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Chiaroscuro

I Suddenly Hate My Kind

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thylacine

"I'll tell you what, it was an eye-opener for me. I sympathize with you guys if that's the kind of welcome the sexual community extends to you." Yes... this is exactly how people react. I'll never tell another person I'm asexual... I tried to explain that once to someone I thought was educated and open minded... What do I get? "You're sick!" (She said it with a snarl, actually bearing her teeth, as she was suddenly in a rage -- unbelievable.) She just went on and on, eventually she decided I needed a good rape to fix my problem...

If sexual people feel comfortable with themselves, why are they so uncomfortable with other types of people? If they feel good about their relationships and their sex drives, why do they have so much anger towards someone who is not like them, i.e. not interested in sex & etc.?

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Chiaroscuro

Just to be clear, neither I, nor any of the sexual folks I know would have snarled at you, Thylacine. Nor would we recommend rape as a cure for anything. I apologize for my sister-in-sexuality's behavior.

I think your question "why do they have so much anger towards someone who is not like them?" is the key to her bizarre reaction. We are all guilty of it, on some level... pride in our own tribe and fear of outsiders. It's universal, human, and the source of most of the world's woes. It's behind bigotry, racism, sexism, nationalism, social elitism, war, religious intolerance... even the littlest things, like sports rivalries and family pride.

-Chiaroscuro

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ClaireE
Just to be clear, neither I, nor any of the sexual folks I know would have snarled at you, Thylacine. Nor would we recommend rape as a cure for anything. I apologize for my sister-in-sexuality's behavior.

I am not altogether comfortable with this concept of apologising on somebody else’s behalf as a means of building trust. I mean I can understand why it mends hurts to say ‘I’m sorry that happened’ – as in ‘I’m sorry my country was responsible for slavery’ or ‘I’m sorry you were treated that way’ etc - but at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own actions. We are all human beings – it is empathising (ehich you do by the bucket full I can see) that builds trust rather than apologising for the actions of others that are not our fault.

It's universal, human, and the source of most of the world's woes. It's behind bigotry, racism, sexism, nationalism, social elitism, war, religious intolerance... even the littlest things, like sports rivalries and family pride.

Yes but it is also about personality maybe? All bullies pick on people they consider weaker than themselves (so minorities are often their targets) and usually bullies project their self-contempt onto their victoms.

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Santa Claus
I tried to explain that once to someone I thought was educated and open minded... What do I get? "You're sick!" (She said it with a snarl, actually bearing her teeth, as she was suddenly in a rage -- unbelievable.) She just went on and on, eventually she decided I needed a good rape to fix my problem...

OMG! That's awful! I'm so sorry to hear that... I honestly doubt that anyone who wishes rape to somebody (friend or enemy, it doesn't matter) is educated...

I almost can't believe it...

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Chiaroscuro
I am not altogether comfortable with this concept of apologising on somebody else’s behalf as a means of building trust.

Perhaps it would have been more accurate to say "I regret the extreme assholishness of my sister-in-sexuality".

It's universal' date=' human' date=' and the source of most of the world's woes. It's behind bigotry, racism, sexism, nationalism, social elitism, war, religious intolerance... even the littlest things, like sports rivalries and family pride.[/quote'']

Yes but it is also about personality maybe? All bullies pick on people they consider weaker than themselves (so minorities are often their targets) and usually bullies project their self-contempt onto their victoms.

I think we're all fearful of the unfamiliar, not just bullies. Some people sublimate their fear, or honestly wrestle with it, while some on the other extreme revel in the sensual brutality of its expression (bullies). That's where personality would influence it, I think. Ghandi wasn't who he was because he was born that way. He studied, learned, and honestly confronted the parts of himself that urged him to act unjustly. I don't believe that people come into the world either good or bad. One's personality is a "vector" in their life, that can influence, but not determine absolutely, how they end up treating others. I read somewhere that empathy isn't something people are born with... it's a learned response. I think that's true.

