Jump to content

WTFromantic??


VeryAsexyIndeed

Recommended Posts

VeryAsexyIndeed

Hi pals! How are ya? This is my first “topic post” or whatever you call it but oh well, I’ll try.

 

Soo I’m asexual, I know that for sure (I think lol) but I’ve been struggling a bit with finding out my romantic attraction. I’ve always thought I were a romantic person, like I want to have a relationship, but now I’m not sure if what I’ve been wanting is actually a romantic one or more of a queerplatonic relationship.. I mean I’ve considered biromantic and omniromantic for myself and it fits okay but it doesn’t like ‘klick’ with me if you understand what I mean, and for a few days I’ve been trying to find out what I might be. 
 

I don’t feel like I’m aromantic but I’m not sure if I’m romantic either. I’ve had crushes in the past but I’m not sure if they were romantic ones, I’m gonna try and describe it. So I’ve had like 3 crushes in my life so far and I’ve always thought that they were romantic, cause I get all nervous around them and I feel attracted to them but like, I don’t wanna date them, I don’t wanna do romantic shite with them, I’m not sure if it’s a squish but I don’t think so, I think it’s a little more than that, maybe alerous? I’m not sure.
 

Can you have like sensual and aesthetic crushes? Can you have a crush on someone for their personality? Cause that’s what my crushes feel like. I’m attracted to them aesthetically and I’m attracted to their personality but I’m not sure it’s more than that. Am I just aromantic? Or would this be seen as lithromantic? cause I don’t really feel like doing anything about my crushes, they’re just there and then I ignore it, they don’t lead anywhere, or would I be cupioromantic? Cause I want a relationship but I’m not sure if I feel the attraction (although I don’t think I’m cupio cause I’m not even sure if it’s romance I’m looking for).
 

Maybe WTFromantic fit me better? Thats what I’ve been thinking for the past two days, that I might be quoiromantic. What do y’all think? I really need some help with this cause there’s like no videos or quizzes about WTF/quoiromanisicm so it’s hard to know what it feels like.

 

Thank you in advance for taking your time to read this and maybe give some advice lol💖💖✌️

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there! For me, i'm an aromantic, and i'm often times attracted to people's personalities and their aesthetics. Idk if it's like a "It'd be great to know somebody but it's cool if i doesn't happen type of situation" when it comes to being around people that you find the aesthetics and personality of someone to be attractive. Oh, and there's squishes, which are the aromantic version of crushes and involves personality and/or aesthetic attraction generally.

 

To be aromantic you'd have to see if you experience romantic attraction, and while there's no exact definition for that, for many people it involves the whole butterflies in your stomach, crush feelings, anxiety around that person (because of how attractive they are physically generally).

Link to post
Share on other sites
VeryAsexyIndeed

Hey! Thanks for taking the time to answer💖💖I’m now beginning to think I’m aroace, I didn’t consider being aromantic before cause I wanted relationships but now I’ve realized that what I’m looking for is actually a queerplatonic relationship🌟✌️And I think my crushes were actually squishes now that I think about it so yeah, thank you!🥰Im getting closer and closer to figuring myself out😌🖤🤍💜💚

Link to post
Share on other sites

Greetings Heteroromantic asexual here. 

 

I have had 3 serious crushes in my life (currently in my early 20's), and I've been in 1 relationship. I'm no expert in labels and I can't tell you which ones should apply to you. But I can tell you about my experience with crushes and hopefully that will help have some perspective on it. 

 

For me, my crushes are always based around personality and rarely if ever involve looks. I do experience aesthetic attraction, but this is never related to romantic attraction for me and I feel no desire to be near people I find aesthetically attractive or get to know them better. 

 

I always struggled with whether or not my crushes were actually crushes or if I just wanted to be friends with them, mostly because I always thought that true crushes would be accompanied by sexual desire, which I have never felt, but upon realizing I was asexual I learned that it was relatively normal to have crushes without sexual attraction. 

 

For me, I differentiate between crushes and people I just want to be friends with in 3 main ways. The first is that have a strong desire to connect with them. I usually take a lot more initiative in starting a conversation with someone I have a crush on. I will find myself thinking about them throughout the day and imagining different scenarios in which we become romantically involved (some more realistic than others) and will pay a lot of attention to how long they take to respond, what they say, how long I take to respond. The second way is when I am with someone I have a crush on, I find it impossible to stop myself from smiling. Usually I am not a very smiley person, but with them I just can't help myself. The third is that I usually start to associate songs about romantic stuff with them, and usually I have one song that I strongly connect with my feelings for that person. 

