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I'd rather do it alone


Pawpotato

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So, I'm feeling guilty tonight, and I guess looking for comradery and validation? I'm married, and been with him about 4 and half years now. He's very accepting of my asexuality and just wonderful. When we first got together we were fairly sexualy active. Its definitely slowed down over time though. We have roomates so it seems awkward, plus I simply don't think about it 90% of the time.

On the few occasions I do feel that libido kick in however, I find I'd rather just take care of it myself? A quick moment alone and then its gone. My husband doesn't even know. I feel guilty because I know he'd very much like to have sex more often. He never pushes for it and lets me instigate things. So is it selfish of me that I hardly ever do these days? 

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Nobody can ever force you to do something you don't want to do out of obligation. You are 100% valid and I can totally relate! I would rather mastrubate by myself than ever let somebody touch even a finger close to my genitals. You are free to do what you want as this is your life to live not anybody elses. You aren't alone in this struggle and won't ever be alone! A lot of aces also feel this way and do the same thing as you do!

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3 hours ago, Pawpotato said:

him

Him is your husband I assume? (also assmuing you are a woman, which makes this a hetroromantic relationship) (if not, correct me)

3 hours ago, Pawpotato said:

So, I'm feeling guilty tonight, and I guess looking for comradery and validation?

YOU ARE VALID!!!

Honestly, if the feeling is so temporary that it goes away fast, then you don't have too force yourself into anything. You did say he doesn't pressure you, and you're lucky he is compliant, regardless of what he wants. It means he cares about your side of things too. You don't have to immediately go once you that feeling, like you said, you can take care of yourself and then its gone.

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  • 1 month later...

HA! D-did I post this?

 

I feel the same. Exact. Way.

 

I feel so guilty sometimes because my husband has no idea and we haven't been sexually active in over a year. *shrugs* But yeah, I 100% am on the same page as you are. I would rather take care of it quickly on my own.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 1/31/2021 at 10:14 AM, Pawpotato said:

So, I'm feeling guilty tonight, and I guess looking for comradery and validation? I'm married, and been with him about 4 and half years now. He's very accepting of my asexuality and just wonderful. When we first got together we were fairly sexualy active. Its definitely slowed down over time though. We have roomates so it seems awkward, plus I simply don't think about it 90% of the time.

On the few occasions I do feel that libido kick in however, I find I'd rather just take care of it myself? A quick moment alone and then its gone. My husband doesn't even know. I feel guilty because I know he'd very much like to have sex more often. He never pushes for it and lets me instigate things. So is it selfish of me that I hardly ever do these days? 

To be honest I have tried to engage in sexual activity with guys (because hetero) afew times before, mainly my partner at the time and it was always so awkward. Partly because due to lack of experience I never knew what I should do to make the guy feel good but also because I got really confused at what I was supposed to be feeling. I used to get old #friendsbutnotreallyfriends telling me it feels amazing you should do it but when I eventually did, I felt awkward and although I didn't hate everything about it, I know I wasn't enjoying it to the extent people told me I would.  

 

However I get more out of fantasizing, sexual material like hentai or books and just going at it myself, then I get with being with a guy. I get wanting to make your partner happy but if masturbation works for you don't feel guilty for it. You don't have to justify what your doing to your partner if you feel you don want too however if you feel comfortable sharing it with him I would say tell him. Honesty is important in a relationship but if you feel you want to keep it to yourself that's fine too. Nothing wrong with spending a little one on one time with yourself. Sometimes we need that time to get to know ourselves better for ourselves. 

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I do the same but I don’t feel too guilty about it. He knows I do it sometimes because I told him when I first realized I was ace that I’d rather do it myself. And we have sex maybe once a month. But even if he didn’t know, it’s ok. It’s your body and your decision. 

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Can completely relate, I would always feel guilty about it when I was with my ex-girlfriend since she was a very sexually driven person and I didn't want to deprive her but I felt a lot better when I'd just take care of it myself when the urge would arise.

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