-Chiaroscuro

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ClaireE
I am not altogether comfortable with this concept of apologising on somebody else’s behalf as a means of building trust.

Perhaps it would have been more accurate to say "I regret the extreme assholishness of my sister-in-sexuality".

O.K. I’m curious about the ‘’sister-in-sexuality" bit though ? I mean when it comes to bigots one’s usual instinct is to distance oneself from them. I don’t call members of the far right ‘my White brothers’ for example. I hope you don’t take it as a criticism; I’m just interested to understand the thinking behind it as it struck me as a little odd.

It's universal' date=' human' date=' and the source of most of the world's woes. It's behind bigotry, racism, sexism, nationalism, social elitism, war, religious intolerance... even the littlest things, like sports rivalries and family pride.[/quote'']

Yes but it is also about personality maybe? All bullies pick on people they consider weaker than themselves (so minorities are often their targets) and usually bullies project their self-contempt onto their victoms.

I think we're all fearful of the unfamiliar' date=' not just bullies. Some people sublimate their fear, or honestly wrestle with it, while some on the other extreme revel in the sensual brutality of its expression (bullies). That's where personality would influence it, I think. Ghandi wasn't who he was because he was born that way. He studied, learned, and honestly confronted the parts of himself that urged him to act unjustly. I don't believe that people come into the world either good or bad. One's personality is a "vector" in their life, that can influence, but not determine absolutely, how they end up treating others. I read somewhere that empathy isn't something people are born with... it's a learned response. I think that's true.[/quote']

Sometimes when we learn that not all people are like us it forces us to re-examine our own values and priorities and that can be disorientating -it can seem to some that their own identity is being undermined by the existence of those who are different.

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thylacine

"Just to be clear, neither I, nor any of the sexual folks I know would have snarled at you, Thylacine. Nor would we recommend rape as a cure for anything. I apologize for my sister-in-sexuality's behavior."

I did not mean to sound anti-sexual. It's just that this person's reaction was soooooo bad... I'll never tell anyone again!

I guess you never really know a person until you try to tell them you're asexual and then see whether or not they freak out on you.

This is why I won't tell my friends now, because I'm afraid they won't be my friends anymore... so I have to put up with their bitchin' "you poor pathetic lil thing you got no husband to take care of you" & etc.

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Santa Claus
This is why I won't tell my friends now, because I'm afraid they won't be my friends anymore... so I have to put up with their bitchin' "you poor pathetic lil thing you got no husband to take care of you" & etc.

Do they really say stuff like that?! What kind of friends are those...? Geeeshh... :?

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Chiaroscuro
O.K. I’m curious about the ‘’sister-in-sexuality" bit though ? I mean when it comes to bigots one’s usual instinct is to distance oneself from them. I don’t call members of the far right ‘my White brothers’ for example. I hope you don’t take it as a criticism; I’m just interested to understand the thinking behind it as it struck me as a little odd.

Perhaps I should have said "I regret the actions, which I don't condone, made by a sexuals I have nothing in common with besides the fact that neither of us are asexual."

-Chiaroscuro

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ClaireE
O.K. I’m curious about the ‘’sister-in-sexuality" bit though ? I mean when it comes to bigots one’s usual instinct is to distance oneself from them. I don’t call members of the far right ‘my White brothers’ for example. I hope you don’t take it as a criticism; I’m just interested to understand the thinking behind it as it struck me as a little odd.

Perhaps I should have said "I regret the actions, which I don't condone, made by a sexuals I have nothing in common with besides the fact that neither of us are asexual."

-Chiaroscuro

Personally I think you said it best with "Just to be clear, neither I, nor any of the sexual folks I know would have snarled at you, Thylacine.’’ There was no need to apologise for other peoples’ crap and as you see Thylacine apologised to you for maybe making you feel you had to. Just carry on being you!

I have several theories about some people’s need to feel superior because of their sex-lives. Maybe it is partly biological, the way the animal kingdom has a pecking order in which potential rivals are steered off by individuals who make their place clear to others? After all, many sexual people are also led to believe they are inferior to a degree! So really, people who behave superior and brag are no better than Gorillas! :-)

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Chiaroscuro
After all, many sexual people are also led to believe they are inferior to a degree!