 

I'm not sure how helpful this is to you, but hopefully it is. 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'd say if your crushes made you want to be good friends with the people you were attracted to, that fits the definition of squish. If they made you want something like a queerplatonic relationship, then I think you could call that alterous attraction or just queerplatonic attraction?

Purely aesthetic or sensual crushes probably aren't outside the realm of possibility, though I can't say for sure since I haven't experienced it.

I'm not sure what you mean by "having a crush on them for their personality," because that's just how crushes work. Romantic crushes and platonic crushes/squishes mostly result from liking someone's personality.

The main differences between platonic and romantic feelings for me are things like intensity, level of affection, and the presence of sensual attraction. For me, romantic attraction is more intense than platonic attraction, involves a lot of warm, affectionate feelings that I don't have for my friends, and eventually causes sensual desires to form. I could try to describe romantic attraction all day so I'll just stop there lol.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I found a comment quite powerful that I have read somewhere else. It said something like I knew I was aromantic when I realized that my dream relationship was a friendship. Maybe that helps you find out if you are aromantic.

For me it took a while to identify my romantic orientation, and I think it's because the only definitions for alterous attraction that I have read were quite vague, defining it as non-romantic and non-platonic feelings. It made it quite hard for me to distinguish my supposed romantic feelings from my alterous feelings. I just found the following video today and it pretty much sums up how I feel. Maybe it helps you to identify if you have alterous feelings, too.

Spoiler

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
VeryAsexyIndeed
8 hours ago, krusk said:

Greetings Heteroromantic asexual here. 

 

I have had 3 serious crushes in my life (currently in my early 20's), and I've been in 1 relationship. I'm no expert in labels and I can't tell you which ones should apply to you. But I can tell you about my experience with crushes and hopefully that will help have some perspective on it. 

 

For me, my crushes are always based around personality and rarely if ever involve looks. I do experience aesthetic attraction, but this is never related to romantic attraction for me and I feel no desire to be near people I find aesthetically attractive or get to know them better. 

 

I always struggled with whether or not my crushes were actually crushes or if I just wanted to be friends with them, mostly because I always thought that true crushes would be accompanied by sexual desire, which I have never felt, but upon realizing I was asexual I learned that it was relatively normal to have crushes without sexual attraction. 

 

For me, I differentiate between crushes and people I just want to be friends with in 3 main ways. The first is that have a strong desire to connect with them. I usually take a lot more initiative in starting a conversation with someone I have a crush on. I will find myself thinking about them throughout the day and imagining different scenarios in which we become romantically involved (some more realistic than others) and will pay a lot of attention to how long they take to respond, what they say, how long I take to respond. The second way is when I am with someone I have a crush on, I find it impossible to stop myself from smiling. Usually I am not a very smiley person, but with them I just can't help myself. The third is that I usually start to associate songs about romantic stuff with them, and usually I have one song that I strongly connect with my feelings for that person. 

 

I'm not sure how helpful this is to you, but hopefully it is. 

 

 

Yes it was helpful actually, I’ve now realized that I’m aromantic and reading this just made me more sure that I’ve found the correct label! Cause with everyone of my crushes I’ve never imagined becoming romantic with them I’m any way and romantic songs? I don’t connect that with my crush, I think my crushes are more like queerplatonic crushes if it’s called that. So I’m aroace! Yay! Feels good to say it!☺️☺️✌️💖

Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, VeryAsexyIndeed said:

Hey! Thanks for taking the time to answer💖💖I’m now beginning to think I’m aroace, I didn’t consider being aromantic before cause I wanted relationships but now I’ve realized that what I’m looking for is actually a queerplatonic relationship🌟✌️And I think my crushes were actually squishes now that I think about it so yeah, thank you!🥰Im getting closer and closer to figuring myself out😌🖤🤍💜💚

No problem. Took me a while to figure out, and for a while i even dated alloromantic people for awhile because finding someone who wanted a QPR without thinking, oh that's a romantic thing, that's too much for 'just' (saying just annoys me, but whatever lol) a friendship.

 

Yeah, squishes and crushes can seem similar at first, there's no aromantic script in the movies and society the way there is for romantic relationships, therefore the terminology is lagging quite a bit or can seem nonexistent.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...