Naiwen's question for Sexuals and/or Romantics and relationship questions

[Sara.]

Marriage no, kids yes through adoption.

[Gloomy]

I have a husbando and an OC kidfu, but I don’t want to have a non-fictional spouse or kids.

[PrimeJelly]

54 minutes ago, WinterAlf said:

I don't think I'd get married though am romantic. I find the whole process a waste of money even though you dont need like a wedding party thing, I just would never use money on something that doesn't mean anything to me.

If money is an issue, to save costs my sister had a private wedding where only immediate family attended (only siblings and parents came and no other relatives like cousins, aunts, grandparents, etc.) If that still isn't enough, you don't technically need to hold a ceremony to get married. You just need the papers which costs depends on where you live to get the certificate and then bam you're both legally and officially married. If romance is an issue and you don't want it just have a qpr with a trusted someone to keep you company for the rest of your life as you both reap the tax, insurance, and other benefits off the marriage system. I mean who wouldn't want to just hang out with their best friend for the rest of their life? That sounds awesome.

[Sam Spade]

No and no. Which is unfortunate since I don't know how I'll be able to afford a house without a second income. But I absolutely don't want to share my house with anyone besides pets. 

[Blue eyes white dragon]

I would love to get married, or at least have a partner for life. I also want to adopt children whether I get married or not. I can handle the idea of birthing one child, but that's all. I don't like the idea of being pregnant and not super fond of babies for more than a couple of hours.

[PrimeJelly]

5 minutes ago, Sam Spade said:

No and no. Which is unfortunate since I don't know how I'll be able to afford a house without a second income. But I absolutely don't want to share my house with anyone besides pets. 

If you have a qpr with a trusted someone some couples live in separate homes. It really depends on the partnership but qprs can be a life long partnership (non romantic and non sexual) with different rules set depending on the two people involved. So maybe if living together is a major turn off, you can still be in a partnership without that part. Or just in general is being with somebody a turn off?

[Sam Spade]

6 minutes ago, PrimeJelly said:

Or just in general is being with somebody a turn off?

I don't know for sure, since I haven't been in a relationship, but I'm pretty introverted and don't want a partner. Something about it just doesn't appeal to me. (this makes me sound like a hermit, I'm not tho, I interact with people on a regular basis 😂)

[Ceebs]

I'm confused as to why this is in SPFA. 
 

I don't have children and won't be having any at any point. I've got married before and it ended up not working as a romantic relationship. I'd get married again though, yeah.

[Skylord]

Kind of a maybe on both marriage and kids.

 

If I did ever marry anyone, they'd probably just end up being my glorified best friend roommate, I don't mind sharing a place with someone as long as I get along with them well enough. I mean, if I'm by myself, than who is there to share all my amazing home cooked meals with? Or watch my favorite shows without having to invite someone ahead of time? It just sounds nice to be around someone, even if I'm in my room by myself, it's nice to know that there's someone around that I can just go out and talk to. I would only marry someone if I knew them really well and they really wanted it. I don't really know much about the legal aspects of marriage, so I can't really comment on financial benefits. 

 

As for kids, I would never have any biological children, I have no intentions of going through the complications of pregnancy, whether it be me or my hypothetical partner. If I did have kids, they would definitely be adopted. But honestly, I don't think I would be a good parent, kids require a specific kind of emotional support, which I'm really bad at. My sister has been worried about death because of the whole covid thing, and I'll I can really do is sound like a bad psychiatrist with my theories on life and "how does that make you feel." And then I get yelled at by people who say that's not how you deal with the situation. 

[LeChat]

Hi. I thought, perhaps, these other threads/responses on this topic--including from some aro aces--might interest you.