Oh, more than "to a degree" Claire. You're right about social hierarchy being at the root of much of this. The "other" we hate and fear is often either someone higher up the ladder whom we envy, or someone lower down the ladder who envies us and wants our rung.

-Chiaroscuroapologizesforwantingyourrung

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ClaireE

[quote="Chiaroscuro"]

After all, many sexual people are also led to believe they are inferior to a degree!

Oh, more than "to a degree" Claire.

Yeah, you're right there come to think of it. It is what many suicides are over.

You're right about social hierarchy being at the root of much of this. The "other" we hate and fear is often either someone higher up the ladder whom we envy, or someone lower down the ladder who envies us and wants our rung.

The extreme of this is that is 'Authoritarian personality disorder' Maybe that’s what the mad professor had?

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funaladanaly
The other day I realized that we could fight global warming and overpopulation by killing people and using them to fertilize trees...

*totally didn't just say that*

They did that. Its called the Holocaust. It didn't work out very well from what I understand, and pretty much frowned upon.

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Chiaroscuro
They did that. Its called the Holocaust

The Nazi's were environmentalists gone wild. The mind boggles...

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thylacine

"Do they really say stuff like that?! What kind of friends are those...? Geeeshh... " Well... uh... yuh. I love my friends & relatives, but that doesn't mean that they aren't pains in the butt. A lady at my church told me she's gonna pray that I find a man... "Saint Ann! Saint Ann! Find her a man!" and she looked at me and giggled while I began to feel like I wanted to lose my lunch... (That is to say, I did not wanna lose my lunch about the "man" part of the conversation -- I've got nothing against men in general... it's the giggle, & the whole concept of "We have to find someone to take care of you!" thing -- like okay, yeah, like I really want everyone else to run my life for me -- NOT! That's the thing with being single / asexual -- everyone wants to run your life!!! It's a pain in the rear to have everyone trying to run your life for you, when you're quite capable of running it yourself!)

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maufry
Ha ha! Who doesn't eat children on special occasions? So tasty when served with a side of boiled puppy...

That's one of the funniest things I've heard in quite some time. Thanks for the laugh! :D

That said, these two posts made me cry:

I'll tell you what, it was an eye-opener for me. I sympathize with you guys if that's the kind of welcome the sexual community extends to you.

*heads to the sink to wash off his filthy, sexual hands*

Like my husband, they seemed to not really care what the asexual had to say. Nevermind that listening to him could possibly help them understand their own relationship. That is not THEIR problem. THEIR problem is getting laid - or complaining about not getting laid. They seemed only concerned with why they weren't getting what they want.

I think I probably come across as one of the snippy ones Bunny referred to. (In fact, I remember the thread she mentioned - I don't remember what it was about, but I remember the reference to cannabalism, and I have a feeling I may have been one of the ones picking on her... If I was, my sincere apologies, Bunny.) I don't think I had ever believed, until this very moment, that not ALL sexuals were like M51's ex-husband. Hence my venom. (I'm a rather irritable person anyways, so that doesn't help much, lol.) It's just so hard in this society that builds sex up like it's the end-all be-all of existence, and you're in all these relationships that go nowhere b/c the damn men can't keep their friggin penises in check long enough to pay attention to the fact that I am a person, thanks, and not just some readily available vending machine (to use one of Thylacine's analogies) there for their personal use. They go on and on about how much they care about me but then repeatedly go about attempting to do something that they KNOW causes me pain, and all for their own personal gratification. Even the ones who say they like doing things to please me - well if you know it doesn't please me, then why the hell do you keep trying to do it to me?? I know that I'm a defensive sort of person anyways - always have been - but I guess I didn't realize just how much I've never trusted sexuals. B/c I always assumed that they were all like M51's ex. And not only did M51 FINALLY put into words something I'd never been able to grasp exactly, but Chiaroscuro showed that not ALL men think that way. To be perfectly honest, C, I've always read your posts and seen you as the selfish type. B/c that's how I've always viewed sexuals. They complain and complain about never getting any, like that's their sole purpose in life, like there's nothing else in life that could possibly be as important. It wasn't until right now that I realized that not all of you are like that, and that part of the reason I see that in so many people is b/c I expect to see it. (School of Fish said on another thread, "If the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem will look like a nail.") So anyway thanks. To both of you. :)

