Asexuals and being childfree

[Nea Rose Symphony]

More and more of my generation in the family are having kids and then there's... Me... Who's more interested in fulfilling my life in other ways. Not sure if I ever will have or want even one, I feel like childbearing isn't for me

 

So here's a thread for anybody who's feeling disconnect from their family and friends having kids too. Are you childfree of choice? Do you want kids someday? Is it related to being asexual? Discuss it here!

[spooky_moss]

Good for you for sticking with what you want! I also don't want kids. I don't think it's directly related to asexuality for me, because if I wanted to, I could adopt, use a sperm donor, etc., but none of that appeals to me. I've thought in the past that maybe I'd like to adopt when I'm older, and idk, maybe I still would (or I'd foster), but I'm not sure if being responsible for kids is really my jam. And I ESPECIALLY hate the idea of birthing a child. I don't want my body going through any of that, and I feel like personally the sensation of knowing a baby was growing inside me would be sickening.

 

That being said, I do like kids in general and I look forward to being the cool aunt for my siblings' and friends' kids. I'll hang out with them for a bit, maybe watch them for a weekend and then be able to hand them back off to their parents afterwards. Maybe I'll gift one of them a drumset for Christmas if I ever feel like stirring up trouble-- I mean, fostering a budding musician, of course! 😉

[Sam Spade]

Kids are great but I can't imagine spending every day around them. I don't know if it's related to being ace, but I am an introvert and like my peace and quiet! I'll just share my knowledge and hobbies by volunteering, not parenting. 

 

I think my mom expects me to have kids, even though I've dropped some very blunt hints that I don't want any. 

[Snao Cone]

I guess I'm lucky that I have other relatives my age who don't have kids (or want them). Most of them are still partnered, though, so I'm left out in that regard. Nobody seems surprised that I'm not the family type because I've eschewed a number of other "adult responsibilities" in my life. That comes from a number of things about me, not just asexuality. 

[CajunAce]

I'm the youngest of 3 girls, so my parents aren't super hard on me to give them grandchildren. Especially since my oldest sis already has 3 little Rugrats. My middle sister got married last year and our nephews and niece are already asking for cousins. My sis tells them she won't be having kids for another 5 years at least. Though I do sometimes feel like the odd one out in the family since I'm not married or dating.

 

I love being an aunt and the thought of childbirth freaks me out, so it'll really depend on my partner (if I ever get one) if we'll get children through other means.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Don't have kids, don't want kids

[spooky_moss]

18 minutes ago, Sam Spade said:

Kids are great but I can't imagine spending every day around them. I don't know if it's related to being ace, but I am an introvert and like my peace and quiet! I'll just share my knowledge and hobbies by volunteering, not parenting. 

Yes! I relate to this so much. I don't really like sharing my life with anyone else but myself. (I mean, I like having friends and family around occasionally, but I need more time to myself than I could have if I were a parent.) When I imagine my ideal future I picture myself living alone (with a couple pets maybe) and giving back to my community.

[Homer]

I have said it for years - give me a reason for making crotch goblins that (a) isn't factual bs and (b) isn't purely egotistical and I'll reconsider. So far nobody was able to come up with an even remotely valid reason for tiny Homers. It's a big change not only for me, but for people around me and a change like that better comes with a myriad of advantages. Which just isn't there.

 

I guess the only real disconnect is that I see people and their offspring and think "Why? Why would anyone do this voluntarily?"

[RacheI]

I don't do small children. I didn't as a small child, and I definitely don't now. Couple that with random life factors and a lack of desire to pass certain genetic snafus, and it was more than enough for me even when I assumed I was straight.

 

Any disconnect is also just a "why" for me, but that goes for plenty of other things people do.

[Astrea]

I don't have any and never wanted any. I like kids, but to me they are like chinchillas : they are cute and funny, but they also make it hard for you to sleep or travel, necessitate a lot of adjustements in your house and can potentially bring a great deal of harm to your books and tapestries... and I'd really just see them at other people's house.

Also, there is nothing scarier than seeing a baby move through the skin of someone's belly and it has always horrified me. I just don't want anything moving independantly inside of me and touching my organs from the inside. Just... nope. 

And I'm very concerned with environmental issues. First, I wouldn't want to be born in a world of climate change, big environmental catastrophes, pandemics to come, great extinction of species... and second, the most environmentally savvy thing you can do is just not to have children.

Oh, as a bonus... the sound of a child wailing (not the 'I'm hurt' or 'I'm sad' cries, the 'I'm unbearable' cry which starts low and amplifies while getting painfully high) is a sound from the deepest circle of hell. I'm not fond of barking, and I'd take a cocker spaniel barking his head off over this any day.
So yeah, not having any. I'm thinking of fostering dogs once my rescue rabbits are gone and that will be enough mothering for me. ^^
 

[Guest]

It feels to me selfish and abusive to put a kid into this world.

 

And there has been enough of generational fuckup in my family with breeding too. It stops with me.

 

I wouldn't be able to give a kid their needs, if I can barely do for myself...

