Discovery Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 I've been married to my husband for 11 years. I've never really been interested into the sexual aspect part that many experience in a relationship. Its not really top priority for me. I do enjoy the emotional and affectionate part, just not the sexual component. So not sure if I am possibly on the asexual spectrum or something else. Thanks for anyone reading this and some advice might help because I feel like I'm neglecting him in that area. Link to post Share on other sites
Lytsedraak Posted March 3, 2021 Share Posted March 3, 2021 I'm married too and recently came to the conclusion i am asexual. I realised it when I looked back at my life and realised I had never been in love, not even with my husband. I love him, but that feeling came after I got to know him. Reading into what arousal, libido and sexual attraction means I also realised I don't experience sexual attraction towards him, but I do feel romantic attraction. I am sex neutral, if it would stop tomorrow and never return I'd be okay with it, but I don't mind to have sex with my husband. It's really hard for me to take initiative though and whenever my husband asked me what I would like, I would always reply with 'what we do is enough for me'. I didn't need anything special for me, but I didn't mind following his ideas what he wanted to do. But I do love to cuddle with him, I couldn't live without that. So it's definitely possible you are asexual. I suggest to read about the subject. Asexuality is a spectrum and people experience it in their own way. For instance, someone can be asexual and be sex-favourable, sex-neutral, or sex-averse. People who are demisexual experience sexual attraction only after forming a (emotional) bond with someone. And there are many more microlabels. Link to post Share on other sites
Aimee03 Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 On 3/3/2021 at 11:07 AM, Discovery said: I've been married to my husband for 11 years. I've never really been interested into the sexual aspect part that many experience in a relationship. Its not really top priority for me. I do enjoy the emotional and affectionate part, just not the sexual component. So not sure if I am possibly on the asexual spectrum or something else. Thanks for anyone reading this and some advice might help because I feel like I'm neglecting him in that area. Hmm, I’m not married, but I’ve heard that intimacy between spouses usually decreases with time? But I mean if you’ve always felt that way, you might be asexual. I agree with @Lytsedraakin that it’s probably best to do some reading/research on the subject and see if it’s applicable to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tunhope Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 I wouldn't want you to think that being ace equates to never having been in love , which possibly is how you might interpret a little of @Lytsedraak' s post. (given that Lytsedraak felt that it took time for romantic feelings to develop) You can be ace and very romantic right from the start. I've been married over 50 years and I still love my husband very much even if it's not with the same intensity as it was when we first met. Sex is a different thing though. Never enjoyed partnered sex. Always felt I could do without partnered sex. Stressing the partnered bit here because I do get turned on at times - just not for partnered stuff. That is, you can be ace and still feel sexually aroused. I'm pretty sure about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamarwen Posted March 5, 2021 Share Posted March 5, 2021 Discovery, We are essentially in the same situation. I've been married for a long time, but I have NEVER desired sex. Not once. In my entire life. And I felt like I was neglecting my husband too. I mean, I can be attracted to people, but the closest I come to desiring anything sexual is French-kissing. Anything further than that, and I'd rather cut off my left foot. (And even kissing requires alcohol first.) So I can literally count the number of times we've.... done 'it'... on two hands. Almost 18 years now. I hope you at least have a good relationship with yours. I cannot claim the same, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Schmop Posted March 6, 2021 Share Posted March 6, 2021 I’m new here, and so relieved to find a post like this. I’ve been married for 13 years, with my husband for 20. Our mismatched libidos have been a point of stress for nearly that entire time. It was only a few months ago that he brought up the possibility of asexuality so I started looking into it. For the first time in my adult life I’m starting to realize that maybe I’m not broken. Maybe it’s ok to not be inclined to express my love for him through sex. We’re still very early in this adventure, but we’ve found that open, direct communication is vital. I care deeply about making sure his needs are met, and he cares about making sure that happens in a way I’m comfortable with. If either one of us has needs that aren’t being met, we talk about it. I’m no expert by any means, but I hope this helps and I’d love to hear more about what has or hasn’t worked for others in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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