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M51

I am really upset about the sexuality of certain people I know right now. A lot of people, actually. I had heard of men doing some terrible things but I never thought the men I knew would do such things.

A person who I THOUGHT was a decent guy brought a girl to his barracks room and opened the blinds, then invited his friends to come watch. He actually said "The show starts at [time]." Six guys watched him have sex with this girl through the open window (without the girl's knowledge). One of them had a camera phone though everybody insists the pictures were of such bad quality that you can't tell what they are pictures of (I haven't seen them). The guy having sex apparently even positioned the girl deliberately during the act to give the guys a better view of various parts of her anatomy.

Now the guy is some kind of hero. Even the guys that didn't watch the "show" treat him like a stud. Of around 50 people that know about this only I and one other guy spoke up and said it was wrong and disgusting. Two others quietly told me in private that they thought it was wrong, but then in public defended the guy, one even saying that the girl "asked for it" by going home with him on the first date.

One guy who watched said that it would not have been as good if the girl had known she had an audience. That is even more disgusting.

These people have girlfriends and wives. How can they do this to a girl?

Out of around 50 men, only one had he guts to speak up. How can I possibly ever date a sexual man again, knowing that 98% condone this kind of attitude towards women? How can I ever trust that they won't try to do something like this to me? If sexuality "drives" people to do such horribly exploitative, disrespectful things to other people I want no part of it. I am so happy to be asexual.

This is not meant to be accusatory. Just to illustrate how negative sexuality can seem to someone who doesn't feel it.

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BunnyK.
Out of around 50 men, only one had he guts to speak up. How can I possibly ever date a sexual man again, knowing that 98% condone this kind of attitude towards women? How can I ever trust that they won't try to do something like this to me? If sexuality "drives" people to do such horribly exploitative, disrespectful things to other people I want no part of it. I am so happy to be asexual.

I honestly don't believe that anywhere near 98% of sexual men would think that this is the right thing to do.

EDIT: I took an informal poll (well, I asked my boyfriend) and 100% of boyfriends polled say: "If someone I knew did that, I'd think they were scum. That's pretty mean."

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M51

Yes, but it is not just thinking it is right or wrong. Had a few of the influential men - leaders or people who have been around long enough to have influence on the younger ones - spoken up, this whole thing would have ended quickly. But because of their silence, the young asshole who did it thinks that exploiting women is not just okay, but a route to popularity and acceptance, and will likely do something similar again in the future.

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Revenge of Rain

Group think thing, I believe. People tend to think less in situations like that, or at least think differently. I'm sure you could get a group of asexuals to do something just as bad in a double-blind study, just maybe not the same thing as they're probably more aware of the problems that surround sexuality and society's idea of it.

I wonder how many male sexuals are on here... we could have a poll (and clearly state to give the honest reality of the way one would act when extremely influenced by those you know well (group of close friends) in such a situation. I'm sure everybody would still lie though.

By the way things like this are the reason I don't like guys by default, unless they prove to be extraordinary or exude what appears to be a different attitude. Even then they often turn out the same.

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M51
By the way things like this are the reason I don't like guys by default

I have found that asexual guys tend to be less sexist. I think a lot of our culture's sexuality is unhealthy in that sex is often portrayed as a male-only phenomena, where women are victims or conquests. The male sex drive is glorified, making it okay for men to do anything to women to satisfy their sex drive (this is all cultural, I am not accusing individuals, here).

So a man with no sex drive is a lot less likely to view women as objects.

