Jump to content

Am I Asexual and Demiromantic?


Recommended Posts

So I'm trying to figure out if I'm asexual and demiromantic, I think I am but I'm not really sure. 

 

I remember when I was in like elementary school (grade 1-5), all of my friends already had like at least one crush, and I had none. I sorta felt like I had to find a crush to not be the weird one. I also remember my friends asking each other who they had a crush on and everybody had an answer, and i was just sitting there trying to figure out a random name that I should say (I just ended up saying nobody lol). I thought i just didn't find the right person to like yet. I've only had like 2 crushes in my life (I'm 16) and they were both my friends and I've known them for a while. I don't think I really wanted to start a relationship with these two people, like i thought about it a bit but it was more like "oh yeah they would be a pretty chill and cool partner" or something like that. 

 

I have also these like mini(?) "crushes" idk if i should call them crushes cause there wasn't much feelings involved. I was never really close to these two people, I did talk to them a bit but not like full on conversations it was more like a couple short "conversations" shared between us, but like I would get sorta nervous when I talked to them (but it might just be because of my socially anxious self) or like typical stuff you would do if u had a crush on somebody. I wouldn't like fantasize about any of these people though and I never thought about having a romantic relationship with them.  I think it might be more like aesthetic attraction (cause these people were pretty good looking 🙃). The only time i sorta fantasized about my crush about the guy I had a crush on in grade 8/9, but I never fantasized about like sexual stuff (ex: kissing, etc) it more like wanting to hug him or hang out with him.

 

I know i'm still young and all but intercourse just really grosses me out (also sorta scares me) and is unappealing to me personally, I honestly don't really understand why some people like it so much. Also the idea of relationships don't really spark any interest in me, if i did want to start a relationship it would probably be with a friend or somebody that i know. 

 

I think I'm asexual and demiromantic i'm just a bit unsure rn

Please share your thoughts :)

-      from an unsure and confused jelli

Link to post
Share on other sites
VeryAsexyIndeed

From what I understand it does seem to me like the crush you are describing is more of a squish? Or the “mini crushes” at least. A squish is kinda like an “aroace crush”, like a crush without the romantic and sexual feelings. It’s more of feeling sensual, aesthetic, platonic and sometimes alterous attraction. I’ve had a few squishes and you still have all those nervous feelings and stuff, but I never imagined having a romantic relationship or having sex with them, just hugging and being emotionally close. The ‘wanting to hug him and hang out with him’ would be sensual attraction. It’s like wanting to touch someone, liking how they smell etc (like using your senses I guess? touch, taste, smell and all that. lol idk how to describe it) but it’s not sexual or romantic in any way. It can be as simple as wanting to hold their hand.

 

So, from what I understand from reading, there could definitely be a possibility that you are a demiromantic ace✌️🌈

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Scylactic

Hi there! I feel you. I never really had crushes either (possibly only once in my life and maybe relapsing if I'm in denial 🙃) Self-discovery can be very confusing, to say the least. If you think you're demiro ace, tho, then you probably are. Only you know how you feel about it for sure.

 

Here is your welcome cake as it is a tradition to give new members:

spacer.png

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you @VeryAsexyIndeed and @Scylactic for the info and thoughts :)))

 

also thank you for the cake :D

8 minutes ago, Scylactic said:

Here is your welcome cake as it is a tradition to give new members:

spacer.png

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
VeryAsexyIndeed
14 minutes ago, jelli said:

Thank you @VeryAsexyIndeed and @Scylactic for the info and thoughts :)))

 

Np💖Also that’s really true what @Scylactic said. Only you know what you’re feeling and what label fits you, if you want a label. No one else can tell you what is right for you and what isn’t🌈✌️You are valid and loved!😌
Edit: I forgot about the cake! Idk how to insert pictures lol but here’s some welcome cake for you!🍰🍰🌈✌️😅

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ElusiveCreature
1 hour ago, jelli said:

I have also these like mini(?) "crushes" idk if i should call them crushes cause there wasn't much feelings involved

I relate to this so much. It’s confusing, because romance is such a vague concept that means different things to everyone. I always try to convince myself I feel something, even when I really don’t, and it’s pretty distressing.

 

Also welcome!

spacer.png

Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, ElusiveCreature said:

I relate to this so much. It’s confusing, because romance is such a vague concept that means different things to everyone. I always try to convince myself I feel something, even when I really don’t, and it’s pretty distressing.

 

Also welcome!

spacer.png

Yeah romance is quite confusing sometimes, also thank you for the cake :D 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Artemis42

To be honest, none of this sounds like romantic attraction to me. It could be that I just experience it differently, but “this person might be a nice partner, hypothetically, I guess” doesn’t sound like attraction, it just sounds like an observation. I could be getting this completely wrong though, as always you know what you’re feeling best.

I don’t have a ton of information to go off of in terms of you being ace, but it sounds like having sex is not something you’re interested in at all, which is a perfectly good reason to use the ace label lol. I think you should use the words that you find the most accurate and appropriate for your experiences.

:)

🍰

Link to post
Share on other sites
oops_eddie

Hey, welcome to AVEN! (sorry this is long! I'm not good at explaining myself haha)

 

On 2/24/2021 at 6:32 AM, jelli said:

I remember when I was in like elementary school (grade 1-5), all of my friends already had like at least one crush, and I had none. I sorta felt like I had to find a crush to not be the weird one. I also remember my friends asking each other who they had a crush on and everybody had an answer

I relate to this aha. I never understood how they would have a new crush every week. I remember playing truth or dare at recess and constantly being asked "who is your crush?", but I never had an answer. I didn't completely understand what a crush was; I thought you chose them yourself. I have a VERY clear memory of sitting in class when a new kid walked in and the teacher introduced him. I just stared at him and thought: "Meh, I guess he's cute. He'll be my new crush!". Yeah, I forgot about that decision by the end of the day.

 

On 2/24/2021 at 6:32 AM, jelli said:

I've only had like 2 crushes in my life (I'm 16) and they were both my friends and I've known them for a while. I don't think I really wanted to start a relationship with these two people, like i thought about it a bit but it was more like "oh yeah they would be a pretty chill and cool partner" or something like that. 

On 2/24/2021 at 6:32 AM, jelli said:

The only time i sorta fantasized about my crush about the guy I had a crush on in grade 8/9, but I never fantasized about like sexual stuff (ex: kissing, etc) it more like wanting to hug him or hang out with him.

I have a HUGE lack of understanding about romantic crushes, so please take what I say lightly 😅 aha. I'm in a similar boat. I thought I had only had 2 crushes in my life. 1 was on a close friend, and the other was on another close friend's brother (don't ask lol). After thinking back at these crushes, I don't think they were crushes at all. Don't get me wrong, I felt nervous and giddy whenever I spoke to them. Every now and again I'd imagine nerve-racking but exciting scenarios with them but nothing was sexual or romantic. Like you, I also thought about it in a "They'd be a cool partner" way, except I think my perception on romantic relationships has always been blurred. I think I had a platonic crush the whole time: a Squish. Either that or a sensual lush. I don't think I've ever had a real romantic crush. This is why I identify as quoiromantic, lol. So confusing.

 

On 2/24/2021 at 6:32 AM, jelli said:

Also the idea of relationships don't really spark any interest in me, if i did want to start a relationship it would probably be with a friend or somebody that i know. 

Queerplatonic Relationships are super cool! I've never been in a QPR but sometimes I think I'd honestly prefer that over a romantic relationship.

 

Sorry this was so long! I'm blaming it on being confused about my own identity. 😅😂

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...