QPR info and/or resources?

[21LAUR21]

Hello friends,

 

I have recently been trying to come to terms with figuring out I'm aro, and as I discussed in a thread yesterday, I kind of feel a bit of a "loss" from this revelation. I think it's mostly because I've had to admit to myself I don't really want to be in a romantic relationship, however I do want companionship and intimacy in other ways. 

 

I'm thinking that learning more about QPRs would help me feel better about my aro-ness by allowing me to explore relationships I would be comfortable with. 

 

So if anyone has some good resources or testimonies that would be much appreciated, (since I'm starting from a knowledge point of pretty much zero and don't really know where to start).

[MakeupJunkie4]

I remember starting a similar thread lonnnng ago - very few replies bc I guess it's not very common. Hopefully some new answers come in this time! I'd love to hear more from others about this, myself.  

[LoveNotSex?]

There's been this thread recently - not too much there, but maybe interesting for you nevertheless:

I remember vaguely to have had read much more about QPRs here on AVEN, maybe try to use the search.

Another personal thought, since you mentioned you feel a 'loss':
People usually emphasise the difference between romantic and platonic feelings and relationships, even if the latter are strong, deep and committed. However, they - mainly younger ones probably - seem to focus (either on general theoretical definitions or) mostly on the beginning of a relationship, where these differences can be significant, but actually I think it doesn't matter much for longterm relationships, because romantic feelings (being in love, having a crush, limerence,...) fade and transform into deep, committed companionate love after few years or so anyway, leading to a relationship which IMO is very similar to a QPR. Maybe most people don't look at it this way because the concept of QPRs is not well known (yet).

[21LAUR21]

5 hours ago, LoveNotSex? said:

but actually I think it doesn't matter much for longterm relationships, because romantic feelings (being in love, having a crush, limerence,...) fade and transform into deep, committed companionate love after few years or so anyway, leading to a relationship which IMO is very similar to a QPR.

It's funny you mention this because whenever I fantasized about being in a relationship or thought about trying to persue one, I thought that if I could just skip the honeymoon phase and transport to the married for 10 years phase I would be really happy with it. 

 

And thanks for the suggestions! I will definitely be checking them out!

[LoveNotSex?]

Being reminded of QPRs by your post and something else today, I've thought about the topic again and found some nice links (again), maybe they're helpful for you as well:

https://shades-of-grayro.tumblr.com/post/190216590460/queerplatonic-relationships-an-introduction-image
http://wiki.asexuality.org/Queerplatonic
https://www.aromanticism.org/en/news-feed/my-qpr
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyRwBJppNG0&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-5b28-PBsM

 

[Maelstrom_17]

7 hours ago, LoveNotSex? said:

There's been this thread recently - not too much there, but maybe interesting for you nevertheless:

I remember vaguely to have had read much more about QPRs here on AVEN, maybe try to use the search.

Another personal thought, since you mentioned you feel a 'loss':
People usually emphasise the difference between romantic and platonic feelings and relationships, even if the latter are strong, deep and committed. However, they - mainly younger ones probably - seem to focus (either on general theoretical definitions or) mostly on the beginning of a relationship, where these differences can be significant, but actually I think it doesn't matter much for longterm relationships, because romantic feelings (being in love, having a crush, limerence,...) fade and transform into deep, committed companionate love after few years or so anyway, leading to a relationship which IMO is very similar to a QPR. Maybe most people don't look at it this way because the concept of QPRs is not well known (yet).

Idk if it's just my pessimism about society, but it feels like a lot of young people (i'm in my 20s btw, so it's an observation of relationships) are chasing a high in a relationship (with intense feelings, feeling like you are addicted to your partner, etc.) and then look for a new partner after that high is gone. Are people supposed to want to have that beginning of the relationship high throughout the relationship, or what (especially for non-aro people)?

[Janus the Fox]

21 minutes ago, Maelstrom_17 said:

Idk if it's just my pessimism about society, but it feels like a lot of young people (i'm in my 20s btw, so it's an observation of relationships) are chasing a high in a relationship (with intense feelings, feeling like you are addicted to your partner, etc.) and then look for a new partner after that high is gone. Are people supposed to want to have that beginning of the relationship high throughout the relationship, or what (especially for non-aro people)?

Yeah though can only go by my own long term relationship, there isn’t a ‘high’ for me at all, there isn’t any attractions but I like the contact, even being without the contact for a year due to COVID rules.  The opposite is true for the BF, it’s heartbreaking for them and perhaps contemplated looking for a relationship closer to home, despite being only like 25 miles apart and risk catching the illness.

[21LAUR21]

1 hour ago, Maelstrom_17 said:

Are people supposed to want to have that beginning of the relationship high throughout the relationship, or what (especially for non-aro people)?

I have heard (and there might be some scientific studies don't but dont quote me) that this process literally mimics the way the brain reacts to certain drugs, so I could see the beginning of relationships being exciting and intoxicating in a way. 

 

I think it really depends on the person. I have a lot of friends who have been in relatively few long-term stable relationships and I also have friends who seem to jump to a new person pretty quickly. I think it happens mostly because you can overlook aspects of a person that you might come to resent later on while you're in that exciting "super in-love" phase. Once the honeymoon phase passes they realize they're not really comparable, they break up and the cycle repeats itself.