So I have come to the conclusion that I may pursue relationships with sexual men, but they will be passing (yes, I will tell them I am asexual). They will be temporary relief from loneliness until I find my true life partner, who simply has to be asexual. I believe I will only be happy with an asexual male, because I will only trust an asexual male.

If I don't find one, I will consider myself alone, even if I happen to be dating a sexual.

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AntiBubble
"Ha ha! Who doesn't eat children on special occasions?"

Well... now there's a way to solve the over population problems on this planet... !

May I gently refer you to Johnathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" ;)

Satire at its most powerful and disturbing...

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maufry

M51, I agree with and understand everything you've said in your last couple of posts.

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BunnyK.
So I have come to the conclusion that I may pursue relationships with sexual men, but they will be passing (yes, I will tell them I am asexual). They will be temporary relief from loneliness until I find my true life partner, who simply has to be asexual. I believe I will only be happy with an asexual male, because I will only trust an asexual male.

If I don't find one, I will consider myself alone, even if I happen to be dating a sexual.

Ok, so why date sexuals at all? Seriously. Sexuals aren't toys, to be used and then thrown away when something better comes along. They're people with feelings and should be accorded the same respect that you'd give anyone. If you can't trust sexuals, and they'll always be second-class to you, don't date them. That's awful.

I really don't understand why it seems to be ok to distrust and dismiss people based on one characteristic. Why isn't trust earned on an individual basis? Being a sexual doesn't make someone a bad person - it's not some kind of flag you can use to identify people who are going to be a certain way. Assholes come in every flavor.

I get really annoyed with this whole "Sexuals are selfish and bad!" meme that people have going here. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences, but it's not right for me to generalize that you are all cold, emotionless, manipulative robots, so it's not ok for you to generalize that sexuals are selfish, exploitative users.

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Hallucigenia
I have found that asexual guys tend to be less sexist. I think a lot of our culture's sexuality is unhealthy in that sex is often portrayed as a male-only phenomena, where women are victims or conquests. The male sex drive is glorified, making it okay for men to do anything to women to satisfy their sex drive (this is all cultural, I am not accusing individuals, here).

It swings the other way as well - lots of sexual girls grow up thinking that they aren't supposed to have any sexual desires, and then freak out and do unhealthy things when they find out that they do. :(

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ClaireE

I get really annoyed with this whole "Sexuals are selfish and bad!" meme that people have going here. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences' date=' but it's not right for me to generalize that you are all cold, emotionless, manipulative robots, so it's not ok for you to generalize that sexuals are selfish, exploitative users.[/quote']

I think you can only find out if most people are trustworthy after getting to know them a bit better. Obviously some people you know from the outset are dodgy! Many men in particular have a rather animalistic view of sex – it is all about satisfying their desires. I do understand though that sex is part of showing and receiving affection for many in genuinely loving relationships and that is what makes it so difficult to get over because it is part of what they need as people just as we all have needs. I guess some of the resentment you are seeing expressed here comes from having been on the receiving end of the assumption that it is the person not wanting sex who is causing the problems when you could equally ask ‘why can’t you learn to do without it if you really love me? I can only speak for myself and in honesty I know I internalised that bias and it did not make me feel very good about myself. As another poster pointed out, sex is such a part of our culture that it is difficult for many to imagine an alternative way of living or a different way of feeling. The asexual thing helps me understand myself and it is great to know I am not alone in that but at the end of the day I am an individual and will continue to treat others as individuals.

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M51
Ok, so why date sexuals at all? Seriously. Sexuals aren't toys, to be used and then thrown away when something better comes along. They're people with feelings and should be accorded the same respect that you'd give anyone. If you can't trust sexuals, and they'll always be second-class to you, don't date them. That's awful.

