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IDK how can we both be OK, please be kind and heelp


Mesiva.3

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Hi I'm 26/F and I'm allosexual. I'm in a relationship with the nicer 28/M ever. He's grey ace. For a long time we've enjoying out relation, I really like how we live each other and how we take care of the other. We also had enjoyed to have sex. Thing os that each time he get anxious about something in his life (generally work), he tells me he doesn't have sexual attraction for me. I understand it and try to don't take it personal, really I do, but right now i'm going through a difficult moment and I would like to have some tools for take care of him, but for take care of me too. 

Sorry for my english, it's not m'y first lenguage. Thanks for reading 

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This is a difficult period altogether, but particularly for couples I think : I'm afraid I have no answer to give you, regarding the way you can take care of him. Is there anything you can do, in terms of rearranging the time you spend together ? Maybe a good way to make the both of you go better, would be to have more free time together, in order to enjoy each other's presence (movies, cooking, eating one of you two's favourite meal, sports, series) ? 

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Remember that there are more than one types of attraction. Attraction can be sexual, but also romantic (and there are a few more too). When he doesn't experience sexual attraction that doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore. So, instead of sex you two could focus on more romantic actions if he still has romantic attraction for you, like hugs and cuddles, watching a movie together while caressing each other.

 

In any relationship open communication is the key, and try to focus on the solution and not the problem. You can ask what other ways of affection he is comfortable with or would like, and you can share what you would like if sex isn't an option. And remember that you both matter. 

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TheListener

Sorry to hear you're going through a difficult moment. I think it's a good sign that you came here to express your feelings and look for help. For what it's worth my suggestion is that he try to deal with feeling anxious as that is something he can potentially have control over. Is it possible for him to make changes in work so he doesn't experience so much anxiety? Exercise or mindfulness might also help. I wish you both the best of luck!

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AceMissBehaving

That can be a difficult situation, but hopefully not an insurmountable one. Might it be possible to get comfort in other ways? Like spending time together focused on each other in ways other than connecting sexually?

 

Just time without other distractions where you can feel supported in a way that doesn’t increase either one of your anxieties ?

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