 

...

 

Who said anything of furbabies tho?

 

 

 

 

[Mina888]

2 hours ago, Homer said:

I have said it for years - give me a reason for making crotch goblins that (a) isn't factual bs and (b) isn't purely egotistical and I'll reconsider. So far nobody was able to come up with an even remotely valid reason for tiny Homers. It's a big change not only for me, but for people around me and a change like that better comes with a myriad of advantages. Which just isn't there.

 

I guess the only real disconnect is that I see people and their offspring and think "Why? Why would anyone do this voluntarily?"

Crotch goblins... That is the best word for children that I have ever heard!

[LeChat]

6 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I guess I'm lucky that I have other relatives my age who don't have kids (or want them)...

Yeah; I also have a relative around my age who isn't interested in dating or having kids. So, that's helped me not feel as much pressure from family around those topics.

 

53 minutes ago, Phoenix the II said:

...And there has been enough of generational fuckup in my family with breeding too. It stops with me...

Yep. I've thought this about myself, too.

 

Those gifs are purrrrfect and very relatable! 😸

[Homer]

1 hour ago, LeChat said:

Yeah; I also have a relative around my age who isn't interested in dating or having kids. So, that's helped me not feel as much pressure from family around those topics.

Wouldn't it actually make things easier? You can always point to your sibling and say "What's the problem, you've got grandkids right there"  

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, Homer said:

Wouldn't it actually make things easier? You can always point to your sibling and say "What's the problem, you've got grandkids right there"  

This is why I was so happy when my sister suddenly changed her mind about having kids a couple of years ago. Grandkids have been provided so no pressure on me! Not that I ever actually felt any pressure to begin with, I've told my family I don't want kids and they're fine with it, but still that thought would still creep up occasionally.

 

8 hours ago, Nea Rose Symphony said:

So here's a thread for anybody who's feeling disconnect from their family and friends having kids too. Are you childfree of choice? Do you want kids someday? Is it related to being asexual? Discuss it here!

I don't want children for a few reasons. The main ones being population concerns and the huge environmental impact adding another person to the world has, and the fact that I simply don't want them. It's never appealed to me. I love my nephew and greatly enjoy spending time with him, but I am incredibly glad to hand him back to his parents at the end of the day and go back to my nice quite with my cat.

 

I don't really feel any disconnect from family and friends though. My aunt is childfree, my parents are the sort to be supportive of whatever I choose, my sister is a very different person from me so not understanding her choices is par for the course. None of my close friends have children despite their ages ranging from late 20s to mid-40s, and only one of them has stated that she does want a child and plans to become a single parent by choice when she is financially able. I think in my generation (millennial) being child free by choice is quite common, as is being child free due to circumstance (i.e. financial, being single etc)

[NewStart]

I am 54 and never had or wanted kids.  I think my father leaving when my Brother and I were still very young has something to do that in part.  I don’t dislike kids, I just don’t connect with them.  I can see puppies and go crazy over them, a baby, meh.  I have family members that have been judgmental over tha fact that I never had kids and that I don’t think they are the center of the universe.  They are the same ones that think I should and deserve to be alone for the rest of my life because I don’t want to have sex in a relationship.

[Milque Toast]

I'm still a minor, and I've had very swaying opinions on having children of my own, if I ever did.

 

The hole process doesn't sound exactly "fun"? But.. there's still a part of me that might be up for it. It kind of feels like something that would give my life purpose.. but I almost worry that's a bad mindset because you should have a child for the sake of helping them become their own person, instead of making it a sort of 'project to keep you from boredom'. I mean, with that mindset, I might as well just become a career woman or go to university or something. I'm not really sure ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

The bit I care about the most, is helping the child grow emotionally and intellectually. I think it would be fun to help them learn to speak, read, write, and walk, etc., and hearing about the kinds of things they learn; it just sounds super cute in my head!

Not to mention, my parents passed down a lot of things they like onto me, we have a lot of the same interests, such as anime and video games, and it's why they mean so so much to me right now. When I see Dr Slump, it isn't just a whacky and cute manga series, it's like.. that's something my dad is a huge fan of and showed me when I was really young. I feel a lot of respect in that, instead of "you're too young, you wouldn't understand" (even if it's intended for children - it's kind of like the dad in the lego movie? lmao)

 

I don't really know how I feel about pregnancy yet, but after all, I don't want to give this too much thought right now anyways. I think I would mostly play it by ear, see what my furture partner thinks about children, and see if my opinion changes on children, and whether or not it's financially possible and if we can cope, etc. 

 

Just wanted to give a more neutral/positive answer, and the majority of the responses here have said no to children.

I'm not saying I want or definitely will have children, but just wanted to keep it a bit more open, I guess?