It's just that I have been so disappointed, constantly. In my experiences, every relationship with a sexual I have ever had turned out bad because he was sexual and I wasn't. If I compromised and had sex, it wasn't enough for him. If I said no sex at all, he would be good with it for a few months and then it would be over. So in my experience, 100% of relationships with sexuals have ultimately failed. Why should I expect the next to be better? And roughly 98% of the sexual men I have known have deeply disappointed me in their view of women. Not just from this last episode, but many, many, many previous times I have seen that the vast majority of sexual men simply do not respect women in the way that I need to be respected. It just seems silly and naive of me to imagine that the next one will be different, in the face of all this evidence. To do that is setting myself up for failure.

So why bother to date at all? Because I am friggin lonely. Because sexual guys DO find me attractive, and DO pursue me. And when I am so lonely that I would kill for a hug, it's hard to turn down the advances of guys who I really honestly am interested in. And I am not using them. I am still pursuing a relationship. I am just pursuing it from the more realistic approach of "this is fun and good for both of us, but don't get your heart broken when it inevitably ends". There are plenty of people around who date for companionship with no intentions of finding a long term partner. I would venture to say that at least half the non-married relationships I know of know for a fact that this is not "The One". They, too, expect the relationship to end. That does not mean that it can't be a good thing for BOTH partners while it lasts. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with finding temporary companionship and comfort with another person. He is not second class. He is simply not a long-term compatible class. I still respect the person for who he is. I just know from lots of experience that ultimately it will end.

As for trust: I have learned the hard way that men are very good and convincing liars (I'm sure women are, too). I have trusted certain men with my life only to find that they had been lying to me. There is no way to ever know for sure...unless you remove the motivation for lying altogether. Remove the sex drive. Problem solved. It's like chastising me for choosing not to have sex to avoid STD's. Will I get an STD every time I have sex? No. But the only way to know for sure is to not have sex. Will every sexual man lie to me, exploit me, use me, or hurt me in some sexually-related way? No. But the only way to know for sure is if the man is not sexual.

And it is not just trust in a direct sense. I briefly hung out with a guy who knew I was asexual and accepted it, and to his credit he NEVER pushed me beyond any limits. In fact, he never even got close enough to my limits that I had to tell him what those limits were. He treated my asexuality with kid gloves, which could not have been easy for him. But one day he said, "for an asexual you sure do a lot of sexual things" I asked him what he meant and he explained that my piercings were sexual to him. The way I snuggled up to him seemed, to him, to be catlike and sexual. The way I touched him, to him, felt sexual. And I realized that every thing I do with a sexual partner will be seen through a sexual lens.

You know what? I am a very physical person. I am even a very sensual person. I want to tackle my partner to the ground, roll around, pin him, tangle my legs all up in his, press my chest against his, and plant a big kiss on his nose. If I EVER did that to a sexual guy, you know darn well how he would take it. And that is not his fault. And it is not mine. But if I could just have an asexual partner who would laugh and roll around with me, then get up and say "let's go get some ice cream," and not see any sexual innuendo in any of it, I would be much happier. Being with a sexual person who interprets my every physical and sensual move as sexual is exhausting. I can't live like that on a permanent basis.

I also cannot live completely alone and loveless on a permanent basis. So I bend a little by dating a sexual. Then when that is too much I bend a little and live alone. Then when that gets too much...Some day I hope to find an asexual partner. Until that happens, I bend. I do NOT intend to just drop any sexual partner I have when "something better" comes around. I am not heartless. I have too much heart, and it has been broken too often, and that is exactly the problem. No, I will wait for my relationship with the sexual to come to its natural end, and I will be quite happy and emotionally faithful to him in the meantime. If the "something better" is my true life partner, he is not going to disappear on me. We can surely be friends for a few months first. That would actually be ideal.

And perhaps someday some sexual man will prove me wrong, and I will live happily forever after with him. That would be a pleasant surprise. But I am not holding my breath.

Sexuals are not selfish and bad. They are just wired so fundamentally different from me that I can't picture a relationship with one lasting permanently.

And Hallu, I totally agree about the pressures on sexual girls, and that sucks. It is such a double standard. I see all the time how a guy who loves sex and screws a bunch of girls in a single weekend is a stud, but a girl who loves sex and gives in just once or twice a month (or even a year) is a slut. I am all for sexual women being fully free to explore, celebrate, and experience their sexuality. Sexual women are hurt by the unhealthy sexual attitudes of this culture just as much as asexual women.

