Wamaitha Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 I'm 24 and I've never been in a relationship. At first it was just because of my social anxiety and I hadn't realized I was ace. I'd have crushes but would be too terrified of asking anyone out. I'm a bit more confident now and my anxiety has gotten better with medication but now that I have discovered I'm ace and possibly gray heteroromantic(its very rare for me to develop feelings for a guy. But it does happen sometimes so I know I'm not aromantic) I'm pretty sure I'm going to die alone lol. I also don't want to have kids which is a major deal breaker where I'm from. I've decided maybe I can just try to make friends then but my social anxiety though better still makes it hard. Not wanting kids+being ace+ developing feelings once in a blue moon+socially anxious introvert is definitely a recipe for forever alone lol Link to post Share on other sites
Phalena Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 I can feel you to a degree. All I can offer is some cake and internet-friendship, if you wish. Link to post Share on other sites
Plantbasedme Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 I can kinda relate, but I believe in you! I'm sure things will get better in the future Anyways, welcome to aven! Enjoy some cake 💜 Link to post Share on other sites
Raindrops Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 Hey, you're still very young. Don't worry about death and such, focus on all the great things you can do in your life that having a partner would just slow down. 😀 Welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 53 minutes ago, Wamaitha said: I'm pretty sure I'm going to die alone lol. This merely means that you're a part of the vast majority of people. Most of them die alone. What's more, it has nothing to do with your orientation. My Grandma is 89. She had been married to my Grandpa for 50 years before he passed. Now she lives alone except for the occaional visit of her children and grandchildren. Chances are she's going to die on her own, despite ticking all the boxes for not doing so. For most people, "not dying alone" will remain a fairytale from the movies. Link to post Share on other sites
PermianElle Posted February 22, 2021 Share Posted February 22, 2021 2 hours ago, Wamaitha said: Not wanting kids+being ace+ developing feelings once in a blue moon+socially anxious introvert is definitely a recipe for forever alone lol Okay, how did past me get a time machine? I'm 31, I've had exactly one crush, I'm strongly against having kids (which is a big deal everywhere--I've been told at my age I'm going to have to date someone with kids or I won't find anyone. I laughed and told them I wouldn't respect anyone who dated me when I make it perfectly clear their kids will never be a priority. And if I can't respect them, why should I date them?), I'm ace, and I have a formally diagnosed anxiety disorder as well as autism, which makes socializing... Difficult to say the least. None of these things is going to sentence you to dying alone. For one, a QPR is an option, especially if you only occasionally have romantic feelings, and for two, every relationship has challenges. I don't know where you are, so I can't say anything about children being a dealbreaker, but most places have people who don't want children and hide it do to social pressure (or because birth control failed and they have a kid, so they can't very well say 'Honey, I never told you, I want to be childfree.' when the kid is three.) Being gray-romantic and ace isn't as bad as you think. You'll have to decide what you'll compromise on. Are you against having sex, or would you be willing to under the right circumstances? How long will you give a relationship to develop romantic feelings before calling it quits? And social anxiety is one of those things you can treat or ignore. Or find a local group and make friends there. Also, if you don't think you'll have a romantic relationship, build friendships. For those of us with difficulty developing romantic feelings might do better if we're friends first, and you probably won't die alone if you have friends to check on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wamaitha Posted February 23, 2021 Author Share Posted February 23, 2021 15 hours ago, Phalena said: I can feel you to a degree. All I can offer is some cake and internet-friendship, if you wish. Thanks for the cake! And I love internet friends! Infact I prefer them because of my social anxiety lol I'm able to express myself more freely online than in person! Link to post Share on other sites
Wamaitha Posted February 23, 2021 Author Share Posted February 23, 2021 15 hours ago, Homer said: This merely means that you're a part of the vast majority of people. Most of them die alone. What's more, it has nothing to do with your orientation. My Grandma is 89. She had been married to my Grandpa for 50 years before he passed. Now she lives alone except for the occaional visit of her children and grandchildren. Chances are she's going to die on her own, despite ticking all the boxes for not doing so. For most people, "not dying alone" will remain a fairytale from the movies. Thats a really good point. I've also come to realize that a lot of marriages don't even last and end up in divorce. Happily ever afters simply don't exist in the real world and honestly it doesn't really bother me that I might die alone because you are absolutely right, it happens a lot more than people think it does Link to post Share on other sites
