to read and she read it. She’s been to Pride events and has way more LGBT+ friends than I have friends full stop. One of the few relatives she still talks to his her cousin who is gay. (Like so Gay™️ - we flew from New Jersey to Arizona when I was little to visit him when his then partner died from AIDS. He lives in France now and is married to a Frenchman.) Two of our closest family friends is a married same sex couple. It wasn’t really ever a question of safety or acceptance, just awkwardness because we never talked about sex or crushes or dating or anything remotely feelings-y. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
a little annihilation

I've come out to my grandma because she and her husband are the only liberals in my family, and I came out to my mom on accident although I was going to eventually anyways because a while before she said that if I was lgbtqia+ it would be ok. Everyone else in my family is a disgusting homophobic bitch and they prolly won't find out until I get married or some time when I'm an adult.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Black Tourmaline

there's no option in the survey for having come out to just some of your family...i came out to one of my sisters and not to my other sister or my parents.

my one sister has been extremely supportive and interested in discussing it. i don't think my parents would understand or even believe me. my other sister is too politically correct to talk to me (because i believe in God and study Torah). i only talk to her a few times a year and very superficially (at family events) although my niece (her daughter) could potentially be supportive as she has come out to us as bi-curious.

almost everybody i have bothered to come out to has kind of blown it off as if either ace isn't a real thing or that it somehow demeans LBGTQ people to come out as ace. at this point, i don't really feel like coming out to folks if it involves a whole complicated thing about convincing people that ace is a real thing and trying to explain what it is. people around me (at work and such) at least realize that i don't want to talk about sex things and that i am "celibate" (not exactly true or untrue). unless i was somehow potentially getting involved in a relationship (which seems unlikely to happen) i don't feel that i will come out unless it comes up in conversation. i wouldn't ever deny it, but for now it's kind of not something i feel i need to broadcast.

Link to post
Share on other sites
riskygamble

Coming out to family as gay was already enough for me. I don't think I'll bother with the ace topic unless under certain circumstances where it warrants explaining but I don't see that happening to be honest.

Link to post
Share on other sites

1. Oldest 

 

2. They don’t know I’m bi and ficto, but around 8 years ago I thought I was a lesbian and my mom and sister knew.

 

3. When I thought I was a lesbian I told my sister first, and then she blurted it out to our mom 😑. I also at one point thought I was aro ace and I didn’t straight up come out but I did once tell my mom that I was just happy staying single, and she told me “Well as long as you’re happy that’s okay”.

 

4. My dad is actually the only heterosexual in my immediate family. My sister and I are both bi and our mom is a lesbian (she didn’t realize she was gay until after she had me and my sister in case you’re wondering how the hell we exist). Yeah, even in those circumstances I’m hesitant to disclose my sexuality to my family because I’m just a private person I guess. My dad also has a cousin who’s gay so I’ve got at least one extended family member who’s LGBTQ+ as well.

 

5. If I came out to my mom, step-mother (mom’s wife), my sister, and my maternal grandmother as bi they’d probably be supportive, considering they’re already supportive of my sister, but I think they’d probably think I was a weirdo if I told them I was ficto lol. My sister has told our dad that she was bi and he was just like “No you’re not”. For the record he and my mom are on good terms and he doesn’t seem to have a problem with other gay people, but I think he’s one of those people who thinks bisexuals are confused or something. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Totally open about it, easy as with the exception of stepdad our family are chill with anything legal 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Rhyn Corinn

The first family member I told was @Zephyr Fyrianbut technically they're the one that first mentioned asexuality to me, so...does that count??? If not, my dad was the first one I came out to and then my mom shortly after. They were both pretty much neutral, they didn't react that strongly but were generally supportive. 

 

Also I picked "other" because I'm the fourth of five kids, so none of the other options quite fit.

Link to post
Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere

In a way, I "came out" before I even knew about asexuality: much earlier I felt so horrified by reproduction that I decided that no way, my body's not gonna go through such torture. And so, already at the age of 5-6 years, I became open about not wanting to marry or reproduce. And when years passed and nothing changed... openly stating that I consider myself asexual must have been a bit of an "that explains a lot" moment for my mom and as for some further family, where I never even had an opportunity to openly state that I'm asexual - they just know anyway that I don't live the lifestyle considered standard and obvious and must realise that I was talking seriously those 35 years ago.

