What were your experiences when coming out?

[Thaliaaaaa]

I have not came out to anyone yet but plan to come out to my best friend now. I originally was going to yesterday, I texted him 'Hey I need to tell you something', and I then deleted the message because I was unsure if he'd react negatively or not. 

 

What were your experiences when coming out and what were their reactions? Were they supportive or something else?

[Feral Princess]

I'm aro-ace but I initially came out as ace to my mum. She had never heard of asexuality before and was very confused, mainly because she thought it was impossible biologically not to have urges to have sex. Luckily she's pretty open minded, once I explained what it was like to be ace and how I could still connect to other people (albeit just not sexually)  and shared some stuff with her about how most ace folk don't have a hormonal imbalances, it is just who they are, then she was fine with it. 

 

I think allosexual people often have the instinct to explain away asexuality because it is so difficult for them to imagine and isn't very widely represented in media etc. That said, after having it explained, my family and friends were luckily understanding :) 

[RuneWolf]

People were ok with me coming out, although my folks still doubt it and sometimes make jokes about it.

[Phalena]

For me it depended to whom I came out. Peers, some of them also identifying under the rainbow-umbrella one way or the other, were usually pretty chill, asked some questions and have never tried to force me to do anything I didn't want to. Guess, they're also glad that I'm not forcing them to do anything. Gratitude, folks.

 

Within my family only a select few know, the rest is being kept quiet by me, myself saying: "Haven't met anyone yet." I'm afraid that won't help much longer though. They understand that people in Uni marry and have children later than people with non-academic backgrounds would but some day, I'll be questioned. My grandma was a little worried at first because she expected some relation to sexual abuse, which I have actually suffered from but settled with: "If you stay by yourself, it's fine. If you meet someone, it's fine". Some other women in the wider family also have never married. If asexuality played a role, I'll never find out though.

My sister doesn't bother and wonders whether or not she might be on the spectrum, too. My so-called father however, the abuser, makes regularly fun of me and suggests me dating to get "some corrective rape". He never says it that way but it's what his words can be translated to. He is also convinced that once I get the pill (which I get for other reasons, obviously) I'll go around and be the new town-thot. Which he'd find interesting and kind of cool (?) in a way??? I don't know, he wants to see me "normalised" and is convinced that "[I'll] change my mind".

[RobL2415]

I just came out to two of my closest friends and they were very receptive of it. They didn't condemn me or shun me or anything. They just accepted it for what it was. Granted, I don't think either of them knew exactly what being ace means. I explained it to them, but they both expressed that they wanted to seek out more information. I gave one of them some videos to watch.

 

I haven't come out to anyone else. I'm afraid of what my mother might think because while she's a Christian like I am, we hold different doctrinal opinions.

[AceAnimeFan]

Within my family my brother knows but doesn't care, I think he actually may have forgotten about it since I didn't make it a big deal when I told him, and I've been dropping hints to my mom occasionally. Outside my family my PhD advisor is the only one I'm out to (I don't remember why, I think I just said it without thinking) and he is very chill about everything; he has expressed interest in learning more so I let him borrow my copy of The invisible Orientation and told him about AVEN, and right now he is the only one offline that I can talk about it with

[Thaliaaaaa]

28 minutes ago, AceAnimeFan said:

Within my family my brother knows but doesn't care, I think he actually may have forgotten about it since I didn't make it a big deal when I told him, and I've been dropping hints to my mom occasionally. Outside my family my PhD advisor is the only one I'm out to (I don't remember why, I think I just said it without thinking) and he is very chill about everything; he has expressed interest in learning more so I let him borrow my copy of The invisible Orientation and told him about AVEN, and right now he is the only one offline that I can talk about it with

How did you drop hints about it? I don't think my parents really know anything about asexuality or that it even exists, I wouldn't think my mum or dad would actually come up to me after figuring it out, saying "are you asexual?". 

[AceAnimeFan]

19 minutes ago, WinterMandalorian said:

How did you drop hints about it? I don't think my parents really know anything about asexuality or that it even exists, I wouldn't think my mum or dad would actually come up to me after figuring it out, saying "are you asexual?". 

I don't use the word asexual but keep saying I have no interest in relationships. My mother also recommended me a book a few years back (we tend to have the same taste) that had a sex scene in it, which I made clear to her that I was uncomfortable with; in the same conversation also said something to the effect of "I didn't even know sex was something people actually wanted until I was in my 20s". Basically just broadcasting my disinterest from time to time

[Jugo]

For me, the reactions were mixed. Some were supportive, some were confused and I had to explain it to them, and then there were others who didn’t believe it was a real thing or thought it was weird. 

[Astrea]

People are generally quite neutral about it. The worst I've experienced were 'never say never' reactions or people who seemed to think a sexual / romantic orientation is a choice. Nobody was nasty about it. When people know you quite well and have for a while, they are generally not that surprised. I mean, I've never made an effort to hide I wasn't having sex or relationships (I actually remember trying to muddle through an explanation about how I felt like everyone around me was faking it to a friend like 10 years ago, when I had no idea why I was feeling that way... Now that I think about it, I even remember trying to obtain academic-like clarifications from my peers regarding what 'to go out with' meant when I was in junior high and being very nonplussed by their answers. These conversations were waaaay more awkward without having specific words to explain what I meant  ^^), so it isn't like the way people see me has really changed after I came out to them.
Unless you've been lying to your best friend about a lot of things, I don't think you coming out will be a huge deal.