Naiwen's question for Sexuals and/or Romantics and relationship questions

[Blue eyes white dragon]

22 minutes ago, CBC said:

I am not going to post what my brain just forced me to google based on this.

Aw man!

[Zimmermikeee]

Oh i see here's an interesting convo xD

[Zimmermikeee]

For me ily means "i love you more than friend". I feel weird when hearing my friends saying ily to me and i say these only to someone i love. 

[Guest]

Nothing here.

[RoseGoesToYale]

1 hour ago, CBC said:

I am not going to post what my brain just forced me to google based on this.

Oh god, I had to google it. Now I'm gonna have nightmares.

[Phalena]

When my parents would say it (which they never do, ever). Me thinking: Are you shitting me?! What do you want? Me saying: Nothing.

When a date says it. Me thinking and saying: Uhm, we barely know each other though.

When a random stranger on the internet says it: Wait, wut? Who are you even?

When good friends say it. Me: Awww, I love you, too!

When my siblings say it: Awww, I love you, too!

When our cat says it: Awww, you're SO gosh darn CUTE! Wait, are you trying to fight and eat my hands again?

[Skycaptain]

It's far from uncommon for people to change how they identify sexually and romantically as time goes on. One example is that it's easy to confuse friendship for romantic attraction, think that your in love with, say, your best friend, and in later years realise that maybe it has just been friendship. 

 Also "Asexual" doesn't mean an inability to have sex, just, depending on which definition you choose, a lack of sexual attraction and/or desire. (Please don't turn this into a definition debate, folks 🎂). So, whilst not a common scenario, if one person sees it as a loving, sexual, relationship, and the other sees it as living with their best friend, and is willing to have sexual activity from time to time to keep them happy, so be it. 

For some people being a couple even if romantic and sexual orientations differ can work. 

If, however, it feels like (rather than calling it "suffering and torture" which implies some form of coercion) a partnership isn't working because of some incompatability that's usually a sign that breaking up would be better than carrying on. 

[timewarp]

Oh-oh,

Quote

What’s love

got to do, got to do with it? What's love but a second-hand emotion?

[Astrea]

I'm not sure, I've only ever said it to animals and generally in the context of 'you really suck at this (or 'smell bad today' or 'are being a ninny / a pain in the ass') but I still love you' 😆

[godace]

Some people can pronounce this sentence while others can't. I know my father will never use those words, but he will hug me tight because he's proud of me when I come home with the results of my last exam, and that's love. I find it important that I feel loved, but the words in themselves aren't natural to all, and it's alright. I Love You are three very crude words, they aren't something you say easily in my country, and even more so in my culture. 

I say that I love people when I realize that my life is genuinely bettered by their presence, and they appease me, they bring me joy or insight or fun. But I rarely ever tell people directly "je t'aime" ? Though, I recognize that it has had importance, to know when exactly to use these words. When I visited my best friend in a mental institution, this sentence mattered, it was a way for me to remind him that he had stability outside, that everything wasn't crumbling down. 

If someone tells me that they love me, they're often worried, now that I think of it. They think I might "make a grave mistake". 

[oldgeeza]

To me, I love you, a term I probably use too much, it has landed me in trouble, but basically, I've never been romantically attached, but there's a lot of people in my life, I consider myself blessed, these people have made a big impact on my life, they've helped me become a better person, they've been there for me through the hard times, they've supported me, to me, the love and respect I have for them I couldn't begin to put into words, I love the person, not their looks, until someone impacts you in such a powerful way, I guess it's something that you can't express. When I love someone, I tell them, not all the time, but I let them know they mean so much to me, I do this whilst I can as you never know when it's going to be too late, I lost a close friend in 2020 on her 40th birthday, she was taken by the big c, but she's very special in my life

[Thaliaaaaa]

I don't really use it to anyone, maybe it's because I don't have a romantic partner yet or I just don't want to <-- I usually just don't say it to anyone apart from my parents when I'm either leaving the house (like 'Love you bye') to do something or going to bed. The thing is, I don't say it because I want to, it's weird, I just say it automatically now as I've said it a lot to them before.

[Ceebs]

55 minutes ago, godace said:

Some people can pronounce this sentence while others can't. I know my father will never use those words...

Nor will mine. 

 

I mean, I guess he loves me in his own way. The ways we both show love are very different and it's difficult to feel loved a lot of the time.

[Destranix]

Reminds me to my favorite movie. But I can't give you an acceptable quote that's not easy googleable. Another secret...

[Ceebs]

1 hour ago, Destranix said:

Reminds me to my favorite movie. But I can't give you an acceptable quote that's not easy googleable. Another secret...