However, it seems to me that my mom is a mild homophobe. :( She is strongly anti-PiS (PiS - Law and Justice, the authoritarian ruling party in Poland), like myself (however, I firmly support the left and my mom is an economic liberal), but still seems susceptible to a certain kind of the right wing's homophobic rhetoric: about LGBT+ people supposedly "flaunting their sexuality". To me it is, first of all, an unwillingness to question or even notice one's own privilege: after all, the vast majority of gay people don't try to speak about sexuality sensu stricto in front of their colleagues and acquaintances, they simply want a right to talk about their family life - this is a very important aspect of what being out is all about. Even more: being closeted means being unable to speak about one's family life, and since casual mentions of family life are a common part of conversations between people who know each other well even without really being friends - being unable to talk about it makes a person seem suspicious. Straight people don't recognise that they are "flaunting their sexuality" this way all the time, every time they mention their spouse, for example - and people in queer relationships simply want a right to safely mention their partners too.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I came out to my Grammy first, which is probably surprising to many people since grandparents are typically not super understanding. However, me and my Grammy were always super close, and she had told me before that she was attracted to girls (though she did not self-identify as a lesbian or bi/pan), so I figured she would be safer to tell than my parents. We were on vacation together when she asked me what my black ring was. I found a place away from the rest of my family and told her what it meant, and she was very supportive and willing to learn and understand. She also promised me she would never tell anyone else, including my parents. She took my secret with her to the grave, passing away only a few years later. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

My Mom and Brother have been great, as well as my adoptive Dad and Stepmom. My Biological Father, whom I have been having issues with, reacted like a s..t.  Basically he said no man would accept a relationship where sex is not a part of it.  He’s like, you will be alone for the rest of your life.  I was really sorry that I said anything to him.  We have been having problems before I came out, and for some stupid reason I thought maybe he would be understanding and we could have a better relationship than we have been having.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I mean, if that was what my orientation was to come down to, I don't think there'd be too big of a problem with it. My parents have already dealt with me being single for the vast majority of my adult life. Although I do know that my mom really hopes I end up with someone.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I mentioned it to my mom once in high school, and got the "it's a phase" brushoff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

I don't really see any point in telling my parents because it's not like they hassle me about getting married/dating/etc., and I am pretty sure they wouldn't get it anyway ("you just haven't met the right person").  What would I hope to accomplish with the conversation?  It's not like I need their validation of my experience for it to be real.

 

Would never talk about it with my siblings.  That would just be weird.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
spencexists

My mom thinks I'm too young and that its normal at my age, whatever thats supposed to mean. Several times I've asked her to stop invalidating (is that a word? idk) me and the last time she just screamed "I dont get it! I mean, no sex, EVER?" the only good thing she has done is ordered me a pride flag after I walked past her desk and dropped the money down while saying "order it even if you dont want to because Im paying for it"

Link to post
Share on other sites

Q4 lacks a "don't know" option

Q5 lacks a "DNA" option

Link to post
Share on other sites

Spouse was not a choice. I came out to my straight wife of 38 years after both us knew something was wrong but made it work. I came out to a gay cousin and my daughter.

Next appointment I am going to come out to my psychologist of 14 years who helped me figure out I was not gay, but offered no other options than “confused”. I am going to give her a copy of Angela Chen’s book and point out that the fifth edition of the Diagnostic Manual mental health professionals use states that asexuality is a norm on the spectrum of sexuality and not a condition to be fixed.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My family seems somewhat accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, but I honestly don't know how they would react to me or anyone else coming out. As far as I'm concerned we have no LGBTQ+ family members.

 

I have no plans to ever come out to them, though. It's just none of their business.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
J. van Deijck

I only came out to my sister, but she's most likely lesbian leaning bisexual, so I knew she would understand.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
spencexists

Gotta love being a twin and not being youngest or middle. I came out to my mom first and I was nervous mostly because she had always told me it was okay if I liked boys or girls or both but she never told me I could like both but never want sex. My twin sister is bi and screamed in joy for like three minutes after I said "Hey are you getting a bi flag? Would you put it above your bed? THATS WHERE I'M PUTTING MINE!!" then closed the door and walked out.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
SpaceDustbin

I'm just permanently single and don't get any shit for it, so I take that as a good sign. 

As for them being accepting of LGBT+ in general; my mom and grandma are. Dad and brothers.. maybe? 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...