Wamaitha Posted February 23, 2021 Author Share Posted February 23, 2021 13 hours ago, PermianElle said: Okay, how did past me get a time machine? I'm 31, I've had exactly one crush, I'm strongly against having kids (which is a big deal everywhere--I've been told at my age I'm going to have to date someone with kids or I won't find anyone. I laughed and told them I wouldn't respect anyone who dated me when I make it perfectly clear their kids will never be a priority. And if I can't respect them, why should I date them?), I'm ace, and I have a formally diagnosed anxiety disorder as well as autism, which makes socializing... Difficult to say the least. None of these things is going to sentence you to dying alone. For one, a QPR is an option, especially if you only occasionally have romantic feelings, and for two, every relationship has challenges. I don't know where you are, so I can't say anything about children being a dealbreaker, but most places have people who don't want children and hide it do to social pressure (or because birth control failed and they have a kid, so they can't very well say 'Honey, I never told you, I want to be childfree.' when the kid is three.) Being gray-romantic and ace isn't as bad as you think. You'll have to decide what you'll compromise on. Are you against having sex, or would you be willing to under the right circumstances? How long will you give a relationship to develop romantic feelings before calling it quits? And social anxiety is one of those things you can treat or ignore. Or find a local group and make friends there. Also, if you don't think you'll have a romantic relationship, build friendships. For those of us with difficulty developing romantic feelings might do better if we're friends first, and you probably won't die alone if you have friends to check on you. Wow you definitely sound like me in from the future haha because I definitely see myself being 31!and still being single. I'm very close to my family though so I'm thankful for that and I am definitely hoping to build meaningful friendship instead of relationships. My anxiety gets in the way alot but I'm definitely taking medication for it and its getting manageable so I'm not going to give up! I'm also really glad to find communities with ace people that remind me i'm not alone! It definitely lifts my spirits reading all these stories from people like me Link to post Share on other sites
Wamaitha Posted February 23, 2021 Author Share Posted February 23, 2021 15 hours ago, Plantbasedme said: I can kinda relate, but I believe in you! I'm sure things will get better in the future Anyways, welcome to aven! Enjoy some cake 💜 Thank you so much! Love the cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Joi ❤ Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 @Wamaitha I'm 22 and feel your pain. I've decided to take a breath and go out into the big world anyways. Viva la Vida girl! 😊 Don't be afraid and miss out on the blessings of life even if its scary or you may make a mistake. Here have an anti- stress ball cake. On 2/22/2021 at 9:07 AM, PermianElle said: And social anxiety is one of those things you can treat or ignore. Or find a local group and make friends there. Definitely treating the anxiety and trying to join some local groups. I started volunteering at an animal shelter (I get to walk the dogs 🐺 🥰) and so far so good! Hopefully, I can join more groups, but I'm not sure yet with covid. Link to post Share on other sites
acesnail Posted February 25, 2021 Share Posted February 25, 2021 On 2/22/2021 at 11:22 AM, Wamaitha said: Not wanting kids+being ace+ developing feelings once in a blue moon+socially anxious introvert is definitely a recipe for forever alone lol Never related so much to a single sentence :") In a way, part of me accepts the idea that my needs and "standards" don't exactly feel the norm, so I accept the fact that I'll most likely end up alone (what I mean by this is that I don't think I'll ever find someone who'll wants to spend their life with me, while understanding and fully accepting my identity). Although this can feel liberating, because fuck societal norms, right?, it does weight on my heart sometimes. I'm asexual, but I'm very much a romantic, so I still like the idea of sharing and building your life with someone. I find it comforting to share all my fears and insecurities with a special someone, and hearing them talking about their own fears and insecurities in return. To tell you a bit about my current situation, I've recently developed romantic feelings towards a girl I've met in class. We're great friends, and talk to each other every single day (calling, texting 24/7). I'm still not too sure about how she feels about me, which might be because I'm still completely clueless about romance in general. She's a very nice and friendly person who is more extroverted than me, so most of the time she reaches out to me first. I've told her about my asexuality and gender identity (non-binary) and she fully accepts and supports me. However, I'm scared of letting her know about my true feelings, in part because of my own anxieties but, also, I don't wanna risk losing our amazing friendship. To conclude, I don't know what the future holds, and most of the time I'm quite pessimist about it. However, I think romantic aces are still entitled to receive love and affection unconditionally. I hope you can find people who will fully accept you for who you are, because we all deserve love (platonic and/or romantic) In any case, I'm here and can offer my friendship ! Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 I already accepted that as my fate at this point xD I'm not cut out for relationships not after what I been through Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.