 

(with a poll)

Are You Marriage Minded? - 2019 - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

(with a poll)

Kids - Census Forum - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

I'm aro ace and I don't understand proposals and marriage - Romantic and Aromantic Orientations - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

let's talk about marriage..... please? - Asexual Relationships - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

Platonic Marriage - Asexual Relationships - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

Has anyone adopted kids, in sexless marriage or as a single person? - Older Asexuals - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

(older poll)

Marriage Preferences - 2017 - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

rant: my ideal future (or: i don't want kids) - Asexual Musings and Rantings - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

Do asexuals want to have kids or get pregnant - Questions about Asexuality - Asexual Visibility and Education Network

[anisotrophic]

I hear having kids does wonders for a couple’s sex life! It must be very appealing for sexual folks.

[Euna]

Definitely want a life partner (husband), and I'm open to biological kids.

More often, I've thought about adopting, though as a single woman, I'm a bit overwhelmed by the idea. I know it's not something to be undertaken lightly.

[Naiwen]

As a sexual and/or romantic person, have you ever experienced unrequited love for a very long time? Because I’ve personally met a roommate at my psych ward who has committed suicide over her married psychiatrist with kids. Is it normal behaviour or is it an obsession for you personally?

[Ceebs]

Well it can be very painful and feel all-consuming at times, depending on how strong your feelings are, but committing suicide is certainly not a normal response.

[Lord Jade Cross]

The fact that they were already at a psych ward could be a pretty strong indication that the person was already dealing with alot of mental troubles (if we go by the definition that a psych ward is a last response and not a go to solution that is casually thrown). 

 

That doesn't mean however that everyone at a ward would react the same or that people outside one wouldn't act similarly as there are cases of suicide happening over a broken heart. I recall an incident that made headline news where a guy in his 20's shot himself when his girlfriend told him that they were breaking up. 

 

Usually that last trigger that pushes someone to act on suicide is that, a last trigger. They may have been dealing with a whole array of situations before hand and just couldn't find any peace so that when one strong trigger happens, the just let go of everything.

[Blue eyes white dragon]

I was at peace with my love not being reciprocated cuz we were still friends. I just liked spending time with him and talking to him. What really hurt was when our relationship became really unhealthy and he started being an ass. I was grieving and heartbroken and angry and disgusted and clinging to any last bit of the him that I fell for and ignored the new side I was seeing. But I got over him and healed and let go. But as CBC said suicide isn't a typical and good response to that

[nineGardens]

That... depends on definition of unrequited? As in, if its the "You love them, and they don't know", then no, I don't get that. If its simply "Not returned" then... yes?

I dated someone for a few months. We broke up due to distance, but tried to stay friends and... that got messy. I still wanted it to be love she wanted... hell, I don't even know what she wanted. And that made things *tricky*. For like... several years. Not really sure if that quiet counts in the same category though.

[Euna]

I have been in unrequited love with someone for 10 years... I can say that in the early years, it was very unhealthy and deeply depressing. I went through some painful experiences before I realized I needed to love myself (and God) more than this person. I still have feelings for them, but I do not suffer over it like I used to.

[Naiwen]

How do you make it work personally in your relationship?

[Oberon Jasper]

Didn't you already post this exact thread before?

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Kieran the Vampire said:

Didn't you already post this exact thread before?

I thought so as well

[Clumsy Fairy]

Allosexual, always makes me think of a moisturizing lubricant. 

[Clumsy Fairy]

3 hours ago, Kieran the Vampire said:

Didn't you already post this exact thread before?

Oh I can make this same silly joke twice? Cool !!!

[LeChat]

Hi. Have you seen these threads, with responses from sexuals and asexuals, about their mixed relationship(s)?

 

In this one, they sexuals and asexuals in mixed relationships discuss how they compromise with their partner, in their relationship.

Sexual Compromise & Support - For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

 

In this one, sexuals and asexuals in mixed relationships mention what they like about their partner.

The Good Partner Thread - For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)

[iff]

I was OK with feeling unrequited love for someone as long as I avoided hearing The Blowers Daughter by Damien Rice

[iff]

Various threads started sexual partners, friends, and allies have been merged as they were in relation to general relationship questions. 

 

Iff, 

Moderator, sexual partners, friends, and allies