Haha, (this next part is a joke) in closing, what exactly are relationships? Is it wrong to seek companionship if you know it is not forever? Is it wrong to size someone up, to go on a few dates to determine compatibility? Or should we just plunge into marriage immediately upon meeting someone, since it is unfair to lead that person on by going on dates when you don't intend on staying with him forever? An article from the Onion sums up my feelings on this issue quite well:

Wow. I don't know what to say. I thought everything was going great between us. I thought we really had something special going these past six weeks. Apparently, I was wrong. It's become clear to me that all this time, you were just using me for friendship and good conversation.

Is that all I was to you, somebody you could potentially be interested in dating long-term, assuming things kept progressing? After all the dates we'd been on, was it that easy to throw it all away once you decided I wasn't really right for you? It all seems so hollow now.

I remember the time we saw Monsoon Wedding and then went out for coffee. Over lattes, we discussed everything from Indian cinema to our respective college experiences. Now I know it meant nothing. And the time you told me about how you watched your grandmother slowly die of cancer? What a sucker I was.

You were very clever, enjoying yourself when we met at that party. I must have been blind. Even that early in the game, you were already weaving the web of physical attractiveness, intelligence, and sense of humor that you would use to ensnare me, culminating in a six-week dating stint. I hope you had fun.

I can't believe I let you use me for stimulating conversation like that. You were great when it came to sharing my passion for African literature, but it was all a lie. I don't know how you can stand to look in the mirror, knowing your life has been built on a foundation of untruths. I bet you just read Season Of Migration To The North just to impress me with your theories on the subject.

Did it mean anything to you, that time we sat in your kitchen drinking coffee and sharing the newspaper? Or when we took the long way home after our second date, holding hands and talking about our favorite songs? How about the time you made me a picnic lunch in the park? Were those just your devious ways of finding out if our personalities were compatible in case you wanted to see more of me? Wait, don't answer. The look in your eyes tells me all I need to know.

I feel like such a fool. All this time, I thought there was something behind your interest in me. Instead, it was just some sort of trap to win my time and affection—until you lost interest, that is. How could I have been so blind? Couldn't I see that all those jokes you told were just a thinly veiled attempt to get me to have a good time with you? Apparently not, because I fell for it like a sparrow weighted with sandbags.

Perhaps words have different meanings for you. When you said, "Thanks, I had fun," I guess what you were really saying was, "I will be funny, charming, and affectionate until I grow tired of you."

Now you want to be "just friends"? Whatever it takes to help you sleep. Your carefully chosen words aren't fooling me. The time for that is over. I refuse to fall victim to your sincerity ever again.

Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't you send me a card saying you're happy to have met me, and that your life was enriched by the time we spent together. What's that? You like and respect me too much to do something tacky and dismissive like that? I figured you'd say something like that. Typical.

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*a*rteest
Being with a sexual person who interprets my every physical and sensual move as sexual is exhausting. I can't live like that on a permanent basis.

Not only exhausting.....but I would find it insulting, and outright boring.

(I really didn't want to snip any of this post because it's all well said.)

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thylacine

"For an asexual you sure do a lot of sexual things" I asked him what he meant and he explained that my piercings were sexual to him... " Yah know... there are a lot of people out there who interpret EVERY FREAKIN' THING as "sexual." You put on makeup, it's sexual. You wear pretty clothes, it's sexual. You buy new shoes, it's sexual... you read the newspaper, watch TV, eat lunch, it's sexual... give us a break!

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maufry

Haha!! That Onion article is hilarious!!

Being with a sexual person who interprets my every physical and sensual move as sexual is exhausting. I can't live like that on a permanent basis.

Not only exhausting.....but I would find it insulting, and outright boring.

(I really didn't want to snip any of this post because it's all well said.)

I agree, on both counts.

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