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Losing my "romantic drive", if I ever had one


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DarthMarth

Since my marriage ended and the pandemic began last year (at roughly the same time), I've had a lot of time to think about my asexuality and what, if anything, I still want from a relationship. When I was younger I used to have (what I believed were) crushes almost constantly, to the point where I sometimes wished I could be aromantic to get away from the angst and pressure.  More recently, though, I no longer seem to feel much of a desire to be in a romantic relationship. I've heard the phrase "romantic drive" thrown around, and this seems accurate for what I'm wondering if I lost. I used to think I at least wanted kids, which would make a romantic relationship necessary, but now I'm not so sure about that anymore either.

 

I still experience attraction occasionally, and probably will more often after the pandemic is over, but I think it's largely aesthetic, and wonder if I mistook this for romantic attraction in the past. This may be because my criteria for a romantic relationship are now so narrow (female, asexual, and Orthodox Christian at an absolute minimum) that I just assume I'm not compatible with anyone I meet, so while I may think they're attractive and enjoy being in their company, I don't waste time dreaming of being in an impossible relationship with them.

 

Is there any sort of term for this, for still experiencing attraction (not sure if romantic or not) to particular people but not feeling any sort of deep need to be in a relationship? Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

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Anthracite_Impreza
On 2/22/2021 at 2:14 AM, DarthMarth said:

Is there any sort of term for this, for still experiencing attraction (not sure if romantic or not) to particular people but not feeling any sort of deep need to be in a relationship? Does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

It's just romantic, no nano labels required. I never wanted a romantic relationship, genuinely thought I was aro for my first almost-two decades, then turns out I'm not. Many years later I barely feel anything romantic at all and don't miss it, but don't regret it. We still love each other platonically, so even though I'm still capable of little crushes and the odd bit of romantic feeling, I'm practically aro "again".

 

Although it can be related to things like depression, given I was never romantically driven in the first place I'm inclined to say I'm just a low-level romantic, just as some sexuals can be perfectly happy with low levels of sex or even none at all when they aren't in the right relationship. Since you used to have romantic drive it could be mental illness related, it could be mellowing with age or perhaps you did misinterpret things before, yes.

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