[jelli]

Even though I'm still a minor I don't think I'll ever want kids, not really my thing. I don't think being asexual affects my decision of not wanting children in the future because before I discovered the world of asexuality I already sort of decided that I didn't want to have kids when I'm older. But I sort of get the feeling that my parents want me to have kids cause a few nights ago we were talking something, I don't remember what, but I said "I don't like kids" and my parents responded with, "maybe you will change when you grow up and you will like kids then." which sort of implies that they want me to have children, I think. So right now, I'm just hoping that my brother will want to have kids, if not there will be a lot of disagreements between me and my parents in the future that I am not excited about. 

[Steel13]

I have chosen to stay child-free. I am still young enough to change my mind later (as my family insists I will), but my guess is that I probably won't. I don't think it is related to the fact that I am ace. Even though I feel terrible saying it, I just do not like children. I do not find them cute, and I think that I would feel (unfairly) that they were a burden on my life. I am devoted to my work, and I don't know that I could ever give a child the time they needed. I have always thought it was more important that I am honest with myself and think about my feelings and behavior now instead of allowing other people to convince me that everyone should have children and realizing later when it is too late. It's tough though; most people in my community believe that I am not a "real" woman if I haven't had children and that I will never be truly successful in life. My family is slightly more understanding, but often they pity my relatives without children and tell me what a mistake they made, so it doesn't necessarily help to have childless people in my life.

[Blue eyes white dragon]

I don't want to birth children. I am open to birthing one, but only one. I have always adored children and taking care of them, but I can only handle babies for a few hours. I've wanted to adopt for a long time, even if I do not get married. When I'm babysitting or at events with children around, they tend to flock around me cuz they trust me and I treat them like actual people not less than. Even young teenagers flock to me, especially ones that not cishet neurotypical ones, because of the same reasons. So you can say that, I already have children, and that is the greatest thing I can do with my life.  

[Nea Rose Symphony]

I relate so much to many perspectives here. About seeing pets as being close enough to raising a child, to not being fond of kids, being concerned about genetics and the way the world is, and being more devoted to work and hobbies. I feel not as bad for not catching "baby fever" now haha

 

And the thought of a human growing and kicking inside another is very strange indeed xD

[KuraTheChibiSleepingBeauty]

Definitely no kids. I decided years ago that I'm going to adopt cats instead. 

[OmegaTheMetamorphicDreamer]

Cats are the only "children" I ever want to have.

[Libellule]

I've never wanted kids and for me it hasn't had anything to do with being ace. As far as I can remember I've been saying I don't want any since I was little. I have a younger sister who seems much more keen on having kids in the future, but honestly I don't think that I 'owe' it to my parents or anything. That sounds like an extremely toxic mindset to me. Still, I know plenty of people who talk about having children like it's something that everyone wants and will experience in the future, and I don't think they realise how harmful these comments can be.

[the great acescape]

I'm too self-involved to be a good parent at the moment, but even if that wasn't the case I have no desire to play russian roulette with some poor hypothetical kid's future by potentially burdening them with the same mental health issues and chronic diseases that have made life difficult, if not unbearable for me. 

[alto]

I am currently on the fence, but leaning towards being childfree.

[teetojen]

I have not completely decided yet (I am only 21 so I have some time 😂). I know for a fact that I will never have children of my own. I have thought about fostering, but with the career path I'm currently on with my major, I'm not sure if I'll even be able to support myself... I think I will end up with a furry child, but I'll have to see how life pans out for me in the future.

[Artemis42]

I don't think my not wanting children has anything to do with being ace. I just straight up do not like kids. Never have. I don't know how to talk to them or what to talk to them about, I don't know how to play with them, they're weird and unpredictable and I don't deal with that well. They just make me feel uncomfortable and awkward. The idea of being responsible for one 24/7 sounds terrible. Not to mention that I never want to be pregnant or give birth, or that the world is so screwed up that I don't think I could bring a child into it in good conscience. I've said in the past that I might adopt, but I have to be honest with myself that liking kids and finding them cute is just not who I am. Children deserve parents who actually want to be parents and will do a good job of raising them.

I hope I don't sound like I'm judging people who like or want kids. That's not my intention at all, I'm just expressing my stance. I honestly admire people who can easily interact with kids, I don't know how they do it lol. More power to anyone who wants to raise kids. But count me in the camp of people who just want furbabies.

Oh yeah I'm also an only child so ... lol sorry mom, no grandkids.

Edited March 2, 2021 by Artemis42

[Guest]

I'm happy other folks are having kids so I don't have to. This goes for the entire planet, not just my family circles. Raising a child is literally a lifelong commitment that could turn out very good or very bad, or anything in between, but even in the best case scenario it's a gigantic responsibility in terms of time, energy, and money. Even if I had the money, I wouldn't have the time or energy for children, so that's a big fat no from me.

[DarthMarth]

I've never wanted babies or seen the appeal, but I do like kids in general and have wanted to adopt for much of my life. Realistically, the adoption would probably be out of the foster care system, and whoever I adopted would likely have mental health or behavioral issues. I assumed I would deal with this somehow, but the toxic renter situation I just got out of has given me a new perspective on how bad it can be. So, I'm questioning whether I want kids at all now. (Though it's a moot point since I wouldn't want to adopt as a single anyway)