Well now I really need to know, lol.

[Destranix]

6 minutes ago, CBC said:

Well now I really need to know, lol.

I think one day you'll find out anyway. Or I'm gonna tell you.

 

 

[Ceebs]

Cryptic...

[Traveler40]

14 hours ago, CBC said:

With my partner, I know it means that he respects me, cares about my wellbeing and what's going on in my life, that the things I'm dealing with are his things too, that he supports me and wants me to be fulfilled and (ideally) happy and actively wants to contribute to those things, that he's committed to the relationship and isn't going to up and disappear on me, that I bring valuable things to his life, that he feels the same connection and attraction that I do and that it's something exclusive to us, that we're also very good friends as well as partners... etc. That little phrase, 'I love you', means a lot of stuff

Well said Ceebs! 
 

Across the past four years, I’ve had to learn to hear those words differently. I’m told a thousand different ways, but the phrase is not something my lover shares often. On the other hand, I’m effusive and leave nothing to the imagination.
 

If I love someone, they aren’t left to find it in deed alone, but are reaffirmed with words frequently. What I’ve found is that saying, “I love you” is more about me as the giver. It wraps your description of meaning Ceebs with a nice little bow. 
 

Yeah, I gift often....😂

[uhtred]

For me, sex, romance and love are all facets of the same thing, they don't exist in isolation.

 

Its like asking what part of a piece of music is most important, the high notes or the low ones.   Its not a meaningful question because all of the notes are necessary. 

[Naiwen]

As a sexual and/or romantic person, do you want kids and/or marriage? I’m personally, as a sex-repulsed aro-ace, happily single, child free and celibate by choice and for life.

[Guest]

Never ever want kids. Marriage would only happen if I know the for a long time. 

[Traveler40]

OP: Why not gather up all of your most pressing questions and create a poll? That way you create one post instead of 20, and you’ll get all of the poll lovers around here sounding off on what you seek to know. Just a thought. 

[Black Tourmaline]

i never wanted kids. even when i was a kid i remember telling my mother this and she (of course) said i would understand the appeal later (which never happened)...i don't really get it, it seems like a pointless complication and responsibility and also somewhat selfish to put more people into this overpopulated dying world of misery. i did get married once (with hilariously disastrous results) for really dumb reasons (gratitude). no more thank you very much

[oldgeeza]

I'm in my fifties, never married, never had a long term relationship, not had a relationship for thirty years now, so, no, I don't think I'll ever be interested in marriage or kids, I just look from a distance, then I go back home to my peaceful home alone

[Milque Toast]

I can imagine getting married at some point... but more for practical reasons than romantic? Sort of the same way my parents did.

Things like inheritance, bank account shares, stuff like that. I'll need to do some more research as I don't know that much about marriage, but I'm kinda meh about it  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Oberon Jasper]

I don't really want kids, but I would like to be married. One, I'm a loyal person who wants to attach to someone romantically for the rest of my life. Two, I'm relatively anxious and paranoid so having someone else who lives with me who I love would help me stay sane.

[Thaliaaaaa]

I don't think I'd get married though am romantic. I find the whole process a waste of money even though you dont need like a wedding party thing, I just would never use money on something that doesn't mean anything to me.

[Destranix]

I don't think that I could invest much emotions or energy. My kids would just be like any other kid except that I have the possibility to share more of me with them than I can do with others.
That would possibly make me a nice parent, older allknowing, respecting their opinions, not careing much about their age.(But also with a lack of regard to it; So like I'm saying things they simply cannot understand because they are not old enough)

But there are also problems that arise. If they are not interesting for me and I'm not intresting for them, we'd be kind of distant and I'd completely waste my time with whatever I have to do for them.

 

I think best would be me not having own children, but acting as some kind of external person of reference they trust in and who helps them becoming great individuals.

 

EDIT:

About marriage: It often brings tax deductibility and such, so maybe a good thing. But I don't need it.

 

 

[PrimeJelly]

Even though I would like to have a partnership with a trusted someone for the rest of my life (preferably a qpr but I'm okay with most romantic things), I am just like you where I'm incredibly sex repulsed, desire to be celibate for life, and childless. If me and my future partner ever want "children" we can have as many animal kids as we want or adoption, but I'm only adopting older kids. I don't want babies or children near me.

[Phalena]

I want to marry eventually because I kind of like the idea to be bound to a person tbh, I'd feel kind of safe which is weird considering how screwed up my parents were. Maybe it's because marriage is regarded as a proof of love... And I finally want to celebrate rather than always going to funerals. I'd be in a less expensive tax-group, too. But I don't want children.